"fag" "gay"

[professorlayton]

Not sure where to post this, but does it annoy anyone else when friends or people you know use these words often as insults and stuff like "that's gay" etc.?

[Jinglebottom]

It's very annoying but there's nothing I can do about it.

[Bull]

Their problem. I am not going to make it mine.

[lacey02]

I think it shows some immature people who are not sensitive to other people and their feelings. I dont like it when people are bullied or made fun of and especially for things they may not have chosen like their name, race, body type etc. If they are younger, maybe try and educate them how that is hurtful. if they are older, they may just be bullies like are out there.

[Abhorrence]

Nah, I really don't care. Honestly, I call people faggots and say "that's gay" almost all the time. I remember in my first relationship with a guy we used to say "that's gay" at things and then we would look at each other and laugh. It was cute. I honestly don't give a fuck if people use a word in a negative way, every word has different connotations and being an English student I overlook a lot of language used in a variety of ways because I have learned that words simply have different meanings. Often normal words can have colloquial meanings and I won't get offended by them or any word.

[ClaraWho]

Nah, I really don't care. Honestly, I call people faggots and say "that's gay" almost all the time. I remember in my first relationship with a guy we used to say "that's gay" at things and then we would look at each other and laugh. It was cute. I honestly don't give a fuck if people use a word in a negative way, every word has different connotations and being an English student I overlook a lot of language used in a variety of ways because I have learned that words simply have different meanings. Often normal words can have colloquial meanings and I won't get offended by them or any word.

As an English student your conceptualisation of words as meaningless leaves me rather discombobulated. Words have meaning, they are forms of expression, certainly intent matters - but some words will only ever be derogatory. Regardless of whether you personally are not offended, nor upset by those you know banding around these terms, others will be.

There was a study carried out recently with young, gay men (whom may I add have a higher rate of suicidality compared to size of known population). They were asked how it made them feel to hear the word 'gay' be applied to negative connotations, or used as a generic derogatory term (I.e. 'That's so gay' when something goes wrong). The overwhelming majority (I recall it being around 70-80%) stated it made them feel bad.

As someone whom is interested in gay relationships, or indeed, just as a decent human being - do you not feel a sense of responsibility to not fan the flames of casual homophobia?

In your own home, with your boyfriend, by all means. But publicly? No.

Personally, I lecture and warn people whom choose to use those words in my presence, unless they are some pig-headed school clown not worth my breath. Even my homosexually inclined friends got grilled too.

There's enough hate, enough insensitivity, enough apathy in this world already... Just go on the sexuality forum here and see the amount of boys struggling with accepting their sexuality.

Using these terms is a clear mark of immaturity.

~ Clara

N.B. Afterthought, it's the same reason you wouldn't refer to a girl by a sexist term, or blame negative occurrences on it being 'girly'.

[Abhorrence]

As an English student your conceptualisation of words as meaningless leaves me rather discombobulated. Words have meaning, they are forms of expression, certainly intent matters - but some words will only ever be derogatory. Regardless of whether you personally are not offended, nor upset by those you know banding around these terms, others will be.

There was a study carried out recently with young, gay men (whom may I add have a higher rate of suicidality compared to size of known population). They were asked how it made them feel to hear the word 'gay' be applied to negative connotations, or used as a generic derogatory term (I.e. 'That's so gay' when something goes wrong). The overwhelming majority (I recall it being around 70-80%) stated it made them feel bad.

As someone whom is interested in gay relationships, or indeed, just as a decent human being - do you not feel a sense of responsibility to not fan the flames of casual homophobia?

In your own home, with your boyfriend, by all means. But publicly? No.

Personally, I lecture and warn people whom choose to use those words in my presence, unless they are some pig-headed school clown not worth my breath. Even my homosexually inclined friends got grilled too.

There's enough hate, enough insensitivity, enough apathy in this world already... Just go on the sexuality forum here and see the amount of boys struggling with accepting their sexuality.

