Gay guys

[thatonekidjacob]

I'm gay so I can talk. Why does it seem like gay guys are always so shallow? Like always obsessed with Adele and drag queens. It's hard for me to be friends with gay guys because I don't care about any of that and they always judge me because I don't! I don't think I'm a "fake gay" but they tell me I'm not a "real gay" because I don't say "girl" and "bitch" all the time. Am I the only one?

[Cronor]

They are just desperately trying to act like stereotypical homosexuals.
Gay - a person attracted to another person of the same gender, it has nothing to do with your style (music, fashion, vocabulary...).

They are the "fake" gays, posers. Stay away from them.

[Bull]

Jacob, I like your style of thinking! Be yourself. Like who you like. At my university I encounter a lot of guys who are gay and like country music, go hunting, play sports, etc. and I never hear them use the stereotypical language of those who flaunt their homosexuality. They are just guys who are attracted to guys. No big deal. Not all gay guys are swishy. So if you find yourself in a group that makes you uncomfortable, move on.

[Abhorrence]

Agree with OP. Those types of people are the banes of my life. I would go as far as saying I hate them. They are absolutely one of the biggest reasons why homosexuality is hated by so many people. I guarantee if every gay person just acted as themselves and not a feminine, Gaga-loving idiot then people would just overlook it and get the fuck over it. But flaunting your sexuality everywhere is idiotic, there is no need for it. You don't see straight people constantly reminding everyone that they're straight, even if that is what Tumblr would want you to believe.

The fact that these people say to you that you are fake because you don't act like a stereotypical twat is actually shocking. They're clearly suffering from some delusion. Being a guy and liking guys doesn't mean you have to act like a girl. Not to mention the fact that the majority of gay guys actually like guys, not girls - so it makes no sense to act feminine as a mating call anyway.

Also, Relationships & Dating :arrow: Teen Sexuality & Gender.

[Tesserax]

I'm not gay personally, but I do hate the flamboyant gay types. In fact I hate anybody that is flamboyant and "fabulous" as they would call it. Nobody is just naturally like that, and if they are it is a mental defect and they need to be sent to a psychiatric ward. I know gay people, male and female, and they don't act like that. They're completely normal. 100% like a normal person. What's the difference? They like the same gender. Okay. Cool. They like the same gender. So they don't have to be weird just to show that they're gay.

[Bluebyrd]

Roger that. I know for a fact that most people that do hate (or dislike) gay people only hate them because of how they act. I'm the complete opposite to the stereotypical gay person.

[Slashman1]

I am gay to and i feel the same way i don't go around talking like im gay or dressing like i am im just gay thats all i don't act like it or anything i just like guys there are different ways people are just because your not what other people think you should be doesn't mean your fake

[northy]

I'm not gay personally, but I do hate the flamboyant gay types. In fact I hate anybody that is flamboyant and "fabulous" as they would call it. Nobody is just naturally like that, and if they are it is a mental defect and they need to be sent to a psychiatric ward. I know gay people, male and female, and they don't act like that. They're completely normal. 100% like a normal person. What's the difference? They like the same gender. Okay. Cool. They like the same gender. So they don't have to be weird just to show that they're gay.

Some gay people are like that, but they're definitely in the minority. I personally find them annoying and feel that they cast a negative image on the LGBT+ community in general.

[TimMyself]

Finally someone who isn't dying to see adele!!
#WhoopWhoop

[Jinglebottom]

I don't even like Adele, or drag queens for that matter. :P

[UNKNOWN8198]

This post seems to have basically turned it to 'hate on feminine gay guys' thread.

As a feminine gay guy, I can inform you that I didn't decide to be stereotypical gay just to fix my insecurities. It wasn't a decision I got to make, similar to how I didn't decide to be gay. I didn't go, 'oh I think I'm gay' and suddenly turn feminine. It's a comment that's been made about me since i was 5. Being feminine is also not something that I would've chosen either, given that it's more noticeable, and I avoid talking to people who aren't in my friend group because I hate the way that I naturally act in front of people.

