How can you tell if a friend doesn't care about a friendship?

[subzero4]

So basically this person and I used to be pretty good friends like we would chat usually on the walk after the buses and afterschool on the buses but now of all a sudden they like says their too tired to talk now and would rather listen to music than hang out after. I pointed out that it means we would only talk like once a day but their like that enough. So when they says that I get worried like they don't care much about our friendship. I mean they says they do but they like never initiates a conversation or anything even online. When I talked to them about it but they said I was just being oversensitive. Recently they say I have just been forcing conversations. I'm sorry to do that but I feel like if I don't start up anything they will never initiate contact and that we'll never talk. I pointed out how they talk to their other friends more than once but they just told me I'm closer to them and stuff. But then later they said like friendship doesn't matter how much you talk which seems to me like they are just contradicting what they said earlier. Honestly I don't know what to do now and I really am not sure if they actually give a crap tbh. I mean they did remember my birthday and tried to make a little talk. But when I asked them if they wanted to hangout on the bus again they just said they wanted to listen to music so I dunno

[Uniquemind]

So basically this person and I used to be pretty good friends like we would chat usually on the walk after the buses and afterschool on the buses but now of all a sudden they like says their too tired to talk now and would rather listen to music than hang out after. I pointed out that it means we would only talk like once a day but their like that enough. So when they says that I get worried like they don't care much about our friendship. I mean they says they do but they like never initiates a conversation or anything even online. When I talked to them about it but they said I was just being oversensitive. Recently they say I have just been forcing conversations. I'm sorry to do that but I feel like if I don't start up anything they will never initiate contact and that we'll never talk. I pointed out how they talk to their other friends more than once but they just told me I'm closer to them and stuff. But then later they said like friendship doesn't matter how much you talk which seems to me like they are just contradicting what they said earlier. Honestly I don't know what to do now and I really am not sure if they actually give a crap tbh. I mean they did remember my birthday and tried to make a little talk. But when I asked them if they wanted to hangout on the bus again they just said they wanted to listen to music so I dunno

Because your forcing it, and you think your bond with them should be equal to their bond and behavior with other people.

We call things friendships, but friendship A is not always the same to friendship B, and you cannot use logic (like you did when you did a behavior comparison), to force a change in fact if you do it will drive them further from you. This dynamic also plays the same in regards to getting close to someone in a romantic relationship, can't force it and can't use logic to initiate or maintain it.

It is within the emotional and psychological realm of what makes you and them feel comfortable and good and fun. Romantic relationships just add sexual urges to it, a detail that isn't your problem at the moment.

[subzero4]

I see what you mean but even before, they rarely initiate contact now and they used to and even before I compared they just stopped wanting to hang out

[redrider12]

Sounds like, at least to me, that they have moved on for whatever reason. The fact that they're accusing you of "forcing" dialogue in a manner which used to be routine is the pivot behind my opinion - I see that as a screaming "I don't really want to talk to you but I don't want to say that". If you were just badgering them at all hours with random stuff that seemed just superfluous, I could see that. But I don't think that's whats happening. I think they are just throwing hints that they don't want to be as close anymore. Not every friendship, no matter how strong it once was, is going to last.
I don't think bringing it up earnestly is oversensitive - they obviously know you all haven't been talking and your bringing it up that way shows them that you care. But the fact that he/she is saying it's negative - yeah, sounds to me like they're trying to wean themselves away from your friendship

[subzero4]

So I talked to them about it today. So I said that they don't put in enough effort but they told me that they do put in effort. I asked them how and they just said that they do with no examples. For the afterschool thing,they said they don't talk to anyone after so I guess I can't complain about that. I brought up the issue of conversation initiation but they just told me that they never have anything to say when they used to. I brought up the issue of hanging out and they said we could hang during lunch but I know they typically spend time with other friends and I don't want to like hog them. So I dunno what to do?

[subzero4]

I just talked to them again. So basically they told me in general that they are not just an initiator, I get that. Second, when I mentioned effort, they said that they don't think effort is needed in a friendship and things should be comfortable the way they are, like their just ok with us rarely talking and such, but they say they still consider us as good friends. So should I still put in effort?