Using these terms is a clear mark of immaturity.

~ Clara

N.B. Afterthought, it's the same reason you wouldn't refer to a girl by a sexist term, or blame negative occurrences on it being 'girly'.
It's a subjective matter, most people in present times are completely sensitive to all subject matters. Often, it is people who aren't even affected by the terms that are the most offended - as you clearly demonstrate here. As a gay guy, I really couldn't care less if a word like gay or fag is used as derogatory towards me - less still if it is used as a derogatory term outside of sexuality. Just as the word gay used to be mainly used to describe happiness, it is now in present day used to describe sexuality and also as a colloquialism for negative things.

I wouldn't personally call anyone gay or a faggot as a genuine derogatory term, that is just insulting. However, you shouldn't have to tread egg shells around offending people by using words such as gay and faggot. It is, after all, just language. That is what I meant by words being meaningless. Of course, I know that words have a lot of meaning and power but they are often taken way too seriously by our generation. At this rate, most of the world is going to grow up to be absolutely drab: with no sense of humour and being offended by the sun shining.

Edit: just realised I never actually said words were meaningless, just that I personally overlook them. So I don't know where you got that idea from but either way I provided an answer.

Edit-edit: Relationships & Dating :arrow: Teen Sexuality & Gender. I feel this fits better here. :)

[Babs]

I'm not bothered by it. I call things gay a lot, albeit a little ironically. I just think it's funny to use it in that context because I'm really queer, or for things that are really straight.

[ClaraWho]

It's a subjective matter, most people in present times are completely sensitive to all subject matters. Often, it is people who aren't even affected by the terms that are the most offended - as you clearly demonstrate here. As a gay guy, I really couldn't care less if a word like gay or fag is used as derogatory towards me - less still if it is used as a derogatory term outside of sexuality. Just as the word gay used to be mainly used to describe happiness, it is now in present day used to describe sexuality and also as a colloquialism for negative things.

I wouldn't personally call anyone gay or a faggot as a genuine derogatory term, that is just insulting. However, you shouldn't have to tread egg shells around offending people by using words such as gay and faggot. It is, after all, just language. That is what I meant by words being meaningless. Of course, I know that words have a lot of meaning and power but they are often taken way too seriously by our generation. At this rate, most of the world is going to grow up to be absolutely drab: with no sense of humour and being offended by the sun shining.

1. It is a subjective matter, as outlined in my prior post on the interpretation one applies to the terms said to them. But you would have to be rather stupid to not realise you were being insulted.
2. You are entirely misconstruing that you are somehow the general arbitrator of others level of offence, and of what they should and should not feel. If the researched evidence posits that your categoricalised population feels offence when these terms are used, your descent shouldn't and doesn't override their thoughts.
3. A) You state I clearly demonstrate here that I am not affected by the use of these terms, that I can't have an opinion. What an absurd statement. Especially given that I just, albeit lazily without the link, provided an example of those definitely affected by it.
B) You don't know me, my past, my friendship circle, anything about me - yet you judge that I am not affected. Regardless of which, I may not be black, but racism offends me. In your world it doesn't?

Let's take your example of being a gay boy whom doesn't mind being insulted for being gay. Reframe that, you are a black man. Do you mind people insulting you for being black? Should you be banned from hotels like gay people? I mean, it is their hotel after all.

C) Empathy. Being a human being. That gives me a right to be offended by inequality and bigotry. Enough said?

4. What makes you so great that you think you can decide what others are/aren't allowed to be offended by? :what:

Your example reframed is, it's okay to refer to lesser, broken, undesirable things as 'disabled', but not a person? What and they are supposed to feel good about that?!

5. Your whole 'words are meaningless but ofcourse I know how powerful they are' is hypocritical and incomprehensible. They cannot both have and not have meaning. A word has meaning. Words start wars, break hearts, give hope, desseminate knowledge, the list goes on. Your point perhaps is that people take life too seriously for your liking?

