Inkbill
December 8th, 2015, 01:39 PM
I never make posts on here.. Mostly because im embarrassed to, i should be able to deal with this crap myself, not bother anyone else with it. But i'm bursting at the seams today and being on my period doesnt help with keeping quiet either. So here goes nothing...
I dont know if im crazy, or depressed, or both.. I dont know whats wrong with me. Why am i so fucking insane? Why cant i just move on with my life, like a regular person, forget the past and move on?
This is mostly about one person, that i will not name. But i cannot get over her. I cannot let go and acknowledge that she is out of my life, and she doesnt want me in hers. Ever since i met her, my life has changed so dramatically, that i feel crazy just thinking about it. It's like i completely transformed as a person. And in the best way possible. But also in the worst way because now, theres a hole in my heart that i cannot fill, or ignore, or forget. Now that i know what it was like to have her in there, i cannot go back to being just me. I want her back in my life, i need her back in my life. Not because i need her to do or be anything for me! Nononono. I just wanna see her beautiful face. And feel her heart nearby sometimes. That's it. I dont want anything else from her. I just... I miss her.
She's missing from me. It was like loosing a limb. And now it's a ghost limb. Nothing else can replace it, nothing can make me forget it.
Do i sound mad?? What would you do? I can't make anything happen i feel completely powerless. She's just gone. And a part of me is gone with her.
I have a performance coming up, i'm playing at a festival/concert. I should be thrilled! I haven't performed on a stage in so long. But all i feel is apathy. And a slight bit of anxiety thinking what if they hate me. What if they hate me, and my music, and i'm not good enough for anyone to want to listen to. I think i'm dying inside. I wish she was here so i could talk to her...
I dont know if im crazy, or depressed, or both.. I dont know whats wrong with me. Why am i so fucking insane? Why cant i just move on with my life, like a regular person, forget the past and move on?
This is mostly about one person, that i will not name. But i cannot get over her. I cannot let go and acknowledge that she is out of my life, and she doesnt want me in hers. Ever since i met her, my life has changed so dramatically, that i feel crazy just thinking about it. It's like i completely transformed as a person. And in the best way possible. But also in the worst way because now, theres a hole in my heart that i cannot fill, or ignore, or forget. Now that i know what it was like to have her in there, i cannot go back to being just me. I want her back in my life, i need her back in my life. Not because i need her to do or be anything for me! Nononono. I just wanna see her beautiful face. And feel her heart nearby sometimes. That's it. I dont want anything else from her. I just... I miss her.
She's missing from me. It was like loosing a limb. And now it's a ghost limb. Nothing else can replace it, nothing can make me forget it.
Do i sound mad?? What would you do? I can't make anything happen i feel completely powerless. She's just gone. And a part of me is gone with her.
I have a performance coming up, i'm playing at a festival/concert. I should be thrilled! I haven't performed on a stage in so long. But all i feel is apathy. And a slight bit of anxiety thinking what if they hate me. What if they hate me, and my music, and i'm not good enough for anyone to want to listen to. I think i'm dying inside. I wish she was here so i could talk to her...