Can a relationship be an experiment?

[Alexwellace]

It sounds so utterly horrible. Cold and calculating, but it's exactly how I feel right now. I've never loved anyone and that is my problem, I'm not sure I'd recognise it if it happened. I've never met someone and just had a tingle, or a twitch or ANYTHING that indicates that I love someone more than as a friend. So now I'm doubting myself, maybe my heart doesn't skip a beat and my expectations are too high.

There is this girl, she is wonderful and interesting but I have no idea if I love her, or even if I *can* love her. But I'm taking her out on a date because I want to try make her love me and see if I reciprocate the feeling. I'm confident I can act love, I am a smooth AF when I want to be, but I'm worried morally is it not OK to involve someone else and their feelings in an experiment to help find myself?

I *know* I'm going into this with all of the wrong reasons in my head, it's selfish and cold but I seriously can't think of any other way to find for myself if Love is inherent or developed.

Please help

[Babs]

If you know you're doing something for the wrong reasons and that it will hurt someone else, then don't do it.

[RJH98]

I am involved with this girl right now and I feel the same way you do. I have really loved a gril before but fucked up at the time. I don't know what my feelings for this girl are and I'm very hesitant to ask her out again. In my opinion this stage of live we are in is all about experimenting and finding out who you are. that includes finding out what loving and being in love means to YOU.

I say go for it! try and look if it works out. you don't know unless you give it a go. Love is a shot in the dark anyway.

P.S I just decided to grow some balls so I am going to ask the girl I was talking about if she wants to come over for NYE tomorrow morning. I'll let you know how it went

P.P.S: Don't however lead her on if you feel what you are doing still isn't right.

[Vanilla Cupcake]

I think if you like her and you get along and like hanging out with her, then just date each other and see if you fall in love. I don't think people just love each other right away, I think you grow together, learn about each other and then when you feel like you can't stand being without each other and your heart aches to be with her or to talk to her, then that's real love!
I don't think you should try and make her love you because if it's fake, she will eventually know that you don't really love her back and then she will be hurt.

[SillyShyGuy]

Well it is a good idea only because you want to find out if spending time with her will help you discover if you like her or not. Dating is as you say an experiment, a test. Sometimes it is not easy to have your feelings requited. I hope you find a girl to like.

[Tesserax]

Don't act out love. Don't do it. Go on the date, try it, see how it goes, if it fails then just explain to her you don't feel the same way that she does, if she does like you/love you. Don't be afraid to break her heart, if she's reasonable she'll understand, if she's not she wasn't worth it

[Typhlosion]

Isn't that just dating? Noone really needs to love each other (and probably people say so don't either, try infatuated instead) so they can meet up. That's the point of it, to see how they are!


Right?

[ashdyn]

It sounds so utterly horrible. Cold and calculating, but it's exactly how I feel right now. I've never loved anyone and that is my problem, I'm not sure I'd recognise it if it happened. I've never met someone and just had a tingle, or a twitch or ANYTHING that indicates that I love someone more than as a friend. So now I'm doubting myself, maybe my heart doesn't skip a beat and my expectations are too high.

There is this girl, she is wonderful and interesting but I have no idea if I love her, or even if I *can* love her. But I'm taking her out on a date because I want to try make her love me and see if I reciprocate the feeling. I'm confident I can act love, I am a smooth AF when I want to be, but I'm worried morally is it not OK to involve someone else and their feelings in an experiment to help find myself?

I *know* I'm going into this with all of the wrong reasons in my head, it's selfish and cold but I seriously can't think of any other way to find for myself if Love is inherent or developed.

Please help

People don't just automatically fall in love. You're not going to love everyone you date. Honestly, most relationships are experiments until you find the one.

The only thing that would be wrong is if you try dating her for a while and you figure out its just not working for you and it's not going to...then continue to string her along. If you date and she falls for you but you can't reciprocate, then just break it off.

[Abhorrence]

As long as you don't lead her on into a relationship that you don't want. A simple date is going to harm anyone and you may realise that you have some chemistry. In the end, after a while you're going to have to evaluate if you like this person enough to want to be with them and if you don't then honesty is the best policy - always.

