Ah well...

[justindw199]

Hey guys, me again. I finally got around to talking to Elisabeth about how we feel about each other. Turns out I was wrong about everything. There is no issue between us, thank god, but I admitted to liking her and she didn't feel the same way, she has a crush on a guy at her church who is quite clearly into her from what she says.

She is still an extremely close friend, and that's not going to change at all. So I'm not worried about that. But I can't help feeling like I won't ever have anyone like that in my life. I mean look at me, I'm writing this post, I have no self confidence and I am quite ugly looking. I mean, what girl likes that in a guy? The one girl who actually liked me turned around and hurt me more than anyone else has. Maybe it's just God's will that I am to be alone my entire life. I just feel so hopeless all over again. I should just give up now before I get myself into this pit all over again.


Sorry guys, I just really needed to get that off my chest, I don't want to make Elisabeth feel bad about it, otherwise I'd talk to her about it.

[TheDoctor24]

Ahhh, that sucks bruh.

[ashdyn]

Good that you worked things out but bummer you didn't get the happy ending you wanted...that's just how life is sometimes.

As far as being alone forever goes...don't think like that! You're 16! I know you feel like your whole life if supposed to happen right now and that if it doesn't it just feels like the world is gunna end, but trust me it's not. Forever is a really really long time. When you're 16 everything feels like it's this huge monumental life changing event but in the grand scheme of things most of the stuff you do in high school is completely insignificant in your college and adult life. So you don't have a gf right now...so what? I know people I their 30s that are single. Just let this sink in for a while, maybe you don't need a girlfriend to affirm your value.
You said you have no self confidence, but why? Is it because you think you're ugly? Trust me, no matter how ugly you think you are someone out there thinks you're cute. It may not be the prettiest girl in school or the most popular but she's out there. So don't give up on yourself! You have to be able to love yourself before you can possibly be able to love and connect with someone else. Find a way to get comfortable in your own skin (which is hard at any age let alone at 16) then project that confidence. When you feel good, you look good. Girls notice that kind of stuff. Don't give up. If God wanted you to be alone forever he'd have put you on Mars.

[justindw199]

Good that you worked things out but bummer you didn't get the happy ending you wanted...that's just how life is sometimes.

As far as being alone forever goes...don't think like that! You're 16! I know you feel like your whole life if supposed to happen right now and that if it doesn't it just feels like the world is gunna end, but trust me it's not. Forever is a really really long time. When you're 16 everything feels like it's this huge monumental life changing event but in the grand scheme of things most of the stuff you do in high school is completely insignificant in your college and adult life. So you don't have a gf right now...so what? I know people I their 30s that are single. Just let this sink in for a while, maybe you don't need a girlfriend to affirm your value.
You said you have no self confidence, but why? Is it because you think you're ugly? Trust me, no matter how ugly you think you are someone out there thinks you're cute. It may not be the prettiest girl in school or the most popular but she's out there. So don't give up on yourself! You have to be able to love yourself before you can possibly be able to love and connect with someone else. Find a way to get comfortable in your own skin (which is hard at any age let alone at 16) then project that confidence. When you feel good, you look good. Girls notice that kind of stuff. Don't give up. If God wanted you to be alone forever he'd have put you on Mars.

Thanks for the kind words, needed that this morning. I have no self confidence because I have been abandoned too many times by different people. I can be easily torn down and made to feel miserable. I'm always too scared to try something new, or anything along those lines. How can I love who I am when no one else does?

[ashdyn]

That's a challenge most people deal with. What you have to realize it that there's not some requirement that someone loves you before you can love yourself. Getting abandoned sucks and the scars it leaves are deep. But you can't let the past prevent you from having a fair shot at a happy future. When you love someone it will always require, at some point, for you to risk everything (emotionally anyway). I'm a pretty firm believer that you can't really love someone 98%. It's all in or nothing. Taking those leaps of faith can sometimes leave you bruised. Like bruises though, the pain subsides over time. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there because of what someone else did to you in the past. How could the next person to possibly love you have a fair shot at making a connection with you if your walls are always up? You don't have to go throwing yourself on every grenade...just don't be afraid to navigate then mine field.

[justindw199]

I don't know, it's just getting really hard to deal with nowadays.

[Sheilae]

Hey guys, me again. I finally got around to talking to Elisabeth about how we feel about each other. Turns out I was wrong about everything. There is no issue between us, thank god, but I admitted to liking her and she didn't feel the same way, she has a crush on a guy at her church who is quite clearly into her from what she says.

She is still an extremely close friend, and that's not going to change at all. So I'm not worried about that. But I can't help feeling like I won't ever have anyone like that in my life. I mean look at me, I'm writing this post, I have no self confidence and I am quite ugly looking. I mean, what girl likes that in a guy? The one girl who actually liked me turned around and hurt me more than anyone else has. Maybe it's just God's will that I am to be alone my entire life. I just feel so hopeless all over again. I should just give up now before I get myself into this pit all over again.


Sorry guys, I just really needed to get that off my chest, I don't want to make Elisabeth feel bad about it, otherwise I'd talk to her about it.
There will eventually come someone who will like you back. Don't feel sad, okay? Life is full of surprises. You never know who comes on your path. Just stay friends with Elisabeth, and it'll work out, I promise :)

[justindw199]

I really wish I could see that right now, but I can't. Sorry...

[Uniquemind]

Hey guys, me again. I finally got around to talking to Elisabeth about how we feel about each other. Turns out I was wrong about everything. There is no issue between us, thank god, but I admitted to liking her and she didn't feel the same way, she has a crush on a guy at her church who is quite clearly into her from what she says.

She is still an extremely close friend, and that's not going to change at all. So I'm not worried about that. But I can't help feeling like I won't ever have anyone like that in my life. I mean look at me, I'm writing this post, I have no self confidence and I am quite ugly looking. I mean, what girl likes that in a guy? The one girl who actually liked me turned around and hurt me more than anyone else has. Maybe it's just God's will that I am to be alone my entire life. I just feel so hopeless all over again. I should just give up now before I get myself into this pit all over again.


Sorry guys, I just really needed to get that off my chest, I don't want to make Elisabeth feel bad about it, otherwise I'd talk to her about it.

I can't speak to anything else you said. But I will say this since you invoked the phrase "God's Will".

God's Will, PERMITS all things to happen in a free will universe. There is no set pre-determinism in the sense mankind thinks of destiny.

The power lies with you as an individual to change your mind at any given time and find strength in your own choices, and resist or go with the flow of other social-gravity trends.

[justindw199]

I'm sorry for being wrong, but I was raised an atheist and only became a convert to Christianity recently. I still have a lot to learn.

[Uniquemind]

I'm sorry for being wrong, but I was raised an atheist and only became a convert to Christianity recently. I still have a lot to learn.

What I just told you is not something many pastors or higher ups in Christianity acknowledge anyway.

I'm just stating a fact that is rarely mentioned by them and I can support, but that's not why you made the OP, I'm only stating what is relevant to this thread and the last few posts you made.

Take time to mourn but beware tunnel vision thinking, stay logical my friend, stay safe. Emotions aren't to be stoked and suppressed, they are to be acknowledged and expressed in healthy ways. That's how you control emotions, you make them pivot and use their energy in different positive ways for the benefit of your life.

[justindw199]

What I just told you is not something many pastors or higher ups in Christianity acknowledge anyway.

I'm just stating a fact that is rarely mentioned by them and I can support, but that's not why you made the OP, I'm only stating what is relevant to this thread and the last few posts you made.

Take time to mourn but beware tunnel vision thinking, stay logical my friend, stay safe. Emotions aren't to be stoked and suppressed, they are to be acknowledged and expressed in healthy ways. That's how you control emotions, you make them pivot and use their energy in different positive ways for the benefit of your life.

Thanks man, but idk. Elisabeth is most certainly still going to be the closest person in my life. We have always been like brother and sister. I'm not upset with her at all and I'm completely fine with her decision, it's the fact of being told yet again that I'm not liked in that way.

[Uniquemind]

Thanks man, but idk. Elisabeth is most certainly still going to be the closest person in my life. We have always been like brother and sister. I'm not upset with her at all and I'm completely fine with her decision, it's the fact of being told yet again that I'm not liked in that way.

I've done door to door selling for school charities and programs and one quality that is directly true to proposing a relationship with someone is that you will get more noes than yeses.

The key factor to success is to try try again and self-reflection to make yourself a whole person before you seek out romance.

[justindw199]

I've done door to door selling for school charities and programs and one quality that is directly true to proposing a relationship with someone is that you will get more noes than yeses.

The key factor to success is to try try again and self-reflection to make yourself a whole person before you seek out romance.

I do try again, and I do reflect on who I am, but trying again only leads to more pain, and looking back at myself all I see is someone who will never be loved. I always put my best foot forward, I try to be a kind, caring, forgiving, as I can possibly be. I never do anything that could possibly hurt a girl, and if I do, I feel absolutely awful because of it. Never has it been on purpose, but it always seems to happen and drive them to someone else. I look around and see how everyone else treats their girlfriends, and I see how awful they actually treat them, but they keep coming back.

Why would girls take someone like that over me, someone who would actually respect them and genuinely care about them?

[Uniquemind]

I do try again, and I do reflect on who I am, but trying again only leads to more pain, and looking back at myself all I see is someone who will never be loved. I always put my best foot forward, I try to be a kind, caring, forgiving, as I can possibly be. I never do anything that could possibly hurt a girl, and if I do, I feel absolutely awful because of it. Never has it been on purpose, but it always seems to happen and drive them to someone else. I look around and see how everyone else treats their girlfriends, and I see how awful they actually treat them, but they keep coming back.

Why would girls take someone like that over me, someone who would actually respect them and genuinely care about them?

Because you're missing subtext probably in some cases. You're completely misinterpreting the flirty interplay that couples do that sometimes to an outsider looks like mistreatment, but to a couple it's all a giant inside joke and nobody is really offended they're just being coy.

[justindw199]

Because you're missing subtext probably in some cases. You're completely misinterpreting the flirty interplay that couples do that sometimes to an outsider looks like mistreatment, but to a couple it's all a giant inside joke and nobody is really offended they're just being coy.

I more speaking to guys and girls cheating on each other all the time, but still staying in the relationship.

[Uniquemind]

I more speaking to guys and girls cheating on each other all the time, but still staying in the relationship.

That's usually due to immaturity, and the fact that they probably don't know their own boundaries of what they are uncomfortable with versus their need to explore their lust and sexual side.

But conflicts arise in their own mind because social messages also confuse them on what to do because society advocates forgiveness and forget, as well as concepts of revenge as being justified.

That's not even taking into account the social-biological-chemical-emotional melting pot hormones, and what sex (good or bad doesn't matter) does to us.

I predict that you'll find romance in people who are more deeper and more confident in of themselves, probably in college, because I don't see that many of our peers rising above the fray, and escaping that internal struggle as well as avoid it in others.

---

You want the best tip of advice for success in just being a likable person, and increase your attractiveness and datability?

Watch, listen, then react, and stay in control of yourself in social situations.

Use intelligence to make witty observations based on truthful things you did while watching, but also be kind, yet assertive.

Also above all balance being serious, with sweet romantic light-hearted subtext. If you're too serious, you'll be interpreted as being a buzzkill/killjoy, and not a fun person.


That's the best nutshell advice I can give you at this moment.

[justindw199]

I appreciate you trying to help, it does mean a lot to me. But I just really don't know anymore.

[Uniquemind]

I appreciate you trying to help, it does mean a lot to me. But I just really don't know anymore.

I get it you need time. When you're ready, revisit this thread and re-read my posts. What I say takes time to sink into the brain process. I'm pretty deep.

[lacey02]

you are very mature how you are taking this. if it is meant to be... maybe later on. If not, someone will see how you treated her and know you are a good guy and want to be with you. Congrats and good luck!

[justindw199]

you are very mature how you are taking this. if it is meant to be... maybe later on. If not, someone will see how you treated her and know you are a good guy and want to be with you. Congrats and good luck!

Thank you! And yes, you can let my thread be 100, unless you have something special in mind. :)

[ashdyn]

Maybe they leave because you expect too much from them. Like maybe you love them and really want them to love you back but they're not ready to love you yet.

Also, you can mitigate the pain of rejection by looking at all the times you put yourself out there as 50/50. Don't build yourself up to the point where you think she just has to say yes to me because I'm the best guy out there for her. You can still be 100% confident in yourself and project that while also acknowledging that failure and rejection are a possible outcome.

[justindw199]

Maybe they leave because you expect too much from them. Like maybe you love them and really want them to love you back but they're not ready to love you yet.

Also, you can mitigate the pain of rejection by looking at all the times you put yourself out there as 50/50. Don't build yourself up to the point where you think she just has to say yes to me because I'm the best guy out there for her. You can still be 100% confident in yourself and project that while also acknowledging that failure and rejection are a possible outcome.

I don't really build myself up like that. I'm just so tired of everyone else being able to find happiness, and I never can.

[Uniquemind]

I don't really build myself up like that. I'm just so tired of everyone else being able to find happiness, and I never can.

If you define happiness as finding temporary relationships, that end up often falling apart and creating all kinds of drama within a year or less sure...yeah they're happy.