6. Your erroneous argument that everyone should take a chill pill is whimsical, for as long as some people want to see the world burn, we must strive to civilise and marginalise hatred. Not humour and tolerate it.

~ Clara

[Hudor]

I don't care much about any sort of insulting/swear words people might use around me because most of the times they don't mean them literally and on the rare occasions when they do, I let the comments slide because i don't want to n waste my breath over someone immature enough to do that sort of thing, unless I sense there's some worthy point to be made for the other person and people around.
In general, I use terms like that's so gay a lot around friends and people I know, as does everyone else and no one gets offended because none of us mean it in a derogatory sense and we all know that. Outside of my group though I tend to refrain from using words like faggot that might offend someone unknowingly though I see no harm in using gay.


As someone who is interested in gay relationships, or indeed, just as a decent human being - do you not feel a sense of responsibility to not fan the flames of casual homophobia?

In your own home, with your boyfriend, by all means. But publicly? No.


But you would have to be rather stupid to not realise you were being insulted.

What makes you so great that you think you can decide what others are/aren't allowed to be offended by?


This is not the first time you’re entering a discussion with acidic personal attacks (possibly meant to goad people into arguments). I don’t know why you do this and even though you give genuinely good advice sometimes, it is heavily obscured by the maligning you do, sometimes even directed at the person who posted a doubt/query(going on to even calling it stupid in certain threads).
If you want more proof of ‘personal attacks’, I suggest you look through your own posts for once.
Also, I know the conversation between you and Jack doesn’t involve me but since you chose not to continue it over PM, I assume you wanted it to be part of the general discussion, entitling me to participate.

[HunterDaniels]

Not sure where to post this, but does it annoy anyone else when friends or people you know use these words often as insults and stuff like "that's gay" etc.?

Yea that's a big problem with me
And my friends know it! I hate hearing them say
"Dude that movie was so gay"
You're talking about a movie! Movies don't have sexual preferences! Lol

[Abhorrence]

1. It is a subjective matter, as outlined in my prior post on the interpretation one applies to the terms said to them. But you would have to be rather stupid to not realise you were being insulted.
2. You are entirely misconstruing that you are somehow the general arbitrator of others level of offence, and of what they should and should not feel. If the researched evidence posits that your categoricalised population feels offence when these terms are used, your descent shouldn't and doesn't override their thoughts.
3. A) You state I clearly demonstrate here that I am not affected by the use of these terms, that I can't have an opinion. What an absurd statement. Especially given that I just, albeit lazily without the link, provided an example of those definitely affected by it.
B) You don't know me, my past, my friendship circle, anything about me - yet you judge that I am not affected. Regardless of which, I may not be black, but racism offends me. In your world it doesn't?

Let's take your example of being a gay boy whom doesn't mind being insulted for being gay. Reframe that, you are a black man. Do you mind people insulting you for being black? Should you be banned from hotels like gay people? I mean, it is their hotel after all.

C) Empathy. Being a human being. That gives me a right to be offended by inequality and bigotry. Enough said?

4. What makes you so great that you think you can decide what others are/aren't allowed to be offended by? :what:

Your example reframed is, it's okay to refer to lesser, broken, undesirable things as 'disabled', but not a person? What and they are supposed to feel good about that?!

5. Your whole 'words are meaningless but ofcourse I know how powerful they are' is hypocritical and incomprehensible. They cannot both have and not have meaning. A word has meaning. Words start wars, break hearts, give hope, desseminate knowledge, the list goes on. Your point perhaps is that people take life too seriously for your liking?

6. Your erroneous argument that everyone should take a chill pill is whimsical, for as long as some people want to see the world burn, we must strive to civilise and marginalise hatred. Not humour and tolerate it.

~ Clara

You must be fun at parties dude lmao. You may want to watch your tone also, as a mod note because you have a habit of consistently arguing with people and getting a bit personal.

