I have big size problem.. What i can't solve and i need help

[Aivis371LV]

My mom is anxious about my work quality in school and i know it is awfull.
The point is not that i don't want to work in school... I want but when i press more pressure on my mind i just get awfull marks as usually. So i just don't do anything. I just go to school, read books but still bad marks.
My mom thinks i won't complete exams.. I agree eith her. If i complete they won't be super good and my mom will not be excited.
So school is my problem... But wait. That's not enough for my shitty life
Everyone is still abusing me in school... And i can't do anything... But you want more??
Self harm is pieace of.. Ass and i still do it.. Even if i don't want to do it. I scratch, i bite skin..and i can't control it.
BUT WAIT..there is more ***** happening in my life??
I like a girl in school but i look realy bad and then i get more ******* anxiety..
And my mom thinks only about herself. I want to buy new computer part and she is against it..even if i want buy new Raspberry pi zero.. Who is only 5 dollars.. Mom if you manage to read this.. REALLY??? I CAN'T GET CHEAP COMPUTER??
Sorry for that ** words
I don't know what i will do if i will be negative results in exams.. Well i have one idea but everone will be against me and that will screw some people life and i don't care about them. I am thinking about suicide lot of time and i am thinking about it as good thing. I can get rid of my problems in one evening. But this is if i fail exams and couple of more things.
So if you want to say something bad and abuse me.. Go on
And if you want to cheer me up.. Go on two:D

So i seek for help and i admit i need help..

[Judean Zealot]

The first step is to stop blaming others, and shoulder responsibility for your state of mind. That may seem to make no sense, but it's true. You have to be completely honest with yourself about your flaws and their roots, and then you have to correct them. We all have flaws, some are successful and conquer them, while others despair and fail.

I can't insta-cheer you up, but if you are honest with yourself and proactive in your self-improvement, I promise you that you will gradually shift to a far happier state of mind. Remember: it's beyond your power what others do to you, but whether it hurts you or not is entirely up to you.