"Problematic" girl

[jft96]

I have a fwb,we are in love,we are dating,hanging out all the time,and we will maybe get together.She started to hanging out with bad people and.She also started to smoke pot and cigarettes.She is just smoking on parties and when she goes out.I am not okey with that,we are fighting 24/7 and it so bad.What to do,i love her too much to left her,but i dont wanna have anything with her because of that.I am the biggest hater of cigarettes and pot.She also want to try ecstasy,i am scared for her.

[Exotic Babe]

The only thing you can really do is try to talk to her about it and how you feel about these things. You can't control her or tell her what she can or can not do. Or you could hope it's just a phase (of wanting to try new things/trying to be cooler by smoking etc) and it'll go over soon. But it may not.

[Cronor]

Be careful about this, it's how I lost my best friend..

Before you do anything, make sure that all the stories are real.

A couple of people told me the same thing about my best friend on Christmas. I asked her about it and she got mad at me and blocked me. I was really scared & worried for her, so I told her step-brother (the guy that I know from music school) to inform her parents.
It turns out that the people fooled me because they were angry at her, and I ruined her family's Christmas. Now she won't talk to me.. She was my motivation for everything. I woke up thinking about her. Now I go to sleep early and stay in bed until 2-3 PM... I have no will for anything.

Just be careful when doing anything.. Talk to her first. Try to get her alone, sit down, and tell her all your feelings and explain her the danger.

[jft96]

The only thing you can really do is try to talk to her about it and how you feel about these things. You can't control her or tell her what she can or can not do. Or you could hope it's just a phase (of wanting to try new things/trying to be cooler by smoking etc) and it'll go over soon. But it may not.

It is a phase,she told me that,but its bothering me very much,we stopped talking and she is love of my life

[jft96]

Be careful about this, it's how I lost my best friend..

Before you do anything, make sure that all the stories are real.

A couple of people told me the same thing about my best friend on Christmas. I asked her about it and she got mad at me and blocked me. I was really scared & worried for her, so I told her step-brother (the guy that I know from music school) to inform her parents.
It turns out that the people fooled me because they were angry at her, and I ruined her family's Christmas. Now she won't talk to me.. She was my motivation for everything. I woke up thinking about her. Now I go to sleep early and stay in bed until 2-3 PM... I have no will for anything.

Just be careful when doing anything.. Talk to her first. Try to get her alone, sit down, and tell her all your feelings and explain her the danger.

Everyone,i am telling that on Croatian because its more easier :)

Kuzim te,brate..samo mene jebe jer je upala u krivo drustvo i sama mi prizna kad nes napravi,prvo je pocela sa travom,pa cigarete,sad bi i ekstazi kaze..to kao iz zajebancije,al bojim se da ne postane za stalno...

[Exotic Babe]

Everyone,i am telling that on Croatian because its more easier :)

Kuzim te,brate..samo mene jebe jer je upala u krivo drustvo i sama mi prizna kad nes napravi,prvo je pocela sa travom,pa cigarete,sad bi i ekstazi kaze..to kao iz zajebancije,al bojim se da ne postane za stalno...

Uhm I don't know how many of us here can understand that...

[jft96]

I told:
I got you,bro.Problem is her company,and she admits me when she do something(like smoking),she started with weed,and cigars,now she want to try ecstasy.She said its not a big deal,but im afraid

[Exotic Babe]

I told:
I got you,bro.Problem is her company,and she admits me when she do something(like smoking),she started with weed,and cigars,now she want to try ecstasy.She said its not a big deal,but im afraid

Well, she seems to be quite considering about your feelings, so that's a good thing. Just tell her everything, how you're afraid, how maybe you don't like how she smells like smoke etc. If she doesn't want to stop, you could maybe accompany her when she wants to try something again? Until the 'phase' is over, I guess. It's a difficult situation tbh.

[ClaraWho]

I have a fwb,we are in love,we are dating,hanging out all the time,and we will maybe get together.She started to hanging out with bad people and.She also started to smoke pot and cigarettes.She is just smoking on parties and when she goes out.I am not okey with that,we are fighting 24/7 and it so bad.What to do,i love her too much to left her,but i dont wanna have anything with her because of that.I am the biggest hater of cigarettes and pot.She also want to try ecstasy,i am scared for her.