Sorry that was snappy, however this topic really annoys me. Yes, some gay people are going to be pricks, but that goes for all types of people, regardless of anything about them. Some of those pricks are also going to be feminine gay guys, however some will also be just 'normal' gay guys. The problem with the feminine pricks, is that they express themselves more (hence feminine), so succeed in expressing their 'prickishness' and making them more noticeable. Unlike being feminine, being a prick is a choice you make. By 'discriminating' against feminine gay guys, which is basically what you are doing by saying 'I hate all feminine gay guys', you are putting them under the same discrimination that you have probably faced at some point in your life because you are gay. The difference here is that this discrimination is coming from people who know what it can be like, can empathize with it, but yet still classify an entire 'sub-group' of the gay community and go 'I hate them' based on something they may have no control over. By all means, go and discriminate against the pricks, because they have chosen to be pricks, however you can't say one person is A, therefore they are also B, when one of those is a choice and the other isn't necessarily.

Roger that. I know for a fact that most people that do hate (or dislike) gay people only hate them because of how they act. I'm the complete opposite to the stereotypical gay person.

Moving slightly off topic to The Byrd. No it is not 'fact' that most people that do hate or dislike gay people do it based on how they act. Last time I checked the religious people of America weren't going 'it's immoral because they act like women', and ISIS weren't killing them for the same reason. By putting 'I know for a fact' in front of a sentence doesn't make it true. I personally don't know why most people who hate gay people do, mainly because I can't talk for millions of people, and I'm not one who shares their views. I can also be certain that no-one knows either, given no-one can talk for the millions of different people [sorry about that however other people could see it and then decide to use it as 'their fact' and mis-information is spread].

Sorry got snappy again, will now only talk about the original thread (where to my surprise the word feminine is not mentioned once, how did this thread veer off??).

Just as LeHott said, the only qualification for being gay is being attracted to the same sex. There are no other things that influence how 'gay you are'. If you only like guys then well done, you're 100% gay. The problem that you then get with stereotypes is that they're wrong, hence they're stereotypes. The group of gay guys around you may like Adele and drag, however that isn't symbolic of the whole collective. You will tend to get groups liking similar things (around me it seems to be Lady Gaga at the moment as what the 'gay guys' should stereotypically like), and stereotypes will influence that slightly, because of the need to 'fit in'.

The fact they told you you weren't gay because you didn't use stock phrases I find bizzare, and I would avoid being friends with them based on their views of what qualifies as being gay. The fact that that is how the group views it probably also means that there are members in that group acting like the others in order to have friends in the group. You may be able to find a few individuals who are 'non-stereotypical' if that is the case, but feel they need to act like the others because that is the image of 'gay people' that they are exposed to.

[SethfromMI]

I'm gay so I can talk. Why does it seem like gay guys are always so shallow? Like always obsessed with Adele and drag queens. It's hard for me to be friends with gay guys because I don't care about any of that and they always judge me because I don't! I don't think I'm a "fake gay" but they tell me I'm not a "real gay" because I don't say "girl" and "bitch" all the time. Am I the only one?

I am not obsessed with Adele or drag queens. now I am bi but whatever

[Dalcourt]

I know a lot of those flamboyant and feminine gays, like with all other people some of them are nice people and some aren't. I'm gay myself but even though I'm looking rather girlish I'm not the feminine type at all. The way I am is usually accepted among other gays but some of the straight people at my school kinda think I'm not gay as I don't act like they feel gays have to act.

There's no real or fake gays as we are all just people with different tastes and preferences after all why should sexuality change something about that? Straight guys act in different ways so why should it be different with gays?
If we can't even accept ourselves how should others?

You don't like the feminine type? Fine, go find some other friends instead of hating on them. If you'd be a nerd interested in nothing else but computers you wouldn't necessarily be friends with the jocks at your school either, would you? So find people that share your interests no matter of being straight or gay and don't say you want to be friend with other gays but don't like the way they are.

[Hideous]

I'm flamboyant and feminine. I get nasty looks all the time because I express myself that way and I'm happy (I feel fucking fabulous).

There's so much discrimination in the LGBT community, it's so sad. I wear makeup, I do drag, I love listening to Britney Spears. I have done honestly nothing wrong. That's just what I love to do ever since I was little up until now!

By saying you're not one of "those" gay guys is internalized homophobia at best. I accept all the queens I'll ever meet in my life, and I'll love them like I love everyone else.

