I don't know what I am?

[Equinox1]

I'm a teenager and I'm FTM, I think that may be a reason that I feel this way but I've identified as pansexual. I don't know if that's right though because I've never had a crush on a girl or a non-binary person before (but I've never even met a non-binary person IRL). So, I know that I'm romantically and sexually attracted to males. All my crushes (at least major ones) have been on guys. Okay, I don't find the female body that sexually attractive. I do sort of find it aesthetically pleasing and I do feel a little bit sexually attracted but not too much. That's also how I feel romantically, I would date and marry girls as well but I don't find the female body very attractive or my romantic feelings don't feel very strong. Even with pre/non-op transwomen, I don't feel very attracted towards them. With pre/non-op transmen, even though I said that I don't find the female body very sexually attractive, I still feel as attracted to transmen as I do to cis men even if they have a female body. As for non-binary people, it's basically the same thing. If they're agender or something like that and have a female body then that's fine. If they partially identified as female then I don't know how I'd feel about that. I don't know if I'm just gay and in denial because I do not want to be gay on top of trans. However, when I was ten years old I only liked girls and that's what made me start questioning in the first place (I didn't know my gender yet, I thought that I was a lesbian).

I think that maybe I don't like girls that much because I'm FTM and I can't currently transition. Sometimes, looking at other AFAB people's bodies makes me feel dysphoric about my own body like actually physically sick. I actually prefer feminine people like girly girls or boys who like girls clothes or makeup which confuses me because I prefer males in terms of attraction but like people with a feminine gender expression! I like feminine and masculine people almost equally but slightly prefer femininity. I don't know what I should call myself, I know that other people can't tell me what I am but does anyone have any ideas? Thank you :)

[Magenta]

Then just say you're pansexual or unsure. There's nothing wrong in saying you don't know exactly what your sexuality is and, often times, sexuality is catered to a gender binary for the easy comprehension of cis individuals. I wouldn't worry about it so much. I know how difficult it is to worry about your gender identity on top of your sexuality and sometimes it's just a lot easier to let one issue go and save it for later. Focus on finding ways to express yourself until you can transition and somewhere along the way, you'll figure out who you're attracted to, maybe even when you least expect it.

It could be that traditional femininity makes you dysphoric, as you said, because you can't transition and therefore you're currently more attracted to what you're aiming towards and relate to more. Your view of the world through your dysphoria unfortunately gets clouded and confusing. So, like I said, try not to think too much about it. There's no need to put a label on yourself just yet or ever if you don't want to. It takes awhile and that's okay. I'm 20 years old and I didn't even know the term for my gender let alone how it related to my sexuality until recently. :)

[pascaldesla]

What is FTM?

[sqishy]

What is FTM?

Female-to-Male.

[pascaldesla]

Not possible

[Magenta]

Not possible

I'm not sure you understand the concept of being transgender, if you're referring to the "Female-to-Male" thing. It is very possible, whether it be simply your gender identity and presentation as transgender or being transsexual which is the technical term for someone who has undergone a full physical transition. There are surgeries to change physical aspects of the body, hormonal treatments, not to mention the fact the person already felt like a different gender to begin with. There are a very large number of people who are and live as men despite being born into a female body and vice versa.

Essentially, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck regardless of how it got there.

But I'd rather not derail the OP's thread by explaining transgenderism in detail. There are lots of other resources available elsewhere to explain it better.

[Bluebyrd]

You don't really have to label yourself. You like people for different reasons in different situations so it's quite hard to say.