Offer your opinions: here's my situation/mindset

[outback4]

hi! thanks for reading.

I'm just gonna spell out how I feel and what I think of my sexual orientation. or atleast what I feel romantically and sexually about each gender. I would really appreciate it if some of you would help me maybe understand what I am or should be classified as. another thing really troubling me is the lifestyle I can live with my orientation. thanks in advance!

so, to spell it out.

I'm 15. and a guy. very comfortable with that 😉
I'm attracted sexually to other guys. I masturbate while thinking of guys. I find vaginas and boobs unappealing and someone repulsive (no offense)
I'm attracted romantically to other guys. I can see myself with another guy for the rest of my life. I can see myself happily being with another guy.
I'm attracted romantically to girls. I currently have a girlfriend who I idolize. she's absolutely amazing, and though I've had other "girlfriends" before this one is amazing, and I can see myself spending my life with her
However, while I know she's very pretty and I'm proud to date someone as beautiful as her,'I don't find her or any other girl, even ones that straight guys find amazingly hot, attractive sexually whatsoever.

so, that's my circumstances. I like guys sexually and romantically. I like girls romantically but can't ever see myself with them sexually

I know some guys go through phases like this during puberty. but ive been attracted to guys for several years (since I was really attracted to anyone) and have liked girls personalities like I do now forever. I've never found girls sexually attractive.

I have lots of friends. Even several best friends, most of whom are ok with "homosexuals," as gays are called in Mississippi where I live. I have a girl best friend. I go to hang out sometimes with a group of just girls and me.

I'm pretty good looking. not stunning. not extremely hot. but not ugly at all. I am generally considered nice looking :yummy:

I really want to have kids someday. seriously want to have kids. like that's my main goal in life. I'm good with adoption or kids of another race (like if I had kids with another guy via adoption). I don't think I would be able to have kids with a girl or ever even have sex with her. I wouldn't be aroused at all.

I've had some people tell me "before you started dating <girlfriend> I thought you must be gay."

Anyway, I kinda needed to get that all out. I'm pretty sure I am gay or some kind of bi with a preference for guys. I know my mom is ok with gays, she wouldn't mind at all. my dad would disown me. they caught me talking to this dude on Facebook once, and I denied being gay but I think they're suspicious. however, my dad is so bad about gays that he calls them queers and stuff. so I would have to wait to tell him for sure.

right now my plan is ride out this relationship with my girlfriend since we aren't doing sexual stuff yet anyway, and in the future determine when to come out, probably in college when I'm away from home and my dad.

please let me know what you think about my sexuality, my plan, and anything else. I would really appreciate your opinions. thank you! :)

[Abhorrence]

Biromantic homosexual would be the label if you wanted to use one. I don't know what to say about having a girlfriend and not having sex though. I'm literally the same as you, I find girls romantically attractive but not sexually attractive and guys both romantically and sexually attractive. However, when I've had girlfriends I've had sex with them. It just kind of comes in the moment. I don't know if you'd feel comfortable with that. Just a lot of people do think relationships require sex but if both you and your girlfriend are happy not having it then I think that would be an okay way to go. You don't need sex to have a healthy relationship.

[outback4]

Biromantic homosexual would be the label if you wanted to use one. I don't know what to say about having a girlfriend and not having sex though. I'm literally the same as you, I find girls romantically attractive but not sexually attractive and guys both romantically and sexually attractive. However, when I've had girlfriends I've had sex with them. It just kind of comes in the moment. I don't know if you'd feel comfortable with that. Just a lot of people do think relationships require sex but if both you and your girlfriend are happy not having it then I think that would be an okay way to go. You don't need sex to have a healthy relationship.

well right now we don't have it because we both think that we're too young to really do too much. I don't think I could even if she wanted to though.

in my mind she's the most wonderful person I've ever met. we're total opposites, which seems to work out great. we always have great conversations, we love to hang out and go places and do things, our families like each other. everything is perfect. except the sexual attraction part. if any girl wouldn't require it for a "healthy relationship" in their mind, it would be her. but I'm not sure. and I'm not sure how that would work out later as we would move toward something like marriage and children. though I do realize that someone from high school is highly likely not to be the person you're with forever, sadly.