That's the problem with people willing to take massive risks for cheap, quick thrills over long-term happiness. It's a pattern. Those willing to take a FWB aren't usually the type to give a damn about other stupid, irrational decisions. It all comes down to an abundance of impulsive decision making, fuelled by inhibition stripping substances.

What you are witnessing is a car crash in slow motion. You can either stay in the car, buckle up tight and try to scrape back together what you can from the wreckage... Or you can bail out and watch from a distance. Either way you cannot stop the crash, just whether you want to be involved in it to pick up the pieces (including perhaps of yourself).

She won't listen to your reason, because she feels you won't go anywhere. You will just be there to support her and give her sex (probably not the only one she'll be having sex with if FWB is her type).

Personally I've seen this happen and it's extremely difficult to 'give-up' on someone you care about. But they don't reciprocate that feeling or really care. To them they'd rather die at 27 in a drug-induced coma, than live a long fulfilling life. Maybe she has issues in her past, maybe that is just her mental disposition.

If you feel there is a reason behind it, such as potentially abuse as a child, then it may be salvageable. But that requires an admission that you took advantage of her when she was vulnerable.

Not a great situation to be in, but a part of me thinks 'you made the bed...'



Be careful about this, it's how I lost my best friend..

Before you do anything, make sure that all the stories are real.

A couple of people told me the same thing about my best friend on Christmas. I asked her about it and she got mad at me and blocked me. I was really scared & worried for her, so I told her step-brother (the guy that I know from music school) to inform her parents.
It turns out that the people fooled me because they were angry at her, and I ruined her family's Christmas. Now she won't talk to me.. She was my motivation for everything. I woke up thinking about her. Now I go to sleep early and stay in bed until 2-3 PM... I have no will for anything.

Just be careful when doing anything.. Talk to her first. Try to get her alone, sit down, and tell her all your feelings and explain her the danger.

For you chap, pick yourself up off the floor. Nothing is over, until it is. Helpful right?

Give it a couple of weeks, maybe longer, but then TALK to her. Tell her exactly how you feel about her. How you were stupid to not trust her, to think she'd be that sort of person. Explain how you acted out of love and care, not out of spite or to harm her. Go to her house and apologise to her parents, explain the entire situation, not to get her forgiveness - but to apologise to the adults for your mistake.

The most important point here is don't have any expectations. She doesn't owe you anything, even if you break your back to make it up to her. Don't think 'if I do this it will fix it, make it even'. Only she can decide that. So do what you think is the right thing to do, with the assumption that your friendship is over regardless.

Good luck,

~ Clara

[jft96]

Well, she seems to be quite considering about your feelings, so that's a good thing. Just tell her everything, how you're afraid, how maybe you don't like how she smells like smoke etc. If she doesn't want to stop, you could maybe accompany her when she wants to try something again? Until the 'phase' is over, I guess. It's a difficult situation tbh.

I left her,she was talking all the time how she wants to get high,try ecstasy...I am tired of those things

[jft96]

That's the problem with people willing to take massive risks for cheap, quick thrills over long-term happiness. It's a pattern. Those willing to take a FWB aren't usually the type to give a damn about other stupid, irrational decisions. It all comes down to an abundance of impulsive decision making, fuelled by inhibition stripping substances.

What you are witnessing is a car crash in slow motion. You can either stay in the car, buckle up tight and try to scrape back together what you can from the wreckage... Or you can bail out and watch from a distance. Either way you cannot stop the crash, just whether you want to be involved in it to pick up the pieces (including perhaps of yourself).

She won't listen to your reason, because she feels you won't go anywhere. You will just be there to support her and give her sex (probably not the only one she'll be having sex with if FWB is her type).

Personally I've seen this happen and it's extremely difficult to 'give-up' on someone you care about. But they don't reciprocate that feeling or really care. To them they'd rather die at 27 in a drug-induced coma, than live a long fulfilling life. Maybe she has issues in her past, maybe that is just her mental disposition.

If you feel there is a reason behind it, such as potentially abuse as a child, then it may be salvageable. But that requires an admission that you took advantage of her when she was vulnerable.

Not a great situation to be in, but a part of me thinks 'you made the bed...'





For you chap, pick yourself up off the floor. Nothing is over, until it is. Helpful right?

