Coming Out help

[Januarist2000]

So recently I came out to my mom (again). I first tried to come out to my mom about when I was in 8th grade, and she just said that she would pray, and I should pray for myself, because "it wasn't normal/right" (those weren't her exact words).

Ever since, I did pray for a while, but I felt, why am I praying for something to be fixed, if nothing is broken? I'm me.

So, I've been talking to this guy at school. We started off as friends (we still are), but we both like eachother (that's a romance story for another time). So, we hold hands in the hallway, and one of my friends took a picture, and sent it to another phone I have. That phone doesn't have a passcode. So, my mom saw the picture, and texted me this:

http://hostthenpost.org/uploads/b005db9c3a68689bdfbdd592d30f242b.png (http://hostthenpost.org)
http://hostthenpost.org/uploads/7fbad84cfa3876d9c07da3a896b6d991.png (http://hostthenpost.org)
(excuse her improper typing lol)

I told her I wasn't gay (I was hoping she'd assume I was bi, since that's what I tried to tell her in 8th grade). She assumed, "oh he isn't gay, so he must be straight". I know this because she was joking about it the following day.

I came out to her again in the car. I told her I like both sexes, and I don't want her controlling how I feel towards guys. I told her ever since I was sure about this, I have been extremely happy, happier than I've ever been.

The issue is, it seems like she doesn't want to accept this. If you can't tell, she's really Christian, so this will be tough for me. She said she doesn't want to be bothered with me if I want to do that stuff, but she still loves me. That kind of hurt me.

Almost everyday since it happened (this happened Tuesday), she's called me into her room talking about it, which I really don't want to think about or repeat, but went along the lines of "so you're gay because you're sexually attracted to me". I came out to her as bi, so I sort of took offense to this.

Can anyone give me any help on this? I caught her crying when she was doing laundry, and almost broke down. Even though my goal was to just tell her, and not care about reactions, it's starting not to work out that way.

[Judean Zealot]

I would advise you to stop trying to convince her that what you're doing isn't a sin. You won't get anywhere. You should try comforting her by talking on her terms. Try saying that we all have vices, and even if it is a sin, this is one of yours. Try to explain how you are still a good person, even if there's something you're slipping in. If she's very Christian, focusing on God's mercy and forgiveness should get you somewhere. Remain soft spoken, and if you've raised your voice before at her, apologise now. Treat her extra kindly. Remember, she's likely suffering emotionally even more than you. Let time work it's magic, and in the meanwhile be super supportive of her.

[Januarist2000]

I would advise you to stop trying to convince her that what you're doing isn't a sin. You won't get anywhere. You should try comforting her by talking on her terms. Try saying that we all have vices, and even if it is a sin, this is one of yours. Try to explain how you are still a good person, even if there's something you're slipping in. If she's very Christian, focusing on God's mercy and forgiveness should get you somewhere. Remain soft spoken, and if you've raised your voice before at her, apologise now. Treat her extra kindly. Remember, she's likely suffering emotionally even more than you. Let time work it's magic, and in the meanwhile be super supportive of her.
Thank you for your advice.

I haven't, at least I don't think. I did a lot of eyerolling when shrewd telling me about why what I was doing was wrong. I shouldn't have done that, and will apologize for it.

She does seem to get aggressive when we talk about it. She claims she isn't mad when I tell her to calm down (should I not do this?). It's hard to believe she isn't mad with the all the hand gestures and dirty looks she gives me

[Judean Zealot]

I haven't, at least I don't think. I did a lot of eyerolling when shrewd telling me about why what I was doing was wrong. I shouldn't have done that, and will apologize for it.

Such things come across as like 'I really don't give a shit about what you're saying, why don't you just cut it out'. She will listen to you more if you maintain eye contact and silently listen to what she says. Remember, you're trying to win over someone you love, so don't antagonise her.

She does seem to get aggressive when we talk about it. She claims she isn't mad when I tell her to calm down (should I not do this?). It's hard to believe she isn't mad with the all the hand gestures and dirty looks she gives me

If you tell her to calm down, make sure it's in a soothing voice, not a harsh one. Speak in a low and calm tone.

It's likely that she is mad. She just got the shock of her life, and she's afraid that she's lost you. You must not reflect that anger. You can not show her anything but love, even if inside you're falling apart. If you do this, things will eventually get better. Also, use tact. Don't loudly talk about how great your boyfriend is in front of your mother. Y'know, common sense.

Remember: 'A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger' (Proverbs 15:1)

[Bull]

the comments from Judean Zealot are very good. However, sexuality is not a choice to be made, it is simply a part of who you are. Make your mother proud of you in your school work, and other activities. Be respectful of her and her beliefs. btw being bi does not exclude you from the Christian community. Some attitudes and beliefs are often more culture based than religious based. I worship a loving and caring God and feel embraced by that love. I also feel embraced by my fellow church members.

[Januarist2000]

Thank you both

I do show her love. Just when she degrades me, I can't take it and walk out of her room and cry. The stuff she says really does get to me, and I try not to let it happen.

I try to talk to her as calm as I can. I will try to keep eye contact with her but it's hard to with the looks she gives, but I am trying to maintain my calmness when talking to her.

I've always maintained good grades and participated in lots if activities after 8th grade. I'm more involved with stuff, which I do to better myself and make myself proud.

Thank you all again, I will keep these in mind. I have texted her everyday that I love her when I leave out for school and during school

[Judean Zealot]

Sounds like you're really handling this well. Keep it up and it will eventually get better.

[Jinglebottom]

I'm probably never coming out my entire life. You're really brave. :) I'm too much of a coward.

[Magenta]

I know it's not an ideal situation but honestly, some parents don't and will never get it. I can tell you want to be open and I encourage you to continue trying to explain it to her, perhaps in the ways stated above, but I also want to be realistic and just warn you that you may never get through to her. Focus on the people who do accept you for who you are and just remember that she's flawed like everyone else and maybe with her you just have to let it go for awhile.

[Judean Zealot]

I'm probably never coming out my entire life. You're really brave. :) I'm too much of a coward.

You're bi, so you can have a relationship with girls, you are guaranteed to absolutely wreck your relationships with both family and friends if you come out, so I wouldn't call it 'cowardice'. I would call it 'prudence'.