I'm a mess

[City Kid]

I'm a real mess right now. I don't know if it's due to the fact that my depression always worsens as soon as winter approaches or if it's because I didn't have therapy this week. Probably both.
I feel like it's the same day over and over and over again. I wake up, I go to school, I feel pretty amazing as long as I'm with my friends, but I'm back to feeling horrible the instant I get home.
I hate my father and no one takes me seriously. They think I'm just a rebelling teenager. "He can't be that bad," they say. Yes, he is. I know others have it worse off, with their parents physically or emotionally abusing them, but knowing that doesn't make living with a racist, sexist, homophobic idiot any easier.
I love my mother, but... Well first she tells me to talk to her whenever I'm feeling down, but when I actually get over myself and approach her, she just snaps at me and makes me feel like it's all my fault.
I just don't wanna live in this household anymore.
To be honest, I don't know if I even wanna live at all.

[lliam]

Your life sounds horrifically to me.

As for your dad, I guess that at least your mom may see him kinda like you. But if she loves him in some incomprehensible way she also may see him in a different light as you do.

You actually just can accept it, but not change it.

As for this, I guess it's certainly the best if you leave this family, or at least gain a spatial and temporary distance to your folks, especially to your dad.


Only then worry or better just think about the sense of your life in this world or such.

All best ... allles Gute dafuer.

[Magenta]

No one has the perfect family, unfortunately. My mum when she was your age started asking for things like microwaves and kettles and dish sets for Christmas and birthdays because as soon as she had a job she was moving out with everything she had.

I've just spent three weeks away from my mother because of issues at home and we now have an intermediary coming to work something out so I can go home because moving out is just not a possibility for me right now. And I'm four years older than you so I won't go and say "well, it's time to move out" because sometimes it isn't, even when you're in a bad spot.

Have you considered asking your therapist about the option of family therapy? Or setting up a family meeting so you can express your concerns or have a third party express them for you? Just to try a very neutral and non-threatening approach. Does that sound like a possibility? Clearly they have you in therapy so it's not like they're ignoring everything altogether.