What would you say?

[Cadanance00]

Okay, this a forum for getting suggestions and feedback, right? Then I guess this is the place for this.

I was recently told that my dad who has raised me isn't my biological father, but is a man that I know slightly as a friend of my mom's. Needless to say it was a shock to me, but I've gotten over that. They all agreed that I would be told someday, and I'm free to tell him that I know. My mom told him that I was told.

What am I going to say to him other than something like "thanks for jizzing in my mom so I could exist?" What would you say? I haven't a clue.

[mod: please move, I posted this in the wrong place. tks.]

-no problem. -Emerald Dream

[Vermilion]

You don't need to say anything like that. If anything I'd say something to the man that has raised saying thank you for being a dad to me. And if it was something like your biological dad did it cos your parents could have a child together thank him for giving your parents you. I don't know the fall story so can't say anymore. Just make sure you understand everything

[Emerald Dream]

Relationships and Dating :arrow: Family and Friends

[Cadanance00]

You don't need to say anything like that. If anything I'd say something to the man that has raised saying thank you for being a dad to me. And if it was something like your biological dad did it cos your parents could have a child together thank him for giving your parents you. I don't know the fall story so can't say anymore. Just make sure you understand everything

I'm getting the full story and I've been working at understanding. I know I'm going to see him sometime as he's friends with my rents, it's just what do I say, like, "Hi, dad." I think not. Mom says his wife doesn't know about me yet - that's going to be interesting!

Also he has two girls, my half sisters now I guess, ages 6 & 8 I think. Mom says they should know about me but that's up to them. All of my siblings are half siblings. Wow we're a bunch of mongrels.

[Vermilion]

I'm getting the full story and I've been working at understanding. I know I'm going to see him sometime as he's friends with my rents, it's just what do I say, like, "Hi, dad." I think not. Mom says his wife doesn't know about me yet - that's going to be interesting!

Also he has two girls, my half sisters now I guess, ages 6 & 8 I think. Mom says they should know about me but that's up to them. All of my siblings are half siblings. Wow we're a bunch of mongrels.

You now know the true but does it matter ? I do get its a shock but why should it change ? the only difference now is you know who your biological father is. Was he your mums ex partner or a friend that helped out ?

[Zachary G]

There really isnt anything for you to say, let him do all of the talking because he will probably have a lot of questions then you can let the conversation flow from there. Its much easier that way.

[Cadanance00]

Ex partner.

Mom had no problem getting pregnant with dad, they had my sister. There just seems to be a little uncertainty who was dating who at the time she got pregnant. Jim was younger than her and didn't want a family & dad was older and did. They agreed to do it this way. Dad said in reality it isn't the first time it's been done and won't be the last.

[lacey02]

I hope you have other father figures in your life. If he wants to be your "father" he will need to act like one for a long time so you can decide to trust that... just take it easy as if meeting a stranger or new neighbor and see how he acts. I don't think you owe him anything...

[Cadanance00]

[QUOTE=lacey02;3261039]I hope you have other father figures in your life. If he wants to be your "father" he will need to act like one for a long time so you can decide to trust that... just take it easy as if meeting a stranger or new neighbor and see how he acts. I don't think you owe him anything...[/QUOT

Thanks.
I do have another father figure. My dad is the only father I've known and if anything he's gone extra to be a father to me. Come to think of it, he's the same for my sis and OB who is his stepson. I can't ask for better - oh, he has his moments, he can be impatient but he has a heart of gold.
It' good to hear that I don't owe him anything.

[Uniquemind]

Ex partner.

Mom had no problem getting pregnant with dad, they had my sister. There just seems to be a little uncertainty who was dating who at the time she got pregnant. Jim was younger than her and didn't want a family & dad was older and did. They agreed to do it this way. Dad said in reality it isn't the first time it's been done and won't be the last.

Wait I'm confused. Are you saying your parents were part of the swinger culture? You being a conscious decision of that with regards to conceiving a family?

[Cadanance00]

No. Swinger culture has a lot of negative connotations for me.

The way my dad tells it mom had a couple of FWBs. She went to a weekend concert with one and a week later my dad proposed to her & she accepted. Then later she found out she got pregnant at the concert. The other guy was 2 years younger and wasn't ready get married and have a family, my dad is 13 years older and did so they decided she would marry my dad and I would be his kid.

'Course I didn't know any of this until a few weeks ago. It was kind of a shocker.

[EmilySmith]

Does it meter?

[LanaPole]

i think nothing has to change in your life. you can let your biological father know that you know their past. maybe you could let your half sister know it as well in the future. right now you can just relax and continue with life since your biological dad's wife doesnt know about you yet. you can tell them when everyone is ready. it may bring two families closer but dont rush.