[Magenta]

well right now we don't have it because we both think that we're too young to really do too much. I don't think I could even if she wanted to though.

in my mind she's the most wonderful person I've ever met. we're total opposites, which seems to work out great. we always have great conversations, we love to hang out and go places and do things, our families like each other. everything is perfect. except the sexual attraction part. if any girl wouldn't require it for a "healthy relationship" in their mind, it would be her. but I'm not sure. and I'm not sure how that would work out later as we would move toward something like marriage and children. though I do realize that someone from high school is highly likely not to be the person you're with forever, sadly.

Hey, you're being realistic but let's use her as a hypothetical high school sweethearts scenario:

If she really was the perfect girl for you, the only way you'd ever be able to figure this all out would be to talk to her. Communication is a lot more important than sex in a relationship. And the only way to find out is to bring it up. If it's not important now, don't worry about it but, down the road, you might have to have it.

That goes for any woman you are romantically interested. There are indeed people who are romantically attracted to both sexes, but not aroused by one. Just as there are asexuals (hello!) who find both sexes romantically attractive but not necessarily sexually. All of this is normal, you just have to talk to your significant other about it, whether it be her or someone else down the line.

[outback4]

Hey, you're being realistic but let's use her as a hypothetical high school sweethearts scenario:

If she really was the perfect girl for you, the only way you'd ever be able to figure this all out would be to talk to her. Communication is a lot more important than sex in a relationship. And the only way to find out is to bring it up. If it's not important now, don't worry about it but, down the road, you might have to have it.

That goes for any woman you are romantically interested. There are indeed people who are romantically attracted to both sexes, but not aroused by one. Just as there are asexuals (hello!) who find both sexes romantically attractive but not necessarily sexually. All of this is normal, you just have to talk to your significant other about it, whether it be her or someone else down the line.

it just seems like what normal girl attracted to only guys romantically and sexually is going to want a guy who only likes her romantically? even if she isn't the kind of girl that goes around having a bunch of sex or even trying to with someone she's with a while, eventually it seems to me she would make that something necessary. however, the stuff about communication seems right. so thank you!

[northy]

A relationship doesn't need to be sexual. Keep with it.
I would recommend not coming out to your parents(Dad), until you are independent of them just in case they do disown you. Be a bit more careful in the future if you are chatting to boys. Private tab, etc.
If your girlfriend truly loves you, she won't mind not having sex.

[Hermes]

...I find girls romantically attractive but not sexually attractive and guys both romantically and sexually attractive. However, when I've had girlfriends I've had sex with them. It just kind of comes in the moment....

I must admit I am intrigued by this. Are you perhaps saying that girls are not visually attractive to you but touch and maybe smell can still be a turn on?

well right now we don't have it because we both think that we're too young to really do too much. I don't think I could even if she wanted to though.

in my mind she's the most wonderful person I've ever met. we're total opposites, which seems to work out great. we always have great conversations, we love to hang out and go places and do things, our families like each other. everything is perfect. except the sexual attraction part. if any girl wouldn't require it for a "healthy relationship" in their mind, it would be her. but I'm not sure. and I'm not sure how that would work out later as we would move toward something like marriage and children. though I do realize that someone from high school is highly likely not to be the person you're with forever, sadly.

I think it would be a bit of co-incidence if she was happy with no sex. There will come a time, as you rightly predict, when having sex is the expected behaviour and, if your sexual attraction to her is still insufficient for sex to be an option you will need to come clean about that.

The other thing to consider is if a romantic relationship and no sex, i.e. presumably only masturbation for sexual relief, would be enough for you or whether you would be wishing you had a guy on the side.

[thatonekidjacob]

Is a label even needed?

[jkringle]

I don't think a label is needed. I think you are really mature for thinking through all that. While some people said you don't need sex to be in a happy relationship, there are relationships that break without it. Those people aren't necessarily shallow, people just have different needs.

I think you have a good plan and should stick with it. If things get serious and move in a direction you aren't comfortable with then, for her sake, you should consider breaking up.

[outback4]

Thanks everyone for your help. My plan as of now is to ride this out with her, and if it turns sexual or too serious I'll end it, for both of our sakes. I don't want her committing too much to this relationship or vice versa when I won't be able to give her what she needs. I think I see myself more with a boy than a girl in the future, and I'm proud of that. Again, thanks for your help. I really appreciate it