My stepmother

[RJH98]

My parents divorced 6 years ago this month. I'm doing great, thank you.

3 years ago my dad met a women. Let's call her Elis. She has two kids. Twins. A boy and a girl. they're 13 now. Let's call them Vincent and Rosanne.

For a long time we got along very well. Elis had my kind of humor and I liked her a lot. Vincent and I both liked gaming so we had something to do together. I didn't mind Rosanne but she was a bit quiet around me. Don't blame her.

It all kicked off when they moved in with us. I had to trade in my huge room for a 3x2 meter room, but I don't mind. I always wanted a room that was all bed anyway.

I had a cat. Her name is Cat. It doesn't get more cheesy but I had no inspiration at all. Elis doesn't like animals. My dad gave Cat away to the contractor who reconstructed our house. My dad didn't tell me though. I found out in two hours though. I freaked out. Punched a hole in my door and left. I got back pretty quickly though because I felt bad.

When I tried explaining to my dad how I felt about the whole situation all I got to hear was that it was the only option. We had to adjust to there now being 6 people in the house instead of 3 and dumping Cat was one of the consequences. I got over it over time (or so I still tell myself).

That is now 1,5 years ago. In the mean time a lot has happened. I almost left my dad's house for good. Elis was talking crap behind my back and my sister heard it and told me. She said I was a "lazy 17 year old, who just played games all day. I should get a job working in a supermarket, because that is what she did when she was my age".

All the small things that happened over the last 1,5 years show their results today. I am annoyed by everything Vincent does. He has no manners, eats with his mouth open and he is always touching me. He says he wants to hit me in my stomach to see if I feel pain. He is always touching my arms to feel them. Not to long ago I almost broke his arm while playing football and caught myself grinning.

I can't say anything about his behavior because Elis is very protective. When I ask him if he wants to eat with his mouth closed she says that he likes his food better that way so he can eat like that if he wants. I know even his sister is annoyed like hell but she doesn't want to say anything about it.

Today I was home alone with my sister all day. I decided to make some eggs for me and her because we were both hungry. When Elis got home I hadn't cleaned up the kitchen yet because I was still eating and didn't want my eggs to be cold.

Well I got to hear about that at dinner. She was pissed because the house was a terrible mess. We dragged mud through the entire house, I took a piss in the sink, my sister shat in the oven and there was a dead rat in her shoe*. All me and my sisters fault. I know what she was talking about. I did indeed leave a pan on the stove and a knife on the countertop.

I lost it today. I tried keeping everything in for over a year now and I can't do it anymore. Every time I do something I never hear the end of it, but when Vincent does something it's okay. It's just not fair and I can't say anything about it because all I hear is that what I feel isn't true.

I just needed to type this out.

*Contains more sarcasm than the average line said by Matthew Perry on Friends

[Ratman1234]

You should definetly talk to your dad about this. It seems like your step mum is pretty annoying and giving your car away without your dad asking you was not okay. Just try to talk to him about all of it in private whilst your step mum isn't there.

[Magenta]

Jesus, she sounds like my stepmother. You really need to talk to your dad about this. Because he should be standing up for you when you need him to, not giving over to another woman on decisions that affect your life.

I'm going to say this because I've been there: she is not your parent, he is, and when it comes to major decisions and how you are treated, that is not her decision. Doesn't matter how long they've been together. My dad got together with a new woman about six months after my parents separated and that woman was a fucking nightmare (also with two kids, join the club, except it's my sister that's annoying).

It is not "the only option". Blending your family does not mean letting them have the run of the place. It does not mean treating them better because they're new. It means acting like a family and if she's not treating you well or you're being fucked over because of her or her children, that's not okay.

I don't know what to tell you except to talk to your dad and hope he understands how you feel and listens. But I'm going to be realistic: he may not. 12 years later, my dad never did. In fact, it got so bad I tell people that I don't have a dad. It's an unfortunate reality that I would not wish on you or anyone else so I'm sorry this is happening.

If you ever want to talk, I know how it feels.

[RJH98]

Jesus, she sounds like my stepmother. You really need to talk to your dad about this. Because he should be standing up for you when you need him to, not giving over to another woman on decisions that affect your life.

I'm going to say this because I've been there: she is not your parent, he is, and when it comes to major decisions and how you are treated, that is not her decision. Doesn't matter how long they've been together. My dad got together with a new woman about six months after my parents separated and that woman was a fucking nightmare (also with two kids, join the club, except it's my sister that's annoying).

It is not "the only option". Blending your family does not mean letting them have the run of the place. It does not mean treating them better because they're new. It means acting like a family and if she's not treating you well or you're being fucked over because of her or her children, that's not okay.

I don't know what to tell you except to talk to your dad and hope he understands how you feel and listens. But I'm going to be realistic: he may not. 12 years later, my dad never did. In fact, it got so bad I tell people that I don't have a dad. It's an unfortunate reality that I would not wish on you or anyone else so I'm sorry this is happening.

If you ever want to talk, I know how it feels.