[Semi_IronMan]

I'm gay so I can talk. Why does it seem like gay guys are always so shallow? Like always obsessed with Adele and drag queens. It's hard for me to be friends with gay guys because I don't care about any of that and they always judge me because I don't! I don't think I'm a "fake gay" but they tell me I'm not a "real gay" because I don't say "girl" and "bitch" all the time. Am I the only one?

I got u. I'm the same, I don't like all that flamboyance that some gay guys have, it really gets under my skin. I'm a guys guy but I'm also gay, doesn't mean I'm fake or anything, I'm just not feminine

[HunterDaniels]

I'm gay so I can talk. Why does it seem like gay guys are always so shallow? Like always obsessed with Adele and drag queens. It's hard for me to be friends with gay guys because I don't care about any of that and they always judge me because I don't! I don't think I'm a "fake gay" but they tell me I'm not a "real gay" because I don't say "girl" and "bitch" all the time. Am I the only one?

Yea a lot of gay guys are very feminine and over the top. its sort of a stereotype and the way a lot of straight people think all gay guys are. but I dont mind it actually I think its funny. And i think theres all different types of people no matter what their sexuality is. Like me in some ways im very much like a gay stereotype cuz I suck at sports or throwing a ball and i love musicals. But in other ways im not gay acting at all cuz I have no change in my voice and i could care less about clothes or fashion.
When I came out my guy friends were like BUT YOURE NOT GAY ACTING AT ALL!
The other thing all my guy friends said was BUT GIRLS LOVE YOU DUDE!
Well they still love me but now like a girlfriend lol
And I did have one girl in a text tell me that if I would go into a room alone with her for 20 minutes she would prove im "not gay" :eek:
I was flattered but said UMM NO THANK YOU IM GOOD :rolleyes:

[Babs]

We're all just regular people trying to live our lives the best way we can. There will always be people whose demeanor and personal interests differ from yours, but that doesn't mean you're above them.

Some of yous guys are doing the exact same thing that you're criticizing feminine gay guys for. Don't be hypocrites.

[West Coast Sheriff]

Although I am a heterosexual male, I've spoken with many gay guys. The ones I know aren't usually stereotypical gays. Being gay is defined by your attraction to the same sex, not your feminine attitude. They are desperately trying to embrace their homosexuality.

[Vermilion]

I'm not camp I hate the whole drag queen thing. I like metal and rock, I work in construction no one can tell I like guys. so I guess im the opposite to what people think of a gay/bi guy. At college people joke about gay people and will use me in the joke cos they are all sure I'm straight.

So yes I'm a fake gay :P

[casabaka]

sup bit*ch j/k

I guess it depends who you ass you with. Oops I mean who you associate with. Sometimes guys ask me why do i act so gay? My answer is why do you act so str8? lol

My friends know I'm gay. I'm not the swishy gay. But I'm not all that macho either. I throw a ball like a girl. lol

Now I forgot what your question was. Just a minute while I look again.

Ok, I'm back. Did you miss me? I didn't think so.

I think some gays are insecure and seek attention anyway they can get it. Draw attention to themselves by dressing weird and talking all the biotch stuff.

As for me, I prefer wearing a pink thong with red lipstick. NOT! lol

[RiHouse]

I'm not gay, but I am bisexual, so I understand basically what you're on about. I'm always asked by people if I've ever been in a threesome, orgy etc. just because I'm bi. It's really insulting to me that that's all my sexual preference is worth.

[Zachary G]

I'm gay so I can talk. Why does it seem like gay guys are always so shallow? Like always obsessed with Adele and drag queens. It's hard for me to be friends with gay guys because I don't care about any of that and they always judge me because I don't! I don't think I'm a "fake gay" but they tell me I'm not a "real gay" because I don't say "girl" and "bitch" all the time. Am I the only one?

I have gay friends who are exactly how you describe and sometimes it bothers me and sometimes it doesnt because I know its just the way they are. They may be mimicking the things they see on television because they think its cool or the way to be, but they know I dont indulge and they respect that and dont try to put me down for it. Some of us are a boys boy, some of us are fem boys, etc, but its just who you are. No you arent alone in feeling the way you feel, many of us feel or have felt the same way at some point.

[Jamesclarke]

Being gay doesn't define your personality just like having green eyes doesn't. It doesn't matter how you act as long as you try to be a decent person. Don't judge people based on their femininity or masculinity because at the end of the day we are all gonna die so we might as well accept that people act how they act.

