Change?

[tyberzann]

Is there a way to change your orientation or at least stop having attractions to the same sex?

[Apathy15]

I...um, I don't think so. I mean, like, you could just try your best to igonore it and live in total delusion. However that's not exactly healthy (like emotionally or psychologically)...

Why do you even want to know?

[tyberzann]

I...um, I don't think so. I mean, like, you could just try your best to igonore it and live in total delusion. However that's not exactly healthy (like emotionally or psychologically)...

Why do you even want to know?

So I am at this resigned acceptance that I am gay; however, I don't want to be. I also am not going to delude myself. Basically, my only option is being alone. So I was wondering if there is a way to change that.

[Jinglebottom]

Nope.

[Apathy15]

So I am at this resigned acceptance that I am gay; however, I don't want to be. I also am not going to delude myself. Basically, my only option is being alone. So I was wondering if there is a way to change that.

Why don't you want to be gay? Like, this is just one of (I'm sure) many things that make you you. If you're gay so what...
(Self-loathing is absolutely awful. Trust me you don't want to go there.)

[tyberzann]

Why don't you want to be gay? Like, this is just one of (I'm sure) many things that make you you. If you're gay so what...
(Self-loathing is absolutely awful. Trust me you don't want to go there.)

It's antithetical to the rest of my identity. It is one of the many things that make me, but it's such a small part and it opposes the rest of me. I've already accepted I'm gay, but the conclusion leads to a lonely life. I'm not hating myself because I'm gay, I'm wondering if there is an opportunity to avoid that conclusion.

[Elysium]

It's probably easier and less painful to change your opinions about being gay than it is to actually change being gay - and I think you'd be happier in the long run.

[SkyClad33605]

It's antithetical to the rest of my identity. It is one of the many things that make me, but it's such a small part and it opposes the rest of me. I've already accepted I'm gay, but the conclusion leads to a lonely life. I'm not hating myself because I'm gay, I'm wondering if there is an opportunity to avoid that conclusion.

What do you mean, exactly, by antithetical to the rest of your identity?

Also, is it that being gay opposes the "rest of you"* or does the "rest of you" oppose your homosexuality.

*I have no idea what this means.

[tyberzann]

What do you mean, exactly, by antithetical to the rest of your identity?

Also, is it that being gay opposes the "rest of you"* or does the "rest of you" oppose your homosexuality.

*I have no idea what this means.

"Is it being gay opposes the rest of you or does the rest of you oppose homosexuality"

It's both. I don't pursue "embracing" my homosexuality because it opposes the rest of me, yet when I have pursued embracing it, it was essentially attacking every other part of me. It doesn't really make any sense, but essentially I'm at war with myself. I can't pursue my desires as it opposes the rest of my identity, yet at the same time I its a part of me, so I have to live with it.

[SkyClad33605]

"Is it being gay opposes the rest of you or does the rest of you oppose homosexuality"

It's both. I don't pursue "embracing" my homosexuality because it opposes the rest of me, yet when I have pursued embracing it, it was essentially attacking every other part of me. It doesn't really make any sense, but essentially I'm at war with myself. I can't pursue my desires as it opposes the rest of my identity, yet at the same time I its a part of me, so I have to live with it.

So what is that identity? Break it down for me please.

[tyberzann]

So what is that identity? Break it down for me please.

That's a very deep and philosophical question there. "Who are you? What makes you, you?"

So sorry if I can't exactly break it down for you. But essentially, my identity is in Jesus Christ. It's what my identity is rooted in and there is nothing I can do to change that.

[SkyClad33605]

That's what I thought, the church thing I mean.

Look, there are a lot of people who have no problem being both gay and christian. I am not a christian so I can't help you with that aspect of it.

But I'll say this much. There are plenty of parts of the bible I'm sure you ignore, so you can just as easily ignore the small number of condemnations of homosexuality.

[tyberzann]

That's what I thought, the church thing I mean.

Look, there are a lot of people who have no problem being both gay and christian. I am not a christian so I can't help you with that aspect of it.

But I'll say this much. There are plenty of parts of the bible I'm sure you ignore, so you can just as easily ignore the small number of condemnations of homosexuality.

That's the thing, I've tried to ignore it, and I'm miserable. I can't ignore it, and if there are parts of the Bible I am ignoring, then I need to stop doing it.

The thing is not ignoring a "small number of condemnations," but ignoring something that is now a central part of your life, not only a central part, but the reason I am the person I am today.

