Need help ...

[Bontigo Papi .]

So, in Grade 7, I met this girl , and I liked her and stuff and we we're vibing for a bit and unfortunately she had to leave in the middle of the year, so last year, I found her on Twitter and we spoke and that's where I found out she really likes me , but I was dating another chick.

She started flirting with me and I didn't want to make her feel bad , so I flirted back... After a few weeks she sends me this long ass message about how she's not some dumb bimbo and she won't be my second choice and I tried explaining to her that its not that way, everything happened at a bad time and I really love her and she just wouldn't listen...

I want to fix things between us before its too late ... Can anyone help me ?

[justindw199]

Hey man, noticed no one else has responded to this, so I thought I'd see what I can do.

Now, this is in no way my area of expertise, but I'll try my best.

One question first...

Do you love the girl you are with right now?

[Bontigo Papi .]

Hey man, noticed no one else has responded to this, so I thought I'd see what I can do.

Now, this is in no way my area of expertise, but I'll try my best.

One question first...

Do you love the girl you are with right now?

That's the thing ...

We broke up... A while back already.

[Cadanance00]

Shouldn't be a problem then. Tell girl #1 that and don't give up. Girls like persistence.

[Just JT]

Being honest with the girl you wana talk to is important, maybe telling her you LOVE her is coming on a bit strong right now. She obviously feels like she's your "second choice"

So talk to her, make her know that's not the way stuff is, let her know how her leaving, you didn't forget her, just lost contact, didn't know you were guna meet up again, life brought you back together

Maybe just be friends first or something

[Bontigo Papi .]

Shouldn't be a problem then. Tell girl #1 that and don't give up. Girls like persistence.

Yeah, but what is she doesn't want to hear any of it. She already blocked me on BBM and Whatsapp, and she lives to far for me to just go to her...

Being honest with the girl you wana talk to is important, maybe telling her you LOVE her is coming on a bit strong right now. She obviously feels like she's your "second choice"

So talk to her, make her know that's not the way stuff is, let her know how her leaving, you didn't forget her, just lost contact, didn't know you were guna meet up again, life brought you back together

Maybe just be friends first or something

She actually should feel as if she's my second choice. It wasn't I who started flirting. It was she, and while I was dating my ex... I shouldn't feel guilty but...

[Just JT]

Well if she blocked you, you can't even talk to her, so fuck it, move on...

Seems like she doesn't wana talk to you no matter what the circumstances are, so done deal, nothing you can do unless she's willing to talk

See the thing is, in any friendship, regardless of what kind, you need to be able to communicate. If one side stops or refuses, think about it, if you peruse it anyways, say it does get "better"

What will it be like next time, or sometime in the future when there's a conflict....?

[Bontigo Papi .]

Well if she blocked you, you can't even talk to her, so fuck it, move on...

Seems like she doesn't wana talk to you no matter what the circumstances are, so done deal, nothing you can do unless she's willing to talk

See the thing is, in any friendship, regardless of what kind, you need to be able to communicate. If one side stops or refuses, think about it, if you peruse it anyways, say it does get "better"

What will it be like next time, or sometime in the future when there's a conflict....?

I don't want to move on . I worked so hard to get back into contact with her when she left my school and I don't want that to be for nothing, I love her and even though I can't have her as a girlfriend, I'd still want her as friend, a close friend.

[Uniquemind]

I don't want to move on . I worked so hard to get back into contact with her when she left my school and I don't want that to be for nothing, I love her and even though I can't have her as a girlfriend, I'd still want her as friend, a close friend.

Friendships or relationships of any sort are a 2 way street. You have no choice but to move on or be miserable. A sign of strength is to know when to fold on battles you can't win.

The fact that she's this rigid in her thinking and emotive response suggest she would've created a toxic relationship with you anyhow.

You could play the waiting game and contact her again when she matures a bit, like say she hits age 18-24 maybe try to reconnect?

Best thing is to move on though. There are ways round what's app blocks and all but I won't tell you them because it's a fruitless situation.

[Bontigo Papi .]

Friendships or relationships of any sort are a 2 way street. You have no choice but to move on or be miserable. A sign of strength is to know when to fold on battles you can't win.

The fact that she's this rigid in her thinking and emotive response suggest she would've created a toxic relationship with you anyhow.

You could play the waiting game and contact her again when she matures a bit, like say she hits age 18-24 maybe try to reconnect?

Best thing is to move on though. There are ways round what's app blocks and all but I won't tell you them because it's a fruitless situation.

She's only 14, she could not be thinking straight. Maybe she's in that stage of puberty where everything is fucked up and I could be the one to make it right, fuck, I want to be the one to make it right.

And even if I move on, there's this other girl, but she lives in Canada, so what's the use even?

[Uniquemind]

She's only 14, she could not be thinking straight. Maybe she's in that stage of puberty where everything is fucked up and I could be the one to make it right, fuck, I want to be the one to make it right.

And even if I move on, there's this other girl, but she lives in Canada, so what's the use even?

The learning curve, that's the point.

Like I said patience is a virtue and if you must try again, do it years from now when there's less immaturity here.

A huge vibe I'm getting from both her and you, is that both of you strongly associate the concept of possession, with relationships. Relationships are seen probably in her mind as absolutes of good or bad, loyal/disloyal, trust/do not trust.

That is a sign of immaturity, to me anyway, and on my personal red flag list of no-noes in potential partners.

Move on, even if you got together I see the latent potential to have ended badly anyway.

[Bontigo Papi .]

Well, I don't think I'll be doing that, but thanks anyway, maybe I'll consider it...