I think what you are miscontruing is everything I'm saying. And no, racism doesn't offend me - feeling empathetic towards others doesn't mean that it offends me. Once again, I was stating my personal opinion - I don't care about the facts because an opinion is (Oh wow!) an opinion. Once again my OPINION on people being way too serious is an opinion! Could you believe it? Not to mention the truth behind it. (I figured you wouldn't realise the irony of this last statement so I thought I'd put in this bracket to make sure you know.)

At what point did I say that you can't have an opinion? Oh right, at no point. So, maybe read a bit better.

You know you'd make an excellent lawyer, you completely twist words into something incomprehensible. I didn't say people couldn't get offended, I didn't say I was great enough to decide that. I just said that it is pointless. Once again, as mentioned prior, it is an opinion.

Once again, never said words are meaningless lmao. Just said I overlook them but okay.

Now, I'm not going to reply again because I'd rather not humour your ridiculous responses again.

[Melodic]

I really don't care if either are used as long as they aren't directed to another person as a joke or insult. Even then, I probably won't say anything unless we're friends or family.

[ClaraWho]

You must be fun at parties dude lmao. You may want to watch your tone also, as a mod note because you have a habit of consistently arguing with people and getting a bit personal.

I think what you are miscontruing is everything I'm saying. And no, racism doesn't offend me - feeling empathetic towards others doesn't mean that it offends me. Once again, I was stating my personal opinion - I don't care about the facts because an opinion is (Oh wow!) an opinion. Once again my OPINION on people being way too serious is an opinion! Could you believe it? Not to mention the truth behind it. (I figured you wouldn't realise the irony of this last statement so I thought I'd put in this bracket to make sure you know.)

At what point did I say that you can't have an opinion? Oh right, at no point. So, maybe read a bit better.

You know you'd make an excellent lawyer, you completely twist words into something incomprehensible. I didn't say people couldn't get offended, I didn't say I was great enough to decide that. I just said that it is pointless. Once again, as mentioned prior, it is an opinion.

Once again, never said words are meaningless lmao. Just said I overlook them but okay.

Now, I'm not going to reply again because I'd rather not humour your ridiculous responses again.

Excuse me? You say 'you must be fun at parties dude lmao' then try to threaten me because of my 'tone'? So now if I insult you back, you'll warn/ban me? Pathetic. Does it make you feel big insulting a 16 year old girl online?

If you could please highlight to me where I was personal. My tone was passionately disagreeing, but not remotely directed at you (who are you anyway and why would I care enough to insult you?). I didn't insult you like you just did to me. Repeatedly.

You figure I 'wouldn't understand the irony'? Nice. Trying to insult my intelligence whilst saying nothing of substance.

Why the lengthy, repetitive, circular paragraph saying your opinion is an opinion? Tautology much?

If your opinion is offensive, such as 'racism isn't wrong/offensive', it isn't in any way justified or beyond challenge simply because it's an opinion.

Whilst I'm disgusted that you couldn't remain civil and started throwing insults, at least we all can see exactly where you stand now, and who you are as a person.

Why you couldn't reply like an adult is beyond my comprehension.

My backbone would have to break before I could stoop to your level to reply to the rest of your post, so I shall leave it to rot.

~ Clara

N.B. Mods with power complexes really make forums such great places...

[Sailor Mars]

Excuse me? You say 'you must be fun at parties dude lmao' then try to threaten me because of my 'tone'? So now if I insult you back, you'll warn/ban me? Pathetic. Does it make you feel big insulting a 16 year old girl online?
lmao this person is mad

and like Abhorrence said, I use the terms a lot but never to insult someone. I got lgbt friends and they say it the same as me. its all good jokes n fun here and we all know each other won't be offended by it.

