Paranoid and not sure how to feel

[Babs]

I'm very on edge lately. I guess I go through phases of extreme and then latent paranoia.

I'm extremely concerned with the possibility of people reading my mind. I got so fucking concerned that I started writing notes and fleshing out the situation to try to prove it, which I later burned because I was afraid someone would see it. And I've gone through a scheme or two to try to get them to admit it.

I fantasize about confronting people about it, and I told myself that once I find proof I would kill myself because I don't want to live in a world where not even my own head is truly my own. But I had to find proof first so that everyone will know that I know; they couldn't just brush it off

This seems very real to me, but I don't know what to believe anymore. And I'm genuinely scared about it.

I asked around on various websites and multiple people have suggested psychosis, and I don't want to jump to conclusions but after being told that I don't know what to believe. Because if I am having delusions, I wouldn't realize it, I would believe what I do the way I do. But if I'm not, then that's bad for me.

I've thought this way for years and have barely disputed it. But I'm so conflicted now and it's driving me crazy. Some people have presented me with conflicting evidence but it seems so real. Like, when I think about something, someone will start talking about it, and they'll look at me like they just know.

I just don't know what to think anymore and I would appreciate whatever advice anyone has for me.

edit: I realize the people who have suggested psychosis aren't doctors, just regular guys like me who are merely alerting me of a possibility. But it's nonetheless worrying

edit ii: my brother just texted me, "I just want you to know I'm scared." Right after I write this post about how scared I am. This is exactly what I'm talking about.

[Aziz]

I went to a phase like that once before and it freaked me out. Thinking about it not sure how i dealt with it. It just occurred to me that sometimes my brain go through unspeakable things and if people knew that they would probably stop their kids from seeing me or avoid me.

So from that i was kinda sure no one could actually read my thoughts

[Angelssmile]

1) Worst case scenario: it is psychosis and you don't confront it. Don't let it get to this dear.

2)Better - it is psychosis, and you visit a psychiatrist and get treated. EARLY treatment really improves the condition, and yes I am a doctor so I know.

3)Best - it isn't psychosis. And you visit a shrink and rule that out. Think how wonderful and relieved you would feel! In this case, just know that, yes it sucks that in our world of google earth and web tracking and psychics and all, there isn't much privacy... but then what's the worst that can happen? How can people harm you? What's yours can never be taken away from you.

Let your faith be greater than your fear.