[Straya]

im gay and im attracted to guys that act like guys if i wanted to date someone acting like a girl id date a girl

[Hideous]

http://i.imgur.com/YgIvOeJ.jpg

Just wanted to post that picture.

I'm a stereotypical gay guy (that probably means you should stay away from me at all times to protect your fragile masculinity). I listen to Britney Spears because I want to. I can walk however I want, I can dress however I want, I can talk however I want. I don't let anyone force me into liking anything else because society says so and it's not me. I would rather be hated for how I express myself than to follow a group that spreads hate. We as gay guys already experience enough discrimination, stop hating on each other and be kind.

[egrea9]

Its a sexual preference and it does not have a look or sound. Im sure a lot of people think they are all shallow and fake but what they don't notice is the other half or more that just look like ordinary straight blokes. If people think your not gay because your not fake and effeminate then their tossers. Best of luck with it all

[Darrysisland]

I have a lot of gay friends and trust me, gay guys have all sorts of different personalities and interests.. from bodybuilding to cars, drag shows to singing, sports to art. They range from really camp to really masculine and everywhere in between. My advice would be to stay positive, be assured there are lots of guys out there on your wavelength, and try to be tolerant of guys you might perceive as more feminine or alternative... they're expressing themselves too and it's pretty brave I reckon to be confident enough to not adhere to norms of masculinity when they feel more comfortable acting differently.

[TheAP]

They were wrong to tell you you weren't a real gay. But liking Adele and drag queens doesn't make them shallow, either, nor does it mean they're faking. Breaking a stereotype isn't a bad thing; nor is fitting a stereotype. Like what you like, and let others like what they like.

[DoodleSnap]

I know the feeling. To be honest, I find camp stereotypes a major turn off. I just prefer to be myself, because I am not a single representation of my sexuality; I actually enjoy being a person with opinions, and stuff.

[Snazzler]

I'm gay so I can talk. Why does it seem like gay guys are always so shallow? Like always obsessed with Adele and drag queens. It's hard for me to be friends with gay guys because I don't care about any of that and they always judge me because I don't! I don't think I'm a "fake gay" but they tell me I'm not a "real gay" because I don't say "girl" and "bitch" all the time. Am I the only one?

I'd say i'm bi but more towards guys, and I act like a straight guy would. My school is full of homophobes so I never see a lot of other people like me.

[thatonekidjacob]

image (http://i.imgur.com/YgIvOeJ.jpg)

Just wanted to post that picture.

I'm a stereotypical gay guy (that probably means you should stay away from me at all times to protect your fragile masculinity). I listen to Britney Spears because I want to. I can walk however I want, I can dress however I want, I can talk however I want. I don't let anyone force me into liking anything else because society says so and it's not me. I would rather be hated for how I express myself than to follow a group that spreads hate. We as gay guys already experience enough discrimination, stop hating on each other and be kind.

Who did you direct that to?

[Hideous]

Who did you direct that to?

Every single post targeting feminine gay guys and making it seem like it's a bad thing. There are people on this forum reading these threads and struggling with their identity and sexuality. I feel it's best if I stick up for them and support them because I am one of them.

[thatonekidjacob]

Every single post targeting feminine gay guys and making it seem like it's a bad thing. There are people on this forum reading these threads and struggling with their identity and sexuality. I feel it's best if I stick up for them and support them because I am one of them.

I was wondering. For me it's the other way around.

[eric2001]

People should live their lives that way they want to. Period. Whatever makes you happy.

[Hideous]

I was wondering. For me it's the other way around.

If you think being feminine and liking certain things is not appropriate, while you also think masculinity is the norm, then yes, this is directed towards you.

[West Coast Sheriff]

If you think being feminine and liking certain things is not appropriate, while you also think masculinity is the norm, then yes, this is directed towards you.

I didn't think Jacob was necessarily judging feminine gays. He was saying he feels judged by the feminine gays he knows for being masculine.

In my opinion, everyone should choose how they express themselves. No one has to conform to society's rules or someone's stereotype.

[Hideous]

I didn't think Jacob was necessarily judging feminine gays. He was saying he feels judged by the feminine gays he knows for being masculine.

