What would you make of this?

[StoppingTom]

So, I had been talking to this girl (let's call her C for simplicity) for a few weeks, and we got along pretty great, so I figured what the hell, I'll ask her out.

On Wednesday, I had asked her if she was free after school to get dinner, she seemed pretty into the idea and said yes, but she would have to check to see if she was babysitting. Alright, cool.

She texted me later that day saying she did have to babysit until 9pm, so I said alright, any other time you're free? She said she may be able to do something before work the day after Thanksgiving, provided she didn't get in trouble or anything.

Me: "Why would you get in trouble?"
C: "This is the first time I'm going to thanksgiving in 4 years, my family doesn't like me"
Me: "How could they not? You're awesome to be around"
C: "Tom, you don't understand, I'm pretty awful and I fake being happy a lot, I'm not in the mood to explain"
Me: "You don't have to explain, I just think you have too many great qualities to be critical of yourself like this"
C: "Idk... brb"

I didn't hear from her at all after that, even after sending a "happy thanksgiving" and everything. I sent her a snapchat just asking what was up, which she opened but did not reply to. She still checks out my stories almost immediately after I post them, but I get no response.

Honestly, I'm confused, because we get along great and she seemed really into the idea of dating, now I'm getting totally mixed signals. She's super sweet, so it doesn't seem like her to just blow me off.

TL;DR: gril into dating, then doesn't answer messages despite still checking out my social media and stuff, what do

[carolinae]

She obviously has got some family problems. There's an infinite amount of possibilities as to why she hasn't replied to you. Maybe she became upset during Thanksgiving? Maybe she likes you, but doesn't want to involve you into her life? Maybe she thinks you don't like her? Maybe she doesn't like you at all? I think you should probably send her a text explaining how you've been feeling, and how you'd be there for her or something like that. It would have to be something you put thought into, not random things you think of at that moment.
I hate to generalize, but some girls are hard to figure out. In fact, most people are hard to figure out.

[SethfromMI]

Well one thing I will say is don't rush or jump to any conclusions. just try to get into contact with her, even in person may be better and try to talk to her when you can, if anything just to let her know you will be there for her even if she does not want to talk about the issues in her family

[Judean Zealot]

Perhaps she's afraid she's not 'good enough'?

[Emerald Dream]

Sounds like she may be having some family issues, or doesn't want you to think bad of her.

I would say give her a little bit of time and space, maybe a week or two - and then let her know you are available if she needs to talk about anything. She'll know that you are still interested (for real) that way. Also, a big mistake a lot of people make...if you rush to tell her that you are "there for her" quickly and repeatedly...for some people that comes off as intimidating (and irritating), and they shut down completely - especially if they have social anxiety. Give her time to work through some things mentally/emotionally and get herself into a situation where she's more open to it.

[StoppingTom]

God guys, I really appreciate this. Ever since my last relationship (some of you guys know how that went) I've been so anxious and self-doubting about this kind of stuff..

I wouldn't see her in school again until Monday, and I feel like such an annoyance sending messages with no reply.

[SethfromMI]

God guys, I really appreciate this. Ever since my last relationship (some of you guys know how that went) I've been so anxious and self-doubting about this kind of stuff..

I wouldn't see her in school again until Monday, and I feel like such an annoyance sending messages with no reply.

maybe just wait till you see her in person. that way she is there in person and you both get a break form the messages

[Uniquemind]

Sounds like she may be having some family issues, or doesn't want you to think bad of her.

I would say give her a little bit of time and space, maybe a week or two - and then let her know you are available if she needs to talk about anything. She'll know that you are still interested (for real) that way. Also, a big mistake a lot of people make...if you rush to tell her that you are "there for her" quickly and repeatedly...for some people that comes off as intimidating (and irritating), and they shut down completely - especially if they have social anxiety. Give her time to work through some things mentally/emotionally and get herself into a situation where she's more open to it.

Yeah it comes off as pushy doesn't it?

Ironically, I figured out that asshole (uncaring guys) are successful in the beginning stages with girls, because they don't pester us, and leave us alone but they aren't doing it out of respect, they do it out of apathy.

*laughs* and we're just misreading the signals *laughs*

[LanaPole]

she probably got family issues. i think she likes you, but due to some unspeakable reasons she cant get in touch with you yet. you should give her some time and see how it goes

[StoppingTom]

Inquiring minds who wish to know:

We've been talking since this happened, and the other day, she sent me a long text explaining how she still isn't over her ex from September (I had no idea), how she isn't prepared to go into another relationship yet, and that she just wanted to focus on school and getting herself into a better state of mind right now. Naturally I told her that was fine, getting over things like that take time, and I appreciated her being straight up with me.

Yesterday, I drove her home after school because the late bus takes an hour to get to her house (and she lives like 5 minutes away our school transportation is such bs i swear) and she gave me a big hug when I picked her up.

Way I figure, I've still got a chance, but just need to give her time.

[Uniquemind]

Inquiring minds who wish to know:

We've been talking since this happened, and the other day, she sent me a long text explaining how she still isn't over her ex from September (I had no idea), how she isn't prepared to go into another relationship yet, and that she just wanted to focus on school and getting herself into a better state of mind right now. Naturally I told her that was fine, getting over things like that take time, and I appreciated her being straight up with me.

Yesterday, I drove her home after school because the late bus takes an hour to get to her house (and she lives like 5 minutes away our school transportation is such bs i swear) and she gave me a big hug when I picked her up.

Way I figure, I've still got a chance, but just need to give her time.

Sounds like you're playing the cards right.

Little things matter they both build things up, but also it's the little things that tear things down potentially too. Keep being supportive but respectful of the level of emotional consent she let's you go into her heart and mind.

The tone you have with her should be gentle, but strong and sturdy.

[StoppingTom]

Sounds like you're playing the cards right.

Little things matter they both build things up, but also it's the little things that tear things down potentially too. Keep being supportive but respectful of the level of emotional consent she let's you go into her heart and mind.

The tone you have with her should be gentle, but strong and sturdy.

Gentle, but strong and sturdy, I like that. Thank you.

Based on my own struggle with depression, I can tell she's dealing with it as well, so I'm not surprised that she's taking her past breakup hard, 3 months later. She's not on meds for it, so she's also partaken in some.. more illicit substances, which she wants to change as well.

[Uniquemind]

Gentle, but strong and sturdy, I like that. Thank you.

Based on my own struggle with depression, I can tell she's dealing with it as well, so I'm not surprised that she's taking her past breakup hard, 3 months later. She's not on meds for it, so she's also partaken in some.. more illicit substances, which she wants to change as well.

She may need professional help with that.

Illicit drugs is like a slippery-slope.

I recommend therapy over drugs any day, studies show it can be just as effective.

[StoppingTom]

She may need professional help with that.

Illicit drugs is like a slippery-slope.

I recommend therapy over drugs any day, studies show it can be just as effective.

Yeah, I'm thinking if it gets out of hand/she can't kick the habit on her own, talking to my psychiatrist for advice.

She was a lot worse (by her own admission) a few years ago, and her dad (who is a nice guy) is kind of a hardass and hasn't let go of those past mistakes, and doesn't know what she's doing now.