Suicide and Depression - Help

[redrider12]

Y'all -
Apologies if this isn't the right outlet for my asking, but I haven't been around as long as some.
I'm looking for some advice about a friend of mine. As the title suggests, suicide and depression are the two "classic" categories her struggle could be called. But nothing is clear-cut..
About a year ago, she experienced a loss unlike anything I hope to ever see again. One of her best friends took her life in a double suicide involving two girls, both soccer teammates and best friends at school. My friend, call her Anna, knew both of the girls very, very well. It broke her world to say the least.
In the course of the past year, it's been up and down more times than the world's worst roller coaster. I've tried to stick with her (or at least offer her help if she needs) for most of that time, but I feel like it is of no use. One week she's back to her old happy self, the next all she does is act down on everything and get pissed off at nothing. I can't even imagine what that feels like, losing two of your best friends in the world. From talking to her, I get some idea, but it doesn't even scratch the surface.
More recently, though, was the one-year anniversary of the two girls' deaths. And it's like our conversation has reached an all-time low. Every time I approach her at all, I either just get ignored or led on for a few minutes then ignored. It's been a solid week since we last really talked, and it hasn't gotten any better. I don't know if she just doesn't want to talk to anyone or she has it out for me, but I don't like it. I see the old, self-loathing her coming out. And I want to stop it.

So, you all, what say you? Do you think I'm doing the right thing by continuing to try to communicate? It's not like an OCD thing - just every few days text or snapchat or something. Or should I stop? How can I be the most help to her?

[Just JT]

Seems to me you've been a good friend, the best you can be. The thing with death loss an grief, it's unpredictable, and comes out in different way, beleive me. It fucks with you...

If you can, just roll righ it, you seem to be able to read your friend pretty well, so be there when she's needs you, and when she needs you....

I know that makes no sense, but just be aware, sheep come around


But coils also just be a growing up thing where friends don't have the same karma any more

[redrider12]

It's hard. Every single time I talk to her I tell her that if she needs help, I'll always make time for her. Usually that just gets blazed over, like I didn't even say it. I keep telling myself that one of these days she's going to come around and realize that I've been sacrificing so so so much for her.
The closest she has come to that was a few weeks ago after blowing up on me for something. She apologized for being such a pain all the time because I'm always so nice to her.
I don't do this because I have any romantic or other interest in her. I do it because I HATE seeing people in pain. I tell her every day that if there was some way for her to just shed her pain to me, if it would help her, I'd take it.
But then if I don't try to talk to her, she won't talk to me. One night at the beginning of the summer, stuff really heated up and she told me to leave her alone for a while. So I didn't text her first until school started again in September. And she never once tried to get a hold of me - she just up and forgot all about me. When I texted her again in the fall, I had to remind her who I was and why I was texting her......
sigh.....

[Just JT]

Sounds like your trying to hard. Telling someone everyday something that reminds them of the same pain they are trying to evade.....it's not helping them at all
Tbh, if your doing that, her response don't surprise me

So just back off a bit, stuff will fall back in line, and when it does, don't bring up shit, just be a friend, just be there ok?

[Bebdina]

Hey,
You are a really good friend. "Anna" can't see that because she is wrapped up dealing with grief. Has she been getting help with that? For what is worth, even if you decide today not to continue being so caring, once your friends come out of the haze she is in, she will remember your kindness.
Good for you.
Advice? Oh, I don't know... do you have any other friends that you can go to whenever she is being a beyotch with you?

[redrider12]

I have two close friends who are (or were) good friends with her. In the past, I've used them to get through to her.
Upon talking to one of them, who she viewed as her best friend, she did the same thing to them. The two closest friends she has in the world - and all she does is complain and lash out at them. They both genuinely want to help but she'd just not accepting that. She doesn't see anyone as wanting to help.
As far as professional help, she won't even talk to her parents about it. There's a lot of tension at home, too, which makes this all worse. She refuses to talk to anyone. We go to different schools, and I got so worried that I went to my counselor and he called over to her school so they were at least aware. Then she lashed out at me for getting someone involved - even though I was genuinely trying to help.