[Bull]

Excuse me? You say 'you must be fun at parties dude lmao' then try to threaten me because of my 'tone'? So now if I insult you back, you'll warn/ban me? Pathetic. Does it make you feel big insulting a 16 year old girl online?

If you could please highlight to me where I was personal. My tone was passionately disagreeing, but not remotely directed at you (who are you anyway and why would I care enough to insult you?). I didn't insult you like you just did to me. Repeatedly.

You figure I 'wouldn't understand the irony'? Nice. Trying to insult my intelligence whilst saying nothing of substance.

Why the lengthy, repetitive, circular paragraph saying your opinion is an opinion? Tautology much?

If your opinion is offensive, such as 'racism isn't wrong/offensive', it isn't in any way justified or beyond challenge simply because it's an opinion.

Whilst I'm disgusted that you couldn't remain civil and started throwing insults, at least we all can see exactly where you stand now, and who you are as a person.

Why you couldn't reply like an adult is beyond my comprehension.

My backbone would have to break before I could stoop to your level to reply to the rest of your post, so I shall leave it to rot.

~ Clara

N.B. Mods with power complexes really make forums such great places...

Clara, lighten up: don't take yourself so seriously. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. You can agree or disagree. If you want to argue with someone take it to a PM. Please!

[Porpoise101]

It's very annoying but there's nothing I can do about it.
I do the same thing. I just keep it in mind because to me it shows they are unaware of themselves to some degree. It's not worth it trying to create conflict though.

[ClaraWho]

Clara, lighten up: don't take yourself so seriously. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. You can agree or disagree. If you want to argue with someone take it to a PM. Please!

There's a difference between taking a topic seriously, one which has hurt people I care about, that hurts strangers that I care about; and treating it as a joke.

That and the fact I just got insulted. Nobody is making you read my posts O.o Scroll on Billy, scroll on!

My posts, prior to the last, were on topic. Nothing wrong with looking in more depth than 'yes' or 'no', right?

Everyone isn't entitled to their opinion, and we should be thankful for it. Most Western countries have laws for that reason.

Plenty of other posts to browse Billy!

~ Clara

[everlong]

Doesn't bother me. I use them occasionally, but usually when I'm teasing someone.

[Bluebyrd]

I don't say it but it doesn't bother me

[Bull]

Everyone isn't entitled to their opinion, and we should be thankful for it.

~ Clara

Really? :eek:

[lyhom]

Pathetic. Does it make you feel big insulting a 16 year old girl online?

at most, jack is two years older than you. chill.

[Babs]

There are better things to put this much time and effort into than semantics.

[ClaraWho]

Really? :eek:

Of course Billy! Peadophiles, terrorists, rapists, murderers all have fact most countries ban prisoners from voting is just one example of how not everyone is entitled to an opinion. It's my opinion they shouldn't be, as I don't think that would be a nice world to live in, do you?

There are better things to put this much time and effort into than semantics.

Is there any other point in discussion?

But this is all hijacking this thread now! Waaay off-topic. Back to the OP's original question now we have straightened out where certain people stand on the matter, and given the different perspectives.

Do the use of these derogatory words bother you?

~ Clara

[Bull]

Do the use of these derogatory words bother you?

~ Clara

The use of any term intended to be derogatory or a slur bothers me.

[ptz7649]

I'm not gay, but if I was, that wouldn't just annoy me... It would probally make me really angry or upset. You don't deserve this and I hope it stops

[Hideous]

Use those words and I wouldn't care a single bit. I've been called that all my life, and I'm used to it. Does that mean people should still use it on others? Not at all, just because I think it's not offensive does not mean it isn't offensive to someone else.

[Zachary G]

When I hear people saying tings like that, I think of the old "Sticks and stones" saying and go on about my business, but I do think it is very immature of people to use those words that way because it can be very degrading to some.

