I want to be gay but then I don't

[Adriangay12]

Hi Im Adrian gay and 15 I want you to read this and decide what's the best option's I have:yes:

I Have the same exact problem I want to be gay but then I don't, I want people to see mae as the real me not the fake me my old friends started calling me faggot weirdo asshole but its cause of my voice i have a really gay voice but I don't act gay when puberty hit for me when I was like 12 I started to notice a change. Like I really didn't want a girlfriend but It keeps haunting me that everyone treats me like crap from my voice but is it ok to put up with this shit I really have never ever let my guard down I am very smart in school but can I really accecpt that I will continue to loose my friends over my voice. I really don't want to fail in my next three years of high school and start loosing my self esteem and my confidence. Please if u figure out a way to get through this I will thank you for the rest of my life :what:

[Uniquemind]

The only reason you should identify as gay is if you have innate physical attraction to the same sex.

Behavior and voice pitch are not the be-all end all definition of what makes someone homosexual or not.

You have asshole friends who are homophobic.

[Exotic Babe]

I don't think it works like that - being able to choose what your orientation is. You could force down your feelings and act all straight, but that probably wouldn't be the best option, because your "friends" would probably expect you to date girls and stuff, which, I guess, wouldn't be so nice for a gay person. If your school is full of homophobic jerks, you could just not mention your orientation and keep it to yourself. You don't have to label yourself or tell everybody just yet. You probably won't become the "popular guy" of the school this way, but I'd imagine this the best way to handle things.

As for your voice, there's not much you can do, I believe. Not sure if you've already had your voice break, if not, you should just wait for that. But people have different voices and people who repeatedly make fun of something you can't change are assholes and you should highly question if they actually are worth calling friends.

[Adriangay12]

oh ok

[Hudor]

Do you identify as gay because you are attracted to guys or because you are being told so by your friends?

[Adriangay12]

So I should deal with the fact that there always going to be people who despise gays or bi and that I should really think to myself would a real friend say or do that is that what I understand

[Adriangay12]

I am gay

[Hudor]

So I should deal with the fact that there always going to be people who despise gays or bi and that I should really think to myself would a real friend say or do that is that what I understand.
I am gay

Okay. Yes i think you've got the basic point: there are always going to be people hating you for something or the other and they can never be your real friends so it's worthless worrying yourself too much because of them.

[Abhorrence]

Relationships & Dating :arrow: Teen Sexuality & Gender.
This feels better suited here.

[Hermes]

It seem to me there are two different issues here:

1. Who you are attracted to
2. Having a "camp" voice.

Dealing with attraction first this is the one where you don't have a choice - you can't choose to be attracted to people you are not, or not to be attracted to people you are. Many people have a degree of attraction to both sexes, though for many of those the attraction to one sex is much greater than to the other. The question you need to ask yourself here is given the relative strength of your attractions which sex would a potential partner be?

Earlier in the thread you said you are gay. Hopefully this is based on attraction, i.e. you have a strong attraction to other guys and little or none to girls such that you can only ever see yourself carrying on a relationship with another guy.

Where you do have a choice is how open you are about being gay. You can choose to proclaim it for all to hear, you can confide in a few trusted friends, you can honestly answer anyone who asks but otherwise not mention it or you can hide behind a facade. This is where a "camp" voice comes in. By a "camp" voice I mean a way of speaking that is stereotypically gay and is a very different thing from having a voice that has not fully changed. Here in the UK Graham Norton and Alan Carr come to mind (you can find them on YouTube) as examples of this. Adopting that voice is the "shouting it for all to hear" option but it is completely optional. While you can't change some aspects of your voice because they are to do with the fixed resonators in your head (sinuses etc.) vowel pitch and vocal mannerisms are very controllable. It's the same with gait and other physical mannerisms - if you mince into a room you choose to do that, even if the choice us subconscious.

One would hope, these days, that staying "in the closet" and keeping up a facade should not be necessary but I don't know the people where you live. Keeping up a facade takes effort and you may decide it is less stressful to be honest, deal with any initial negative reaction, and then go about your life.

[Straya]

So I should deal with the fact that there always going to be people who despise gays or bi and that I should really think to myself would a real friend say or do that is that what I understand

that is it exactly iv had to say good bye to friends who didnt like me for been gay but then my true friends did not care at all when i told them

[thatonekidjacob]

Hi Im Adrian gay and 15 I want you to read this and decide what's the best option's I have:yes:

I Have the same exact problem I want to be gay but then I don't, I want people to see mae as the real me not the fake me my old friends started calling me faggot weirdo asshole but its cause of my voice i have a really gay voice but I don't act gay when puberty hit for me when I was like 12 I started to notice a change. Like I really didn't want a girlfriend but It keeps haunting me that everyone treats me like crap from my voice but is it ok to put up with this shit I really have never ever let my guard down I am very smart in school but can I really accecpt that I will continue to loose my friends over my voice. I really don't want to fail in my next three years of high school and start loosing my self esteem and my confidence. Please if u figure out a way to get through this I will thank you for the rest of my life :what:

Adrian, one of my friends is totes straight but everyone thinks gay because of how he talks. I don't "sound gay" at all, but I am. Everyone is taught the wrong things.