Do you think age matters?

[yeehaw]

So, I've just started going out with a guy recently. This is knew to me, because I'm borderline asexual but he respects it and that's all cool too. Only problem with it is age. I'm turning 15 in the next month or so, and he's recently turned 19. Would you say it is a bad thing or not? We haven't had sex or anything like that (obviously) and he lives about an hour away. We've met up once and nothing's progressed in the way of kissing or anything like that because he knows I'm very very shy and an anxious person, we just hugged. What do you guys think?

[Uniquemind]

It matters, but I'm in the camp of belief that chemistry and the synchronicity of souls matters more.

Where you are, where your going or want to go in life has to match or compliment the partner(s) for a relationship to thrive.

Age happens to matter as a consequence of the above not happening.

[Vanilla Cupcake]

I think if you feel comfortable with him and you really like him, why not go for it!
I think older guys are much more appealing and they might even cherish us more then a boy our age.

[Uniquemind]

I think if you feel comfortable with him and you really like him, why not go for it!
I think older guys are much more appealing and they might even cherish us more then a boy our age.

It's not an older or younger thing necessarily being directly related to being cherished, olders can just as easily manipulate and abuse you.

A fact your forgetting is that adults are older, and there is no shortage of adult to adult abusive relationships.

It all has to do with the quality of the person and what I said, the synchronicity of souls (chemistry, life interests and goals etc.)

[Vanilla Cupcake]

It's not an older or younger thing necessarily being directly related to being cherished, olders can just as easily manipulate and abuse you.

A fact your forgetting is that adults are older, and there is no shortage of adult to adult abusive relationships.

It all has to do with the quality of the person and what I said, the synchronicity of souls (chemistry, life interests and goals etc.)

I know adults can manipulate and abuse, I meant if you both loved each other, I bet an older guy would be more into you than a younger guy.
Younger guys are horny and just want sex and they just want to have as many girls as they can and they are more likey cheat. They also probably just think of us as just another girl, where as an older guy might think, hey, I'm so lucky to have this younger girl.

[Melodic]

4 years wouldn't matter too much if you're an adult. Hell, I've seen relationships that had a 10-15 year age gap before. I think as teenagers/young adults, it's complicated to have a successful relationship period. Much less one that has a 4 year age gap. When we become teenagers, we start to mature. Some at different paces than others. However, It's typically hard for a college aged person to be with a high school aged person because they are both at different places mentally. There are probably some relationships that do last regardless of this. But, they are statistically rare.

[Uniquemind]

I know adults can manipulate and abuse, I meant if you both loved each other, I bet an older guy would be more into you than a younger guy.
Younger guys are horny and just want sex and they just want to have as many girls as they can and they are more likey cheat. They also probably just think of us as just another girl, where as an older guy might think, hey, I'm so lucky to have this younger girl.

Pffff, if by "older guys" you mean age 26 and up.

From what I've heard there are still a lot of guys age 18-25, who still suck and are still "players", and also if they date younger it's not only illegal, but the guys are tied down from going to clubs and stuff, where they might cheat.

As the saying goes everyone always thinks someone else in another situation has it better.

---
Now speaking from experience, if you want to date older you have to be confident in yourself and keep expectations super low key on how often you guys actually meet up.

1. There's no constant sex, dates, or chats.

2. You're going to have to understand and empathize with issues going on in their life you haven't personally encountered yet because you aren't there yet you'll still be expected to weigh into their problems fairly.

3. It's gonna mean you won't be able to date someone else without cheating and that applies to them too in a vice-versa scenario. (Unless you both agree to an open relationship). Even if both of you agree to that, the 3rd party has to be okay with you being taken as well, and if age gap is there, 3rd party can screw both of you legally out of a spiteful scorned heart.

[yeehaw]

I pretty much hate every guy my age recently. This guy's responsible but he left school right after Year 11 and didn't do any further education. He did a job for a while, but not anymore.

