Justarandomperson
February 9th, 2014, 04:16 AM
Hey, so i've never posted on here before but this website has helped me alot as i've read alot of stuff on here.. I thought i'd post my story, and for any of those who might actually read it, might be able to tell me what to do.. Because at this point i just have no clue.
It all started about... 14 yrs ago! Lil baby me was born. But to me i wish i could go back and change that. During the younger grades of school i didn't have to much trouble... I was bullied a bit and i never felt like i fit in, i started acting like all the other boys in my classes but that didn't help. As the years progressed and puberty hit the feelings rapidly grew, i was unhappy with myself and the body i was in. It wasn't because i thought i was fat or ugly, too short or stupid. It was because, as i have now realised, i have gender dysphoria. This means, although i have the body of a boy i think and want (very much so) to be a girl. I realised this at about 10 or 11... It is when i started having dreams, in the dreams i would be a girl... I still have those dreams and they are both the best and worst dreams i have ever had. Worst.. Because i have to wake up. This post is getting very long so i will try to cut to the chase! Recently i was able to talk to my mother about these feelings, they have gotten much worse and caused social anxieties aswell as depression and cutting every so often. I was able to visit a counsellor, and we are slowly sorting these things out, but i just want to die. I don't know what else to do, in my mind once it is all over i will be happy. I'm trying to keep myself from the suicidal thoughts but they always keep coming back. I've started making plans again about when, how and where im going to end it.
Does anyone have any advice? Maybe atleast this'll help someone else not feel so bad, lessen' the load and stuff. Anyway thank you for reading.
It all started about... 14 yrs ago! Lil baby me was born. But to me i wish i could go back and change that. During the younger grades of school i didn't have to much trouble... I was bullied a bit and i never felt like i fit in, i started acting like all the other boys in my classes but that didn't help. As the years progressed and puberty hit the feelings rapidly grew, i was unhappy with myself and the body i was in. It wasn't because i thought i was fat or ugly, too short or stupid. It was because, as i have now realised, i have gender dysphoria. This means, although i have the body of a boy i think and want (very much so) to be a girl. I realised this at about 10 or 11... It is when i started having dreams, in the dreams i would be a girl... I still have those dreams and they are both the best and worst dreams i have ever had. Worst.. Because i have to wake up. This post is getting very long so i will try to cut to the chase! Recently i was able to talk to my mother about these feelings, they have gotten much worse and caused social anxieties aswell as depression and cutting every so often. I was able to visit a counsellor, and we are slowly sorting these things out, but i just want to die. I don't know what else to do, in my mind once it is all over i will be happy. I'm trying to keep myself from the suicidal thoughts but they always keep coming back. I've started making plans again about when, how and where im going to end it.
Does anyone have any advice? Maybe atleast this'll help someone else not feel so bad, lessen' the load and stuff. Anyway thank you for reading.