Commitment - Real or Not?

[redrider12]

Hey Guys and Gals - First post on this side of the forum. Curious to see thoughts on this

I'm a junior in high school now. I go to school with all guys, so I very seldom get to see girls. When I do, I have a hard time containing myself.
I've been in and out of relationships a lot recently, and they've all ended the same way-I'm putting way more into it than she is, and she starts taking my attention it as a creepy thing. It gets to a point where my complements just get ignored. But they're my thoughts, and I want to speak them...
At this point in high school and whatever, how much realistically can I realistically expect actual devotion/commitment? Like anywhere near the level that I myself put in? I'm willing, as I always have been, to make one girl my everything and focus my time and day solely on her. I'm not looking for a quick hookup, but a meaningful relationship.
Realistic of not?

[Uniquemind]

Scale it back; you effort I mean.

[Babs]

Early into relationships you probably shouldn't expect unwavering devotion, especially in your teenage years. A meaningful relationship isn't an unrealistic desire. But I'm getting the idea that your relationships have been short-term when you say you've been in and out of relationships, and it takes time to develop the commitment and meaning you're looking for.

Chill out about it. If it happens, it happens. You can't force it.

[ashdyn]

Yeahhh don't go around proclaiming your devotion for a girl in high school...that sounds creepy lol

It's completely realistic to expect serious commitment even when you're in high school. The problem is that in high school most people aren't ready or willing to commit to anything super long term because the time you have together is finite. Most high school long term relationships last up until graduation and maybe a few months after. It's why guys and girls try to limit their expectations of high school relationships and perhaps don't put as much into them as other people like yourself. You have to make a distinction between the type of commitment you're talking about and how seriously a person takes a relationship. The type of commitment you're talking about is dating for the rest of high school then planning on going to the same college then if you make it through that...get married. Not impossible but not common to find a girl that's ready for that at your age. I think what you're really looking for is a girl that takes your relationship seriously. That's fine and you should want that. The issue is that you jump into it too soon and come on a bit strong (you said yourself you have a hard time containing it). When you're 16 and just start a relationship it's not all that normal to express to the girl this early on that you're so in love and ready to give everything up for her and run through walls for her....it just comes off as creepy. Not only does it come off as creepy but also a little disingenuous. The way you make it sound is like if she told you to run away with her you'd drop everything and everyone just to be with her. I highly doubt your ready to do that and she's definitely not ready to do that. The only way to fix your situation is to SLOW DOWN. Date her for a while (longer than a few weeks), get to know her like really know her, and start slowly building the foundation for a solid relationship. Once you have that foundation and trust, just enjoy the growing process and don't rush into and super long commitments or promises until you get to the point where you have to. Finally, as far as showing your affection and compliments and stuff think of it like getting a cup of chocolate ice cream every day delivered...the first few days it's a pleasant surprise then the more you get it the more sick of it you'll eventually get. Compliment her, even a steady stream of them is nice, but don't carpet bomb her! Lol

This was super long already but I don't want to be all doom and gloom. So far 5 couples I know that started dating in high school recently got engaged or married. I've been with my gf since sophomore year and were still dating and don't plan on ending things soon lol so it's 100% possible to find the love of your life at 16 just don't try to make every girl the love of your life. You'll know when it's real lol

[Uniquemind]

Yeahhh don't go around proclaiming your devotion for a girl in high school...that sounds creepy lol

It's completely realistic to expect serious commitment even when you're in high school. The problem is that in high school most people aren't ready or willing to commit to anything super long term because the time you have together is finite. Most high school long term relationships last up until graduation and maybe a few months after. It's why guys and girls try to limit their expectations of high school relationships and perhaps don't put as much into them as other people like yourself. You have to make a distinction between the type of commitment you're talking about and how seriously a person takes a relationship. The type of commitment you're talking about is dating for the rest of high school then planning on going to the same college then if you make it through that...get married. Not impossible but not common to find a girl that's ready for that at your age. I think what you're really looking for is a girl that takes your relationship seriously. That's fine and you should want that. The issue is that you jump into it too soon and come on a bit strong (you said yourself you have a hard time containing it). When you're 16 and just start a relationship it's not all that normal to express to the girl this early on that you're so in love and ready to give everything up for her and run through walls for her....it just comes off as creepy. Not only does it come off as creepy but also a little disingenuous. The way you make it sound is like if she told you to run away with her you'd drop everything and everyone just to be with her. I highly doubt your ready to do that and she's definitely not ready to do that. The only way to fix your situation is to SLOW DOWN. Date her for a while (longer than a few weeks), get to know her like really know her, and start slowly building the foundation for a solid relationship. Once you have that foundation and trust, just enjoy the growing process and don't rush into and super long commitments or promises until you get to the point where you have to. Finally, as far as showing your affection and compliments and stuff think of it like getting a cup of chocolate ice cream every day delivered...the first few days it's a pleasant surprise then the more you get it the more sick of it you'll eventually get. Compliment her, even a steady stream of them is nice, but don't carpet bomb her! Lol

This was super long already but I don't want to be all doom and gloom. So far 5 couples I know that started dating in high school recently got engaged or married. I've been with my gf since sophomore year and were still dating and don't plan on ending things soon lol so it's 100% possible to find the love of your life at 16 just don't try to make every girl the love of your life. You'll know when it's real lol

I agree.


But I say the confusion originates because what you just said completely clashes with the media. Prime examples being

1. Disney's projection of love and devotion.

2. Twilight

3. 50 shades

No wonder guys and girls are confused. Dating etiquette has mixed signals in society.