Now I'm paranoid, jeez >////<

[Uniquemind]

I pretty much hate every guy my age recently. This guy's responsible but he left school right after Year 11 and didn't do any further education. He did a job for a while, but not anymore.

Now I'm paranoid, jeez >////<

I reserve judgement based on the observation that he left school. There are a lot of explanations besides dropping-out laziness. Could be any number of tragic but valid excuses AND I know a significant amount of people who stopped going to public school and either continued on privately, or were secretly above average intellect and did well professionally.

[AutumnWinds]

I pretty much hate every guy my age recently. This guy's responsible but he left school right after Year 11 and didn't do any further education. He did a job for a while, but not anymore.

Now I'm paranoid, jeez >////<

why not take it slow and give him the chance to confirm or dispel all of your concerns?

[Youcantsitwithus]

It does matter... but there are other things that are more important. The way he treats you and the way he feels about you is way more important. And if you feel safe. If ever that changes get out of there. The thing is age doesn't necessarily predict the way someone will treat you. And when you're older, a 4 year age difference is nothing :)

[yeehaw]

why not take it slow and give him the chance to confirm or dispel all of your concerns?

Thanks, I'll try my best to just take it slowly and be calm about it, no guarantees though haha

[AutumnWinds]

Thanks, I'll try my best to just take it slowly and be calm about it, no guarantees though haha

all any of us can do is try our best. i'm proud of you for being brave and trying this. :)

[yeehaw]

^ Yeah, I can't bring myself to tell my parents. I've told about 2 of my friends, and you guys on here. My dad would kill me if I'm in a relationship anyway, and I'm just too anxious just to bring it up to any of the female members of my family. Thanks for encouraging me (:

[Coolasheck]

While I don't think age matters if you're in your mid-20s and beyond, I think if you are a minor it's not ok because it easily allows an abusive relationship. Even if you think it isn't, there are aspects that are.

[yeehaw]

While I don't think age matters if you're in your mid-20s and beyond, I think if you are a minor it's not ok because it easily allows an abusive relationship. Even if you think it isn't, there are aspects that are.

What do you mean by "aspects"? I wanna know what you mean, or it'll bug me like hell.

[CosmicNoodle]

Stay away from this guy. I'm his age, I understand his age, stay away from him. For a 19 year old to go out with a 14 year old he has to be into "the younger" variety.

[yeehaw]

^ This is gonna sound bitchy, but can you elaborate further please?

[Babs]

When you're an adult, no. But at your age, it's vaguely pedophilic. Let me be honest here.

An adult going out with a 14-year-old is fucking creepy. This dude is probably a creep, okay. As with every adult who goes out with 14-year-olds. They're fuckin creeps and you shouldn't date them.

[StoppingTom]

Er, yeah, I don't know this guy, but if he's interested in 14-15 year old girls, dropped out of school (I do realize there could be any reason for this, though, I'm just wary of that), etc. I'm not totally sure this guy isn't one of those "age is just a number girl" types.

It's one thing for two adults with that age difference to date, it's another thing when one of them is an adult and the other is focused on finishing freshman year of highschool.

[JavierDolan]

This is a sticky issue, not necessarily in your situation, but in everyone's. I personally think it's fine if you two date. However, most people do not.

I think that it's really up to the individual to decide if they should or not, I mean obviously someone should step in if a 15 year old is dating a 6 year old or a 52 year old is dating and 11 year old, but other than that I don't think that there's anything wrong with age gaps that you have.

so my answer to the question is: No, age doesn't matter, but it does matter if someone is being manipulated and tricked into thinking something that they shouldn't, similarly to how abused women and men stay with their abusive partners because it's the only thing they know as normal.

[Uniquemind]

When you're an adult, no. But at your age, it's vaguely pedophilic. Let me be honest here.

An adult going out with a 14-year-old is fucking creepy. This dude is probably a creep, okay. As with every adult who goes out with 14-year-olds. They're fuckin creeps and you shouldn't date them.