In my opinion, everyone should choose how they express themselves. No one has to conform to society's rules or someone's stereotype.

I definitely agree with you. It just the stigma of femininity, in which I feel most of these posts are discriminating against feminine gay guys. Not all of us are "insecure" or "fake", it's who we are. I was saying that if Jacob feels being feminine is wrong, then my post above is directed towards him, and if he doesn't feel that way, then it should not apply to him.

There are people going through rough shit and to be picked out because of their identity is low.

[West Coast Sheriff]

I definitely agree with you. It just the stigma of femininity, in which I feel most of these posts are discriminating against feminine gay guys. Not all of us are "insecure" or "fake", it's who we are. I was saying that if Jacob feels being feminine is wrong, then my post above is directed towards him, and if he doesn't feel that way, then it should not apply to him.

There are people going through rough shit and to be picked out because of their identity is low.

I agree with you. There were some offensive posts I noticed which wouldn't be helpful for someone struggling with identity.

[Bluebyrd]

This post seems to have basically turned it to 'hate on feminine gay guys' thread.

As a feminine gay guy, I can inform you that I didn't decide to be stereotypical gay just to fix my insecurities. It wasn't a decision I got to make, similar to how I didn't decide to be gay. I didn't go, 'oh I think I'm gay' and suddenly turn feminine. It's a comment that's been made about me since i was 5. Being feminine is also not something that I would've chosen either, given that it's more noticeable, and I avoid talking to people who aren't in my friend group because I hate the way that I naturally act in front of people.

Sorry that was snappy, however this topic really annoys me. Yes, some gay people are going to be pricks, but that goes for all types of people, regardless of anything about them. Some of those pricks are also going to be feminine gay guys, however some will also be just 'normal' gay guys. The problem with the feminine pricks, is that they express themselves more (hence feminine), so succeed in expressing their 'prickishness' and making them more noticeable. Unlike being feminine, being a prick is a choice you make. By 'discriminating' against feminine gay guys, which is basically what you are doing by saying 'I hate all feminine gay guys', you are putting them under the same discrimination that you have probably faced at some point in your life because you are gay. The difference here is that this discrimination is coming from people who know what it can be like, can empathize with it, but yet still classify an entire 'sub-group' of the gay community and go 'I hate them' based on something they may have no control over. By all means, go and discriminate against the pricks, because they have chosen to be pricks, however you can't say one person is A, therefore they are also B, when one of those is a choice and the other isn't necessarily.



Moving slightly off topic to The Byrd. No it is not 'fact' that most people that do hate or dislike gay people do it based on how they act. Last time I checked the religious people of America weren't going 'it's immoral because they act like women', and ISIS weren't killing them for the same reason. By putting 'I know for a fact' in front of a sentence doesn't make it true. I personally don't know why most people who hate gay people do, mainly because I can't talk for millions of people, and I'm not one who shares their views. I can also be certain that no-one knows either, given no-one can talk for the millions of different people [sorry about that however other people could see it and then decide to use it as 'their fact' and mis-information is spread].

Sorry got snappy again, will now only talk about the original thread (where to my surprise the word feminine is not mentioned once, how did this thread veer off??).

Just as LeHott said, the only qualification for being gay is being attracted to the same sex. There are no other things that influence how 'gay you are'. If you only like guys then well done, you're 100% gay. The problem that you then get with stereotypes is that they're wrong, hence they're stereotypes. The group of gay guys around you may like Adele and drag, however that isn't symbolic of the whole collective. You will tend to get groups liking similar things (around me it seems to be Lady Gaga at the moment as what the 'gay guys' should stereotypically like), and stereotypes will influence that slightly, because of the need to 'fit in'.

The fact they told you you weren't gay because you didn't use stock phrases I find bizzare, and I would avoid being friends with them based on their views of what qualifies as being gay. The fact that that is how the group views it probably also means that there are members in that group acting like the others in order to have friends in the group. You may be able to find a few individuals who are 'non-stereotypical' if that is the case, but feel they need to act like the others because that is the image of 'gay people' that they are exposed to.

I've heard that directly from someone's mouth so it kinda is.

[UNKNOWN8198]

I've heard that directly from someone's mouth so it kinda is.

Though a bit out of context and time, I'll assume that's addressed to me.