Give it a couple of weeks, maybe longer, but then TALK to her. Tell her exactly how you feel about her. How you were stupid to not trust her, to think she'd be that sort of person. Explain how you acted out of love and care, not out of spite or to harm her. Go to her house and apologise to her parents, explain the entire situation, not to get her forgiveness - but to apologise to the adults for your mistake.

The most important point here is don't have any expectations. She doesn't owe you anything, even if you break your back to make it up to her. Don't think 'if I do this it will fix it, make it even'. Only she can decide that. So do what you think is the right thing to do, with the assumption that your friendship is over regardless.

Good luck,

~ Clara

Thank you a lot,great answer,so strong and poweful.
I think the problem is her company,she was a good,smart girl before those people.

[redrider12]

Yeah. Stupid people have a way of making great people into, well, stupid people. It's just something that happens. Like has been said, if you still trust her enough about these things, and you feel that she'll be rational and listen to you, sit down and tell her you don't think what she's doing is okay. Tell her about how you care for her and how you don't want her to get hooked on that stuff. If she's still rational enough to deserve your love, she'll wake up and try to stop. Or at least have a constructive discussion. If she's too far gone, leave her. You've done what you can - like Clara said, it's a car crash that's unfolding and you're sitting next to her (the driver). You can either get out of the car and just hope and pray for the best, or you can ride out the crash and stay with her. I have a feeling that what you feel isn't true love - love isn't that one-sided. If you were in love, she wouldn't be blowing you off for drugs and the "high life".
I'd be worried, and I see that you rightfully are. But clearly she doesn't see stuff with the same clarity as you do

[Uniquemind]

Yeah. Stupid people have a way of making great people into, well, stupid people. It's just something that happens. Like has been said, if you still trust her enough about these things, and you feel that she'll be rational and listen to you, sit down and tell her you don't think what she's doing is okay. Tell her about how you care for her and how you don't want her to get hooked on that stuff. If she's still rational enough to deserve your love, she'll wake up and try to stop. Or at least have a constructive discussion. If she's too far gone, leave her. You've done what you can - like Clara said, it's a car crash that's unfolding and you're sitting next to her (the driver). You can either get out of the car and just hope and pray for the best, or you can ride out the crash and stay with her. I have a feeling that what you feel isn't true love - love isn't that one-sided. If you were in love, she wouldn't be blowing you off for drugs and the "high life".
I'd be worried, and I see that you rightfully are. But clearly she doesn't see stuff with the same clarity as you do

When drugs enter the picture choice is not an equal force to addiction.

It's not the same as choosing what to wear or eat. It's a whole addictive energy in of itself and has a very strong gravitational pull. Less to do with the people and more to do with the psychological and physical chemical thrill.

You got your drug virgins, and well non-drug virgins.

[redrider12]

I'm not denying that. I've seen friends fall into the addiction. But it becomes a question of how far into it you are. However, it does sound like she's beyond your help, OP

[jft96]

She doesnt want to get addicted,she is doing that once in two months(like she said),but i care for her and im scared because she easily can addict.
Also,she told me yesterday that her parents are divorcing,so i get her,but she started to smoke before parents problems

[Uniquemind]

She doesnt want to get addicted,she is doing that once in two months(like she said),but i care for her and im scared because she easily can addict.
Also,she told me yesterday that her parents are divorcing,so i get her,but she started to smoke before parents problems

If they're divorcing it means drama was occurring before announcement of a divorce.

Also that's how addicts get started, then the frequency of use grows.

[SillyShyGuy]

If you are dating her then she is not a friend with benefits. I have the same morals as you and I would leave her as well. Not only do you not like those drugs, but you do not want to see the girl you love destroy herself. I say just walk away, she is not worth it if she is going to engage in such activities.

[jft96]

If you are dating her then she is not a friend with benefits. I have the same morals as you and I would leave her as well. Not only do you not like those drugs, but you do not want to see the girl you love destroy herself. I say just walk away, she is not worth it if she is going to engage in such activities.

We know,it sounds like we are together,but we are not lol
I cant leave her,I am 15 and i am so in love that i would do anything for her,ive been in love twice before,but this time,its special...i cant leave her,is it possible that she is my love of life,person who i want to spend my whole life with

May the force be with you :D

[jft96]

If they're divorcing it means drama was occurring before announcement of a divorce.

Also that's how addicts get started, then the frequency of use grows.

She tried cigarettes once and weed twice i think..and she said me that she wont smoke cigars because of me,i have to beilive her :what: