FWB zoned or what?

[Cadanance00]

My gf wants to see the guy she lost her virginity with when he comes home from college for the holidays. See like have sex. She says maybe we could be FWBs for a while and go back to being exclusive when he's gone. WTF?

Should I just ride it out or get all bent out of shape that she wants to essentially cheat? Don't know what to think right now.

[Hudor]

She's literally telling you, she's going to cheat on you. If you're not okay with FWBs, I'd consider you draw a line there. She could either have him or you.

[Uniquemind]

Also ask her what is lacking in sex between you two, that he hypothetically provides and see if you can't work on that.


Yeah that's unacceptable, if you guys agreed on a exclusive relationship at the beginning.

[ashdyn]

You've hooked a keeper lol if you're okay with it you can take advantage of the open relationship too ����

[Cadanance00]

Also ask her what is lacking in sex between you two, that he hypothetically provides and see if you can't work on that.


Yeah that's unacceptable, if you guys agreed on a exclusive relationship at the beginning.

We never talked about exclusivity, that's the thing. So it took me by surprise. I never met him tho she talked about him a lot.

She says sex with us is the only time she's enjoyed it. She only had sex with him once even tho they dated for like 2 years. She said she wasn't ready and it was painful so I guess that's why she didn't go it again with him.
ashdyn: You think so? He's 20 so sometimes I think she's just playing around with me.

[ashdyn]

Well how old is she?

Idk how serious you guys' relationship is but if y'all haven't even talked about exclusivity then what's the big deal? Unless you really want to stamp that exclusive title on it right now...why not let her find out what she really wants and you can do the same. I mean if she finds out now that she wants to be with someone else, whether that's him or someone completely different, better to find out now than suffer the heartbreak later.

I'm weird about situations like this though lol

[jonnybgud]

Ride it out - let her get him and his lousy sex out of her system. You'll have all winter and spring to build something better. Or you could just stick with the benefits part long-term if that works for you.

[Uniquemind]

We never talked about exclusivity, that's the thing. So it took me by surprise. I never met him tho she talked about him a lot.

She says sex with us is the only time she's enjoyed it. She only had sex with him once even tho they dated for like 2 years. She said she wasn't ready and it was painful so I guess that's why she didn't go it again with him.
ashdyn: You think so? He's 20 so sometimes I think she's just playing around with me.

Okay, well see that's why I always advise setting the ground rules and individual limits when the relationship starts, (because of these situations).

In this case appreciate her honesty, and actually if I were you I'd play it cool, and ask to meet the guy and see his health test record regarding STD's before you let him touch her.

He did come back from college afterall, there's a reason some campuses have reputations as STD schools.



Also I do have a 6th sense that maybe the quality of sex with the other guy wasn't so bad as she's letting on.

I know I haven't made a return trip to anywhere I didn't have a good time, and that goes for sex and for actual trip destinations.

[ultramagnum11]

That's BS. Just get it in one last time and dump that ho. Plenty of girls out there, I'm sure you'll find much better

[Cadanance00]

That's BS. Just get it in one last time and dump that ho. Plenty of girls out there, I'm sure you'll find much better

Not exactly the case. I've known her most of my life since her mom and mine are friends, and actually my dad dated her mother in HS. Yeh, maybe there's better, but this is who I've got for the time being.

[Cadanance00]

Okay, well see that's why I always advise setting the ground rules and individual limits when the relationship starts, (because of these situations).

In this case appreciate her honesty, and actually if I were you I'd play it cool, and ask to meet the guy and see his health test record regarding STD's before you let him touch her.

He did come back from college afterall, there's a reason some campuses have reputations as STD schools.



Also I do have a 6th sense that maybe the quality of sex with the other guy wasn't so bad as she's letting on.


I know I haven't made a return trip to anywhere I didn't have a good time, and that goes for sex and for actual trip destinations.

There weren't really any ground rules. We sort of let things progress of their own accord. She never really said we were going to be an inseparable pair, just that she loves me. I don't really know what her feelings are for him. And I don't really want to meet him. Let me put that another way, I really don't want to meet him.

I rather think since we've sucessfully had sex several times she knows how to make it work. She said she was drunk at a party the first time and doesn't remember much about him taking her home, just that it hurt and she didn't like it. You know, I think I'm jealous.

[ashdyn]

There weren't really any ground rules. We sort of let things progress of their own accord. She never really said we were going to be an inseparable pair, just that she loves me. I don't really know what her feelings are for him. And I don't really want to meet him. Let me put that another way, I really don't want to meet him.

I rather think since we've sucessfully had sex several times she knows how to make it work. She said she was drunk at a party the first time and doesn't remember much about him taking her home, just that it hurt and she didn't like it. You know, I think I'm jealous.

No reason to be jealous lol you're not in a "committed/exclusive" relationship and it's not like she's gunna stop having sex with you. Just let it play out bro. If y'all can make it work that'll be awesome if not ehh on to the next one. Plus if it works out in your favor it'll pretty much solidify your position as the best partner. She'd have been able to try something out and been 100% sure you're the direction she wants to go in.

Uniquemind -meeting the dude would be pretty awkward by itself...asking for his STD test would be ridiculous lol most people have been with multiple partners and never get tested and if they did who'd carry that shit around in their wallet lmao my 6th sense it telling me that while the sex might not have been great he might have some pretty nice equipment

[Uniquemind]

No reason to be jealous lol you're not in a "committed/exclusive" relationship and it's not like she's gunna stop having sex with you. Just let it play out bro. If y'all can make it work that'll be awesome if not ehh on to the next one. Plus if it works out in your favor it'll pretty much solidify your position as the best partner. She'd have been able to try something out and been 100% sure you're the direction she wants to go in.

Uniquemind -meeting the dude would be pretty awkward by itself...asking for his STD test would be ridiculous lol most people have been with multiple partners and never get tested and if they did who'd carry that shit around in their wallet lmao my 6th sense it telling me that while the sex might not have been great he might have some pretty nice equipment

It's totally okay, and realistic to have feelings of jealousy though. You can't let it consume you, but if the OP is uncomfortable there is no politically correct rule that says he has to not feel jealousy.

He should be honest, but also practical between what he can control and what he can't.

Also isn't that the problem in society, that people don't ask for other's STD tests before jumping into bed with them? The world is trending to more and more incurable STD's because they're now death sentences (or at least infertility for life) again due to antibiotic resistance.

I think it's wise and proper to ask again for this information.

But then again I'm different and unique and therefore I have quirky standards and tastes. One of those standards is real time, medical knowledge of my partner, and if I can't have that then it's a deal breaker, especially during the non-exclusive stage of a relationship where trust isn't established yet.

My catchphrase is: you want the promiscuity of a pornstar, you get tested like a pornstar. (@Cadanance00 don't repeat that line verbatim, most can't pull it off without sounding accusatory or personal attackish, and once that line drops you'll find yourself in a relationship fight)


There weren't really any ground rules. We sort of let things progress of their own accord. She never really said we were going to be an inseparable pair, just that she loves me. I don't really know what her feelings are for him. And I don't really want to meet him. Let me put that another way, I really don't want to meet him.

I rather think since we've sucessfully had sex several times she knows how to make it work. She said she was drunk at a party the first time and doesn't remember much about him taking her home, just that it hurt and she didn't like it. You know, I think I'm jealous.

I can see you're jealous of the competition, and maybe even a little afraid of losing her, but you're not dealing with it by not asking and having a conversation about the issue with your girlfriend.

My advice isn't always what you want to hear but at least it's honest and fair, and pragmatic with encompassing multiple points of view.

I suggest circumstances have and are going to cause you to have that conversation with your girlfriend now. Sooner rather than later before she decides to act on her own. However I do warn being accusatory with her, just probe her mind a bit about where this is coming from and if she knows why she even wants to in the first place do this.


It's okay to ask questions like

"sex and emotions are often closely tied together, what happens to us if say feelings develop between you and him?"

"what if you discover he can perform better sexual experiences than I have been able to give you? Say I consent to this and you come back, could you're mind or soul ever focus on what I am doing with you at moment of intimacy versus thoughts about him?"


These are questions I'm sure you've already asked yourself, but you are afraid to ask her for fear of the answer. Hearing the answer doesn't make your situation any less real from occurring. Just ask, because in the end she's gonna do what she wants or feels urged to do. She has every right to act on her free will too.

[LanaPole]

perhaps an open relationship could be an option?

[ImCoolBeans]

If you're uncomfortable with it then let her know. I personally would not be fond of that situation, but to each his own. You don't know how many people this guy is sleeping with at college, if he has and sexually transmitted diseases/infections, or if this could open a can of worms in your relationship. From my relationship/dating experience, I would say that somebody who says "hey I want to have sex with this person one last time, but after that maybe we can be exclusive" isn't somebody you should put a lot of faith in.

[Cadanance00]

I can see you're jealous of the competition, and maybe even a little afraid of losing her, but you're not dealing with it by not asking and having a conversation about the issue with your girlfriend.

My advice isn't always what you want to hear but at least it's honest and fair, and pragmatic with encompassing multiple points of view.

I suggest circumstances have and are going to cause you to have that conversation with your girlfriend now. Sooner rather than later before she decides to act on her own. However I do warn being accusatory with her, just probe her mind a bit about where this is coming from and if she knows why she even wants to in the first place do this.

It's okay to ask questions like

"sex and emotions are often closely tied together, what happens to us if say feelings develop between you and him?"

"what if you discover he can perform better sexual experiences than I have been able to give you? Say I consent to this and you come back, could you're mind or soul ever focus on what I am doing with you at moment of intimacy versus thoughts about him?"

These are questions I'm sure you've already asked yourself, but you are afraid to ask her for fear of the answer. Hearing the answer doesn't make your situation any less real from occurring. Just ask, because in the end she's gonna do what she wants or feels urged to do. She has every right to act on her free will too.

Yes, I'm jealous of the competition. He's 20 and in college and I'm a 9th grade HS student. He's been around and I can count on one hand the times I've had sex with one girl (her). So yes, I'm insecure about it. I don't think it's about losing her, there's not a LDR thing going on with him. It's just like.......it's not about what to do, it's about how I feel and it poisoning our relationship.

Yeah, I'd love to have that totally honest convo I have in my imagination. Even if I would, she wouldn't. She's shy and embarrassed to talk about sex, feelings and it seems anything else with strong feelings attached. And of course we pretend that we are totally honest with each other.

You seem like you have a totally level head & thanks for answering me.

[ashdyn]

Yes, I'm jealous of the competition. He's 20 and in college and I'm a 9th grade HS student. He's been around and I can count on one hand the times I've had sex with one girl (her). So yes, I'm insecure about it. I don't think it's about losing her, there's not a LDR thing going on with him. It's just like.......it's not about what to do, it's about how I feel and it poisoning our relationship.

Yeah, I'd love to have that totally honest convo I have in my imagination. Even if I would, she wouldn't. She's shy and embarrassed to talk about sex, feelings and it seems anything else with strong feelings attached. And of course we pretend that we are totally honest with each other.

You seem like you have a totally level head & thanks for answering me.

You can't assume just because he's in college he's automatically this iron chef of pounding vag. I know tons of guys in college that barely hook up or don't casually hook up at all. Be confident in your abilities...she did already tell you that you were better in comparison.

She obviously can't be that shy when it comes to talking about sex if she was able to ask you if it was okay to fuck her ex lol everyone is awkward and embarrassed to talk about feelings but once you start that conversation it actually becomes easier and it'll be healthier for the relationship in the long run. It seems like you've already decided to let her do what she wants and I applaud the shit out of you dude cause that takes some major balls. But if she's going to do it and you're gunna let her, you might as well take care of half of the awkward conversation you're bound to have after he's gone before he even gets there. Let her know how you feel but let her know that you're not trying to guilt her out of it or anything, you're just putting it out there. Also, don't be scared to talk about your insecurities with her. Is she older than you?

[Cadanance00]

Good point.

[AutumnWinds]

My gf wants to see the guy she lost her virginity with when he comes home from college for the holidays. See like have sex. She says maybe we could be FWBs for a while and go back to being exclusive when he's gone. WTF?

Should I just ride it out or get all bent out of shape that she wants to essentially cheat? Don't know what to think right now.

that's seriously messed up. i don't know you, but i honestly think you can do better. the fact that she is asking that shows she has next to no respect for you, your feelings, or her relationship with you. do you really want to be with a person who is going to suggest you go to being fwb' whenever she is feeling the need to fuck someone else?

i'm not even complaining about open relationships, i'm complaining about selfish bitches who feel like they can find loopholes to cheat on people who care abut them without suffering the repercussions.

[Cadanance00]

that's seriously messed up. i don't know you, but i honestly think you can do better. the fact that she is asking that shows she has next to no respect for you, your feelings, or her relationship with you. do you really want to be with a person who is going to suggest you go to being fwb' whenever she is feeling the need to fuck someone else?

i'm not even complaining about open relationships, i'm complaining about selfish bitches who feel like they can find loopholes to cheat on people who care abut them without suffering the repercussions.

Yeah. It is messed up. One the one hand I feel like second place and on the other hand, I've known her most of my life and I like her. She did ask me, but I figure if she asked me then it's not worth it to say no, she can't.

IDK, if I had all the answers, I wouldn't be here, would I? I'm not madly in love with her but we're close and it's good being with her and we've been thru a lot. I just feel let down.

[Dat Derpy Horse]

She wants to have sex with another guy while he is here then go back to you being in a relationship because she knows if she dumped you for him and then he goes back to college she will have no-one. SHE IS PLAYING YOU

[Uniquemind]

Yeah. It is messed up. One the one hand I feel like second place and on the other hand, I've known her most of my life and I like her. She did ask me, but I figure if she asked me then it's not worth it to say no, she can't.

IDK, if I had all the answers, I wouldn't be here, would I? I'm not madly in love with her but we're close and it's good being with her and we've been thru a lot. I just feel let down.

Then that's what you should tell her. Friendship has no bearing on this, this is relationship boundary territory, realistically you can't stop her, but it's perfectly okay to say, no I can't endorse that.

[AutumnWinds]

i don't blame you one bet. i'd feel the same way, and frankly, she did let you down. i just think that you shouldn't excuse that kind of behavior...then you're letting yourself down as well. you know what i mean?

You can't assume just because he's in college he's automatically this iron chef of pounding vag. I know tons of guys in college that barely hook up or don't casually hook up at all. Be confident in your abilities...she did already tell you that you were better in comparison.

She obviously can't be that shy when it comes to talking about sex if she was able to ask you if it was okay to fuck her ex lol everyone is awkward and embarrassed to talk about feelings but once you start that conversation it actually becomes easier and it'll be healthier for the relationship in the long run. It seems like you've already decided to let her do what she wants and I applaud the shit out of you dude cause that takes some major balls. But if she's going to do it and you're gunna let her, you might as well take care of half of the awkward conversation you're bound to have after he's gone before he even gets there. Let her know how you feel but let her know that you're not trying to guilt her out of it or anything, you're just putting it out there. Also, don't be scared to talk about your insecurities with her. Is she older than you?

Yeah. It is messed up. One the one hand I feel like second place and on the other hand, I've known her most of my life and I like her. She did ask me, but I figure if she asked me then it's not worth it to say no, she can't.

IDK, if I had all the answers, I wouldn't be here, would I? I'm not madly in love with her but we're close and it's good being with her and we've been thru a lot. I just feel let down.