[outback4]

if you want to try a relationship to see how it effects you go ahead, but don't let it get to the point it's going to hurt the other person unless it's effecting you for the better

[Vanilla Cupcake]

It sounds so utterly horrible. Cold and calculating, but it's exactly how I feel right now. I've never loved anyone and that is my problem, I'm not sure I'd recognise it if it happened. I've never met someone and just had a tingle, or a twitch or ANYTHING that indicates that I love someone more than as a friend. So now I'm doubting myself, maybe my heart doesn't skip a beat and my expectations are too high.

There is this girl, she is wonderful and interesting but I have no idea if I love her, or even if I *can* love her. But I'm taking her out on a date because I want to try make her love me and see if I reciprocate the feeling. I'm confident I can act love, I am a smooth AF when I want to be, but I'm worried morally is it not OK to involve someone else and their feelings in an experiment to help find myself?

I *know* I'm going into this with all of the wrong reasons in my head, it's selfish and cold but I seriously can't think of any other way to find for myself if Love is inherent or developed.

Please help

I hope you didn't do this. You just never know what kind of girl your dealing with and how it might affect her. Some girls can handle it and others can't.
I'm going to be blunt and honest here and I don't care if anyone judges me.
If that happened to me and I found out it was a joke, I would be so upset that I would kill myself.
Could you live with that?

[AutumnWinds]

o you LIKE her?

It sounds so utterly horrible. Cold and calculating, but it's exactly how I feel right now. I've never loved anyone and that is my problem, I'm not sure I'd recognise it if it happened. I've never met someone and just had a tingle, or a twitch or ANYTHING that indicates that I love someone more than as a friend. So now I'm doubting myself, maybe my heart doesn't skip a beat and my expectations are too high.

There is this girl, she is wonderful and interesting but I have no idea if I love her, or even if I *can* love her. But I'm taking her out on a date because I want to try make her love me and see if I reciprocate the feeling. I'm confident I can act love, I am a smooth AF when I want to be, but I'm worried morally is it not OK to involve someone else and their feelings in an experiment to help find myself?

I *know* I'm going into this with all of the wrong reasons in my head, it's selfish and cold but I seriously can't think of any other way to find for myself if Love is inherent or developed.

Please help

[Uniquemind]

All relationships are hopefully soul-searching experiments, but where the line should be drawn is when you found your answer for yourself, and then continue to string the other person along when you know you don't love them or the attraction died.

Relationships and attraction don't have to be brand-spanking new all the time, the honeymoon phase of utter glee with each other can fade over time, but do not mistake that loss of glow in the relationship as a loss of love for them.

Even marriages, albeit a go at a monogamous relationship til death, are experiments to a degree, I thought that was obvious with divorce statistics ranging from 48%-50%.

Let me also add that taking someone out on 1 date, does not equate to mean you are boyfriend and girlfriend now.

You're in the dating stage, to learn about the other person to even see if you find them interesting romantically and sexually. Even then in your context of what you're looking for do NOT have sex of any kind. That will complicate matters and if you end up not choosing her to go further, she will feel used and will consider herself a woman scorned.

I know I would feel scorned if I were on the receiving end.

[amgb]

I agree with this alot;

All relationships are hopefully soul-searching experiments, but where the line should be drawn is when you found your answer for yourself, and then continue to string the other person along when you know you don't love them or the attraction died.

To OP: I've felt a similar way in the past, so I can relate to being unsure of whether it's love or something else. There will be a day you can be sure of yourself. There will be doubts and sometimes even denials, however there will most likely be that special person who makes you feel something you've never felt before. There is something you can't do - and that's making someone fall in love with you. You can do things to please others, and present yourself in an appealing or attractive way. But you can't make someone reciprocate your love, it's not something in your control. What you can control is your own words and actions, but even then it's not guaranteed that nobody's gonna get hurt. I'd advise for you not to act out love when you're around this girl, or any girl for that matter. Let things unfold and don't be afraid to be yourself. If you're not comfortable doing something and if it feels really wrong inside, don't do it. I don't think you're selfish at all, you're just trying to figure some confusing things out in your head and that's okay. Love isn't easy or smooth, it's quite complicated. I hope things have been going well with her lately~~

[Awakened Sin]

Nothing wrong with experimentation. We need to. I think it's fine you're doing this. It seems you're interested in her. So that's totally fine. Just don't do thing you'll regret such as telling her that you love her when you don't mean it. Don't force the feelings.