Thank you so much for your respons, it means a lot to me.

Last weekend my stepmother and her kids were out of town so I spent the entire day with just my dad and my sister (which was the best hing that happened in 2016). I tried to have an open talk with my dad at dinner, and it kind of was and wasn't. I got to say some of the stuff I said in the opening post but I didn't want to ruin the night by getting to mad.

As expected my dad was covering for her and her kids. His reasoning behind some of her kids' behavior was that they are just hitting puberty and this (sweating and not showering for days, being a dick to their mother etc.) was new to them and I should give them space to get used to their "new" situation. To be honest I got exactly the reaction I was expecting but I'm still a bit disappointed because I was hoping to make some progress

[ashdaniel]

My parents divorced 6 years ago this month. I'm doing great, thank you.

3 years ago my dad met a women. Let's call her Elis. She has two kids. Twins. A boy and a girl. they're 13 now. Let's call them Vincent and Rosanne.

For a long time we got along very well. Elis had my kind of humor and I liked her a lot. Vincent and I both liked gaming so we had something to do together. I didn't mind Rosanne but she was a bit quiet around me. Don't blame her.

It all kicked off when they moved in with us. I had to trade in my huge room for a 3x2 meter room, but I don't mind. I always wanted a room that was all bed anyway.

I had a cat. Her name is Cat. It doesn't get more cheesy but I had no inspiration at all. Elis doesn't like animals. My dad gave Cat away to the contractor who reconstructed our house. My dad didn't tell me though. I found out in two hours though. I freaked out. Punched a hole in my door and left. I got back pretty quickly though because I felt bad.

When I tried explaining to my dad how I felt about the whole situation all I got to hear was that it was the only option. We had to adjust to there now being 6 people in the house instead of 3 and dumping Cat was one of the consequences. I got over it over time (or so I still tell myself).

That is now 1,5 years ago. In the mean time a lot has happened. I almost left my dad's house for good. Elis was talking crap behind my back and my sister heard it and told me. She said I was a "lazy 17 year old, who just played games all day. I should get a job working in a supermarket, because that is what she did when she was my age".

All the small things that happened over the last 1,5 years show their results today. I am annoyed by everything Vincent does. He has no manners, eats with his mouth open and he is always touching me. He says he wants to hit me in my stomach to see if I feel pain. He is always touching my arms to feel them. Not to long ago I almost broke his arm while playing football and caught myself grinning.

I can't say anything about his behavior because Elis is very protective. When I ask him if he wants to eat with his mouth closed she says that he likes his food better that way so he can eat like that if he wants. I know even his sister is annoyed like hell but she doesn't want to say anything about it.

Today I was home alone with my sister all day. I decided to make some eggs for me and her because we were both hungry. When Elis got home I hadn't cleaned up the kitchen yet because I was still eating and didn't want my eggs to be cold.

Well I got to hear about that at dinner. She was pissed because the house was a terrible mess. We dragged mud through the entire house, I took a piss in the sink, my sister shat in the oven and there was a dead rat in her shoe*. All me and my sisters fault. I know what she was talking about. I did indeed leave a pan on the stove and a knife on the countertop.

I lost it today. I tried keeping everything in for over a year now and I can't do it anymore. Every time I do something I never hear the end of it, but when Vincent does something it's okay. It's just not fair and I can't say anything about it because all I hear is that what I feel isn't true.

I just needed to type this out.

*Contains more sarcasm than the average line said by Matthew Perry on Friends

Wow man, what can I say. It is difficult because two family become one. I have deal with same stuff with my own parents. Especially when I am at your age, I was full of anger and doesn't understand why they would do this. My parents still together but they are no better.
One thing I learn growing as especially at your age which I bern through. We are easily trigger and more emotional anger.
I leave my parents house and come to Canada to study at 17. It know it is hard and I know we will have some melt down.
Just think in this way, I hope you don't get offend(just my opinions) I know you hate when your stepmom talk behind of you but just think it is her opinions about stuff and she can say it to you but more than likely you wouldn't give a crap. Having a stepbrother that is annoying is the worst but just think the other way around if you are in your stepmother's position what would you do. Your stepbrother is 13 which is the evil age and 17.
There are always two way around. I can defiantly relate your anger and feeling because I been through similar experience but as you get older you will know that is nothing compare to the real society.
It may sound scarey but you are 17 no longer a kid. You gonna face the society sooner or later. It is the process of life. I hope you do good and don't let the anger get your mind. Chills

[RJH98]

Thanks for your comment.

I wrote the post last Monday when I just had an argument with her. I'm usually pretty calm when I'm in an argument but I just lost it. I just had to write everything down and decided to post it.

In my daily life I actually do a lot of public speaking about the situations I sometimes find myself in since my parents divorced which helped me a lot over the past years. I am really good at expressing myself in a positive way but that just totally disappeared when writing the opening post.

I'm taking your advice to see the situation from her point of view and it helps a lot to get a bit more understanding for the way she handles the entire situation. I appreciate your advice a lot man!