I would have to live a more deluded life ignoring my faith than living a life ignoring I'm gay. I'm not doing either, that's why I'm asking this question.

[Apathy15]

So you can either accept that you're gay and be alone or reject your sexuality and be alone��

If your religion is the core of your existence than as long as you have that you'll be fine, you don't need anyone. I think that you have to consider what you really want. If your sexuality conflicts with your religion and your religion is more inportant than accepting yourself than why is this such an issue? You seem willing to change yourself to comply with your beliefs so (and it really hurts me to say this but) than do what you feel is best, just don't, like, "pray the gay away" or try conversion therapy because that's harmful. However, I urge you to just find peace with yourself; to allow yourself to be devout to your religion and happen to also be gay.

[Abhorrence]

No, there is no way. I have tried extremely hard to change it but it literally just results in more and more unhappiness. Deluding yourself is never going to make you happy and eventually it will be forced out of you when you realise you can't take the constant lying to everyone and yourself. You just need to try as hard as you can to accept it. See the positives in the situation, try hard to see them even if you think there are none. It is a very hard thing to do - accepting it - but I believe that once you get there you will be so much happier than trying to hide it for the rest of your life.

[Hermes]

Personally I don't believe we can change our sexual orientation, i.e. who we are attracted to. Here in the UK we had a TV programme presented by Dr Christian Jessen, who is gay, in which he tried various so-called "cures" for being gay and nothing worked. Some were quite bizarre.

Perhaps the reason some people believe it is possible is because someone who is bisexual in orientation, and by that I mean someone who has enough of an attraction to both sexes to be able to have a fulfilling sexual and romantic relationship with either sex, does have some choice over which sex he actively pursues for sex or a relationship.

Someone more towards the exremes of the Kinsey scale (for example being exclusively gay) does not have that choice. He can choose to remain celibate but that is not something to go for lightly - you are much more likely to be happy accepting your desires.

[northy]

That's the thing, I've tried to ignore it, and I'm miserable. I can't ignore it, and if there are parts of the Bible I am ignoring, then I need to stop doing it.

The thing is not ignoring a "small number of condemnations," but ignoring something that is now a central part of your life, not only a central part, but the reason I am the person I am today.

I would have to live a more deluded life ignoring my faith than living a life ignoring I'm gay. I'm not doing either, that's why I'm asking this question.
Do you wear clothes made of different fibres? The Bible condemns that.
It's no different, apart from the choice bit.
You can abstain, but we don't get a choice about who we are attracted to.

[Judean Zealot]

Is there a way to change your orientation or at least stop having attractions to the same sex?

Are you exclusively homosexual or are you bi? If you're bi I imagine you'd be able to channel your thoughts and activities to the opposite sex. That wouldn't stop you being bi, but it would allow you to pursue heterosexual relationships in good conscience.

Remember, practically no Christian denomination condemns homosexual desire, as it is usually beyond one's control. What they condemn is actually acting on those desires. So don't go bashing yourself because of your desires, try to control them (which is obviously far easier if you're bi).

To everybody else: He is not asking whether he should believe in his religion or not, so telling him to reject those beliefs is unhelpful. Whether you do or don't agree with his beliefs, try to approach this issue from the OP's PoV. After all, it's him you're trying to help.

[Magenta]

Look, there's no way to change your sexuality. It can be fluid for some people but for other it's a fixed thing. Sorry man.

If religion is the main issue, think of it this way: God fucked up so badly with Adam and Eve that he got Noah to basically re-populate the entire Earth after God basically hit the reset button. If there was so much sin in the first place, why would he then just create a bunch of sinners to hate due to who they love? And to quote about: practically every denomination condemns desire in general. It's very contradictory about the subject too. Yes, you can take a woman because she is a woman and she is yours but you must also contain your urges.

Take your faith for what it is: faith. Not some strict rulebook that is going to make you delude yourself into trying to be someone you're not. No one says you have to abandon religion to be gay. I've been in a Catholic family my entire life and I'm still gay and still think God is around somewhere. Honestly, I don't think he cares that much about what I do as long as I do it with the best of intentions at heart.

Anyway, I don't mean to go on a religious rant there. You're going to be a lot happier accepting yourself as God made you, whether his followers approve or not, than trying to change yourself not because of the god you believe in but because of what his worshippers will say. As for the Bible, it's a guide, not a book of laws. A lot is metaphor, not literal. You're not abandoning your faith by not taking it word for word.