For something to be a 'fact' you need evidence to back it up, which is not 'well, I heard... '. The 'fact' that you are now justifying your statement by going 'well I heard it from someone' kind of demonstrates why I brought the point up in the first place. Misinformation spreads misinformation, and for such a topic that is really not a good idea because some people will believe just about any 'fact' they can find. Also, who is this one person, or even multiple people, that can sum up the thoughts and feelings of most people??
You can structure it as an opinion if you wanted, that's fine, however opinion and fact are very different things, and generally they involve the words 'in my opinion' in some form or other, to show people it's not fact.

To clarify, I am not disagreeing with you if you are saying that some people dislike gay people because of how they act, however if you are saying most people do (which is what is in your original post) then I do have to disagree. Yes, a lot of people dislike gay people because of their 'lifestyle', but that's not how they act, that's who they are; a different thing.
[Also to clarify, as you can tell from the rest of the original post, I wasn't particularly happy at the time of writing because of the other posts in the thread. The section on your post wasn't about you, rather your post, and you have kind of just demonstrated why I decided to post that bit]

[thatonekidjacob]

If you think being feminine and liking certain things is not appropriate, while you also think masculinity is the norm, then yes, this is directed towards you.

That isn't what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I get picked on for not being a "real gay" because I'm not feminine and not liking certain things. So what if I'm not feminine. Is that wrong?

[West Coast Sheriff]

That isn't what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I get picked on for not being a "real gay" because I'm not feminine and not liking certain things. So what if I'm not feminine. Is that wrong?

It's not wrong. You need to express yourself the way you will feel best represents you.

[Hideous]

That isn't what I'm saying. What I'm saying is I get picked on for not being a "real gay" because I'm not feminine and not liking certain things. So what if I'm not feminine. Is that wrong?

There's nothing wrong if you're not feminine. I'm not picking on you. It's the replies to this thread that irks me. My post with the picture is directed towards those that think being feminine is "fake" or "stupid". I know what you meant and I know what you're saying. I sincerely apologize that I'm going off topic. By the way, those guys that picked on you should be the least of your concern. Please don't let that experience push you away from people that are feminine and genuinely want to be your friend. There's no such thing as real gay, yes, there's stereotypes, but really, if you despise someone's lifestyle that much, I would just keep my mouth shut and move on. That goes for every masculine, feminine human, goat, horse, cat, or dog on this planet.

Live and let live.

[thatonekidjacob]

There's nothing wrong if you're not feminine. I'm not picking on you. It's the replies to this thread that irks me. My post with the picture is directed towards those that think being feminine is "fake" or "stupid". I know what you meant and I know what you're saying. I sincerely apologize that I'm going off topic. By the way, those guys that picked on you should be the least of your concern. Please don't let that experience push you away from people that are feminine and genuinely want to be your friend. There's no such thing as real gay, yes, there's stereotypes, but really, if you despise someone's lifestyle that much, I would just keep my mouth shut and move on. That goes for every masculine, feminine human, goat, horse, cat, or dog on this planet.

Live and let live.

It doesn't push me away. It hurts my feelings tho. Why do people have to say shit like that?

[Hideous]

It doesn't push me away. It hurts my feelings tho. Why do people have to say shit like that?

Because one word, idiots, they're just idiots. I'm in your exact same position, and it sucks but hey, not everyone's gonna like you. They don't know how amazing you are.

[UNKNOWN8198]

It doesn't push me away. It hurts my feelings tho. Why do people have to say shit like that?

Because some people are pricks who feel as though certain people must act certain ways. Either that or they're just bullies in which case if it wasn't that, they'd find something else that they'd think would degrade you.

A slightly better way to go about this might be to just ignore your sexuality completely, and focus on being a 'real person', or at least in the sense that you are being true to yourself. Be the person you want to be, and act how you want to act, so long as it doesn't negatively affect others. The fact that you are gay does not define any other part of you other than the fact that you like men, so for them to suggest that you are not feminine enough to be gay is laughable. It's like suggesting that a black guy is not black because he doesn't use the term 'homie' or like cars, they're just stereotypes.

[As a note, living in an area where I don't think I've ever seen racism or heard black stereotypes, I have no idea what to use as an example, so I resorted to what I think are TV stereotypes, but hopefully the general idea is there]