Er, yeah, I don't know this guy, but if he's interested in 14-15 year old girls, dropped out of school (I do realize there could be any reason for this, though, I'm just wary of that), etc. I'm not totally sure this guy isn't one of those "age is just a number girl" types.

It's one thing for two adults with that age difference to date, it's another thing when one of them is an adult and the other is focused on finishing freshman year of highschool.

Stay away from this guy. I'm his age, I understand his age, stay away from him. For a 19 year old to go out with a 14 year old he has to be into "the younger" variety.

True all valid points.


To be honest a good way to test that is to sit him down and say, "listen I like you a lot, but I think it's best for both of us to wait a bit until I'm 18, if you're still into me then we can resume where we left off".

Bam done, that'll test any potential creeper guy's merits. He'll say no if he's into the young girl body, and if he's in it for her personality and the relationship's chemistry, then he's a keeper.

He lives an hour away the OP said so that's workable.

[yeehaw]

I can't really mention you all, so Uniquemind thanks for compiling all the responses for me. You make a lot of sense, so I rang him a few minutes ago and talked through everything, and he can see where I'm coming from, and that it's a good idea for me to focus on studies etc.

[Uniquemind]

I can't really mention you all, so Uniquemind thanks for compiling all the responses for me. You make a lot of sense, so I rang him a few minutes ago and talked through everything, and he can see where I'm coming from, and that it's a good idea for me to focus on studies etc.

Then he seems like a practical adult and not a creep.

Did he say he was willing to wait for you or what was the status on that? It's best not to leave these kinds of situations to vague understandings.


Historically if you look back at the 1600's, 1700's, 1800's, and even early 1900's, age gaps of 15-30 years was not uncommon, and people did wait for each other.

Did abuse happen during those eras? No doubt it did, but that would also be ignoring all the long term positive relationships which are not newsworthy, and are probably great-grandparents, grandparents, who obviously made our parents, who then made us.

If you guys are lucky enough to have known and spoke about relationships and love with your grandparents, some of them are very pro-monogamy, despite having been in a large age-gap relationship. They made it work and it wasn't necessarily abusive.

In class not long ago, we watched a video on history, and there was this one person who was interviewed, and he was old but we went off on a tangent story with the documentary interviewer on how music was his life and that he met his wife when she was 13 and he was like 30, and they lived a long happy life until she passed away, but they had like 20 kids or something like that.


So in my view, it all depends on the criteria I said in above posts. It depends on how you test your partner with their intentions, and measure that against your own to see if you share life goals and stuff.


If you the younger person, don't know yourself, then yeah....you know what, you need to take things slow with anybody (besides this is the driving force that seems to begin and end same-age peer-to-peer relationships anyway, at no less emotional pain/trauma when those breakups happen).


I'm a firm believer that abusive relationships are more likely to happen to those who do not know themselves and their own power, and less so with outside factors. Although outside factors obviously exist, the strongest being how you were raised, and genetic temperment of a person.

[yeehaw]

Then he seems like a practical adult and not a creep.

Did he say he was willing to wait for you or what was the status on that? It's best not to leave these kinds of situations to vague understandings.

He said he was willing to wait for me, yeah. When it comes to stuff like this, he said he'd be very serious and practical about it because he wants what's the best for me and studies should be my priority at the moment. He said if I'd changed my mind by that time, it would be okay and he'd respect my decision. He also suggested meeting up again but as friends, but I said I'd keep it in mind and I'm probably gonna say no.

[Bull]

Platonic relationships are cool. If you guys enjoy being together, be together. Making out, at any level, is not necessary for sharing togetherness.

[yeehaw]

Platonic relationships are cool. If you guys enjoy being together, be together. Making out, at any level, is not necessary for sharing togetherness.

Yeah, both him and I discussed that we wouldn't do anything too much until it was actually legal to do so. Anyway, I'm not really the making out type either.

[Uniquemind]

He said he was willing to wait for me, yeah. When it comes to stuff like this, he said he'd be very serious and practical about it because he wants what's the best for me and studies should be my priority at the moment. He said if I'd changed my mind by that time, it would be okay and he'd respect my decision. He also suggested meeting up again but as friends, but I said I'd keep it in mind and I'm probably gonna say no.

Sorry I'm confused. You would say no to what?

[yeehaw]

Uniquemind meeting up just as 'friends'.

[SethfromMI]

^ This is gonna sound bitchy, but can you elaborate further please?

what he is saying is the older guy likes to have sex with younger girls (around your age or whatever)

Anyways age can matter, esp at our age. if both are legally an adult and they want it, then no, it does not really matter at that point

[Vanilla Cupcake]

Pffff, if by "older guys" you mean age 26 and up.

From what I've heard there are still a lot of guys age 18-25, who still suck and are still "players", and also if they date younger it's not only illegal, but the guys are tied down from going to clubs and stuff, where they might cheat.

As the saying goes everyone always thinks someone else in another situation has it better.

---
Now speaking from experience, if you want to date older you have to be confident in yourself and keep expectations super low key on how often you guys actually meet up.

1. There's no constant sex, dates, or chats.

2. You're going to have to understand and empathize with issues going on in their life you haven't personally encountered yet because you aren't there yet you'll still be expected to weigh into their problems fairly.

3. It's gonna mean you won't be able to date someone else without cheating and that applies to them too in a vice-versa scenario. (Unless you both agree to an open relationship). Even if both of you agree to that, the 3rd party has to be okay with you being taken as well, and if age gap is there, 3rd party can screw both of you legally out of a spiteful scorned heart.

I was thinking 40 and up. Why would there be less chats and sex and dates with an older guy?

[Uniquemind]

I was thinking 40 and up. Why would there be less chats and sex and dates with an older guy?

I didn't say or imply there would be less chats, sex, dates with an older guy.

But I wouldn't advise going that extreme either because I'd imagine you'd encounter less single guys looking for a stable monogamous relationship, and more of the type of old guy who keeps mistresses on the side and is trapped in an unhappy marriage, and probably has children the same or near the same age as you.

(aka: You'd be the "other girl/woman" or the stereotypical homewrecker).

Dating is tricky I imagine at any age, and like I said earlier, it's really about the content of the character and the chemistry of the relationship.

[tulolita2015]

I had some many bad experiences with guys around my age that I dont think on them anymore for serious relationships with any. I had been with older (two) and although the first one manipulate me and introduced me into sex, there are been the most pleasurables moments I ever had. So I dont think there is any problem in gap age if, there is no harm to yourself or others.

[angelina]

I pretty much hate every guy my age recently. This guy's responsible but he left school right after Year 11 and didn't do any further education. He did a job for a while, but not anymore.
Now I'm paranoid, jeez >////<

ok...if you really like each other it will blossom as love.After some time if both you get married and have kids then how do you expect him to support the family if he is without a good job?

[Cadanance00]

15,19 nbd

[Jay bay]

I had some many bad experiences with guys around my age that I dont think on them anymore for serious relationships with any. I had been with older (two) and although the first one manipulate me and introduced me into sex, there are been the most pleasurables moments I ever had. So I dont think there is any problem in gap age if, there is no harm to yourself or others.

How old were you at time how old were they

[tulolita2015]

I dont know what you mean with they? the older or younger guys?

[Jay bay]

I dont know what you mean with they? the older or younger guys?

Sorry. The older ones

[Zachary G]

Do YOU think age matters and do you think you are mature enough to handle a relationship with someone who is 4 years older than yourself? Remember, there are legal implications for the older party, so keep that in mind as a risk you would be taking.

[SillyShyGuy]

If it is only dating in the interest to know each other then age should not matter. If, however, he just wanted to kiss and mess around then age would be an issue. But at this point no, you are just getting to know each other.