[thatonekidjacob]

Yea that's a big problem with me
And my friends know it! I hate hearing them say
"Dude that movie was so gay"
You're talking about a movie! Movies don't have sexual preferences! Lol

Sometimes it gets to me. "Fag" bothers me the most. To me that's like the "n" word for gays. Gay doesn't bother me as much but I guess it's supposed to.

[ECSTASY]

Even my supportive friends who i am out as a gay to them use such words in front of me . They don't make fun of me but its just a habit for them . And i dont really care of some one uses gay as an insult . Thats not a big deal for me

[Jinglebottom]

You know, people don't say faggot where I live. They use the word "pédé" which is the french version. It bothers me just slightly more than "gay".

[Awakened Sin]

Now, I'll explain it from my point of view. When I say that's gay to another friend. We're not actually talking about sexuality. It's slang for that's stupid. I understand from your point that it can be offensive. But, most of my gay friends take no mind of it.

I'm black right. The racial term n***** is blatantly racist. Replace the er with an "a" then you have a term that means friend, brother, sister, ally, etc. The term gay is starting to have another tradtion such as my example above. Do I get offended when non-blacks say n***a? No. And I can confidently say most blacks do not care at all.

[tovaris]

Turn it back around on them.

[vboy]

I genuinley dont care what word they use, if its meant to b in a bad context then I dont bother with those people who say it that way. Im a gay, poof, fag, bum boy, queer, homo, I honestly dont mind what word it is.

[Gwen]

Doesn't really bother me, I agree with CK Louis on this one. I really don't relate it to homosexuality in anyway, hearing it while growing up you never actually understood what the definition was. You just used the term fag if someone was doing someone faggy(?), it isn't a good defensible position in anyway but to be honest it is hard to actually connect it to something derogatory if you've never actually used it or heard it in context of degrading someone's sexuality.

[Microcosm]

If it was obvious that the person was talking down to someone using those kinds of words, I would totally step in and tell them that they should be ashamed of themselves or something like that; not for using the word necessarily, but just for talking down to someone so harshly in the first place.

[ZACK0]

Grrrrr this is literally the most annoying thing yes it offends me

[northy]

Grrrrr this is literally the most annoying thing yes it offends me

I don't understand how anybody couldn't find it offensive. They are discriminatory words that have the same sort of intent as words like n**ger. Like with that, any decent person wouldn't use them.

[ZACK0]

ERRMAHGAWD YES northy

[Jamesclarke]

I don't like it but then again people are gonna say what they want. In a perfect world everyone would be educated on proper etiquette and would understand other people's feelings but this aint an ideal world and people can be loud, annoying and careless. if you have a problem with it and are comfortable doing so try to be pleasant and ask them to refrain from it and if they won't proceed accordingly.

[West Coast Sheriff]

I always try to correct people my age or younger when I hear them using those words. I won't correct a person older than me. I plan to minor in English next year, so I'm huge on vocabulary. Not only do those words sound offensive, but also they sound uneducated.

[Fallen angel4970]

Not sure where to post this, but does it annoy anyone else when friends or people you know use these words often as insults and stuff like "that's gay" etc.?
Let me tell you a little story, my friends and I were hanging and they were pissed, excuse my language... But they were, and they kept calling a guy a fag, gay, queer, and such, finally I told them to shut the hell up and he was apparently so pissed he forgot I was gay, so he turned and told me to go f myself and called me a gag, so I hit him as hard as physically possible... Not saying that's how to fix it but they don't use those words around me to often anymore, so to make a long story short it very annoying

[Emerald Dream]

Let me tell you a little story, my friends and I were hanging and they were pissed, excuse my language... But they were, and they kept calling a guy a fag, gay, queer, and such, finally I told them to shut the hell up and he was apparently so pissed he forgot I was gay, so he turned and told me to go f myself and called me a gag, so I hit him as hard as physically possible... Not saying that's how to fix it but they don't use those words around me to often anymore, so to make a long story short it very annoying

Please do not post in threads with more than two months of inactivity. :locked: