Please help

[Mastervancarsall2020]

Should I be talking to my ex behind my partners back? I find it helps me get everything off my mind and some advice as to what to do in different circum stances. She told me today that she occasionaly thinks about me and what would of happened if we hadnt broken up and also told me that there will always be a space in her heart for me. Do i stop talking to her or what?

[Judean Zealot]

Be decent to her and stop stabbing her in the back. Find some less hurtful way to get things off your chest- maybe write them down. She's clearly trying to be civil about this, so don't cause problems.

[Vermilion]

Do you want her back ? And it's best not to go behind your gf back

[Uniquemind]

It's not always a bad thing but given your ex's response it indicates she's trying to leverage her situation into getting you back from your current partner. That's specifically dangerous because a foundation is now laid for emotional relief via socialization which promotes bonding and then physically cheating before you know what hit ya because it "just happened".

[ashdyn]

As a general rule I'm one and done when it comes to relationships. So getting back with an ex would be pretty unlikely. It's perfectly fine to remain friends with your ex, especially if things ended ok, but spilling relationship deets to your ex is pretty weird. I get that you trust her and all but you really have to ask yourself. How many ex's want to hear out their former partner's current relationship lol I think it's kinda obvious that she still has some feelings beyond friendship left for you. I also think you have some unresolved feelings you need to deal with too. It's why after a breakup, even on good terms, I usually separate myself pretty completely from my ex just so I know for sure and she knows that it's over. You can't expect to have healthy relationships moving forward if you don't let past relationships stay in the past.

[Mastervancarsall2020]

She doesn't want more than to be friends, and hopes me and my partner sort things out, she knows that we cant get back together. Neither of us actualy know why we even broke up in the first place. And theres no posibility of me cheating on my partner as my ex lives like 4 hours away.

[Uniquemind]

As a general rule I'm one and done when it comes to relationships. So getting back with an ex would be pretty unlikely. It's perfectly fine to remain friends with your ex, especially if things ended ok, but spilling relationship deets to your ex is pretty weird. I get that you trust her and all but you really have to ask yourself. How many ex's want to hear out their former partner's current relationship lol I think it's kinda obvious that she still has some feelings beyond friendship left for you. I also think you have some unresolved feelings you need to deal with too. It's why after a breakup, even on good terms, I usually separate myself pretty completely from my ex just so I know for sure and she knows that it's over. You can't expect to have healthy relationships moving forward if you don't let past relationships stay in the past.

This being said, I know of scenarios where two mutual friends date the same guy or girl, and because their friends already sometimes are able to give great advice to their friend about their partner because, they can relate to what it's like to date the same person their friend is with. Especially among more liberal non-jealous type friends, I've seen them even rip jokes on each other because of the above scenario.

I've also heard of ex's giving great advice to help their ex's by pointing out character flaws objectively to help the person understand flaws that they perhaps never detected or/and fixed after the first couple, now friends, relationship.

It's very much a fallacy to assume punishment (breakups) effectively teach the person at fault a lesson on self-improvement.