Excluded by parents

[lacey02]

Does anyone have a parent that treats them differently than their brothers or sisters? (I dont think my mom realizes this, but she does not include all of the family with activities. She seems to favor one kid over another or even her extended family...) I dont know that she is open to feedback on this as she is sensitive about it.

[Sailor Mars]

Yes. My mom usually puts all the responsibility on me (even tho im younger) and if she's angry at both my brother and I, she'll take it out on me and not him. Idgaf honestly but it's stupid

[Babs]

My mom holds me, my sisters, and one of my brothers to a higher standard than she does the rest of my brothers. Even when my grown-ass adult brother is egging somebody on, she will always take his side.

It's whatever though. It's just the way things are and I've learned to deal with it more or less.

[Jinglebottom]

No particular favoritism happens at my house - although my mom is easier on my twin sister because she's less rebellious than me (and I'm more likely to defy her).

[Magenta]

My step-mother always compared me to her children. And let's face it, she didn't want another kid so she treated me like shit in comparison. We were supposedly this picture-perfect "blended" family but while her kids got bedrooms, I slept on a couch for seven years. Her kids got to eat food they liked, she made fun of me for my diet. Her kids could be lazy and slack off in school and she didn't care. Her kids got 90s and they got praised. I got criticized no matter what.

In my case, I wasn't actually her kid but it doesn't really excuse her behaviour. And my dad never treated me as well as her kids either. Unfortunately in some families it just happens. I don't want to say it's worse, per se, but it sucks when one of your parents literally replaces you with someone else's children. At least you know your siblings are your siblings even if it is incredibly unfair sometimes.

But remember, parents also try to realize their kids are different. They treat you based on how you act, not your siblings. Sometimes it backfires. Try talking to your mum if you can. Just keep it simple and don't accuse her of anything. Maybe just say you want to be included in certain activities more often.

[Judean Zealot]

It usually happens to small degrees in most families- 'tis human to err. It's annoying as hell, but it passes. Fortunately for myself, I was on the right side of the favoritism. :)

[lacey02]

Thanks all for answers! maybe does not fix anything but helps me see I am not alone and also that I probably still have it better than others.

My step-mother always compared me to her children. And let's face it, she didn't want another kid so she treated me like shit in comparison. We were supposedly this picture-perfect "blended" family but while her kids got bedrooms, I slept on a couch for seven years. Her kids got to eat food they liked, she made fun of me for my diet. Her kids could be lazy and slack off in school and she didn't care. Her kids got 90s and they got praised. I got criticized no matter what.

In my case, I wasn't actually her kid but it doesn't really excuse her behaviour. And my dad never treated me as well as her kids either. Unfortunately in some families it just happens. I don't want to say it's worse, per se, but it sucks when one of your parents literally replaces you with someone else's children. At least you know your siblings are your siblings even if it is incredibly unfair sometimes.

But remember, parents also try to realize their kids are different. They treat you based on how you act, not your siblings. Sometimes it backfires. Try talking to your mum if you can. Just keep it simple and don't accuse her of anything. Maybe just say you want to be included in certain activities more often.

I am sorry for this. I realize now that I dont have it as bad as some and I am trying to appreciate what I do have. Just seems like a parent would try and be even with their kids.

My mom holds me, my sisters, and one of my brothers to a higher standard than she does the rest of my brothers. Even when my grown-ass adult brother is egging somebody on, she will always take his side.

It's whatever though. It's just the way things are and I've learned to deal with it more or less.

Do you feel like there is a double standard.... like mom thinks it is ok for my brother to walk around in boxers, but if I am in underwear, it is a big deal and sin

Yes. My mom usually puts all the responsibility on me (even tho im younger) and if she's angry at both my brother and I, she'll take it out on me and not him. Idgaf honestly but it's stupid

My brother is 15 and seems to get the same better treatment.

-merged multiple posts. Please use the "Edit" or the "Multi-quote" buttons. -Emerald Dream

[Babs]

Do you feel like there is a double standard.... like mom thinks it is ok for my brother to walk around in boxers, but if I am in underwear, it is a big deal and sin

A little, yeah, though not in the sense that you're talking about. Mainly she expects us to be mature and responsible, but makes excuses for them when they aren't.

[ClaraWho]

I think the general theme here is there is nothing you can really do about it in most circumstances, just grit your teeth and bare it. I get the brunt in our house, nothing I do is ever good enough, even if better than my sister. But hey, my parents and I don't get on, what can I do? It hurts a bit, but I have love elsewhere so I'm happy.

Good Luck

~ Clara

[StoppingTom]

I get treated differently (admittedly better) because I don't cause much trouble for them. My older sister is kind of neurotic and will argue just about anything, and my younger brother is the stereotypical teenage boy on Degrassi. I get my work done, don't ask for much, and keep myself out of (big) trouble, so I have a much longer leash than my siblings.

Not to say if you're treated badly by your parents compared to your siblings it's your fault. From the looks of this thread, a lot of people are treated pretty unfairly.

[Uniquemind]

I think there have been scientific studies on the subject that prove parents do have favorites.

It's been a hot topic for a long time.


However I don't take crap or get leveraged by anybody. If someone asks me to do something it is because of my will and good naturedness I help the family but if something is denied me due to parents or teachers I won't make a scene or yell, I just figure out a creative way to get the end result I want while letting them think I didn't rebel.

Of course I weigh consequences and reasoning about why I even want XY or Z in the first place. If it's rebellion for the sake of pride and ego I usually back off.

Also if I had a mean unfair step mother I would definitely bluntly tell my dad, and if he takes her side I'd say where his failings are in criticizing her, and make him acknowledge pussywhipped bias on his part.