Racist dad and crush

[Equinox1]

My dad says some awful things about black people (I won't post them here in case they offend anyone) and tells some derogatory jokes, etc. I'm 98% sure I have a crush on this boy at school, I think about him all the time and I always tell people about him lol. The only problem is that he's mixed, I think 3/4 white and 1/4 black? I don't know what to do because other members of my family (grandparents, great-aunts and uncles) are racist too, more than my dad maybe. I don't know my crush too well, he's more of an acquaintance and I want to start talking to him more and hopefully we can become friends but I'm worried that my family is going to make stupid remarks, I really like him but I'm afraid to tell them. Usually, I'd tell my mom about my crushes but I don't know if I want to this time. I don't even see why they make such a big deal out of people's races, it's the 21st Century! I don't want to keep everything a secret, I want them to know that I have a crush but I'm afraid of what they're going to say?

[Abhorrence]

I don't quite understand why people are racist, either. I guess my mind just doesn't work the same as racist people. Maybe you could question it. Bring your parents up to date on the 21st century. Like, it would be surprising how much you can change your parents' mind with a civil conversation or debate. They're people at the end of the day, often they will accept and consider other points of view.

[Uniquemind]

I don't quite understand why people are racist, either. I guess my mind just doesn't work the same as racist people. Maybe you could question it. Bring your parents up to date on the 21st century. Like, it would be surprising how much you can change your parents' mind with a civil conversation or debate. They're people at the end of the day, often they will accept and consider other points of view.

Actually I back this piece of advice you gave, but only once you've secured enough wealth to be independently-sassy.

[SethfromMI]

that is a touch situation. while being racist is absolutely stupid, it may not be best to pursue a relationship with that individual at this time, unless you are ready to deal with any fallout which may result from it. it sucks, but you might end up putting yourself in a very bad situation

[ashdyn]

that is a touch situation. while being racist is absolutely stupid, it may not be best to pursue a relationship with that individual at this time, unless you are ready to deal with any fallout which may result from it. it sucks, but you might end up putting yourself in a very bad situation

It's a rare occourance...but I gotta disagree with Seth.

Being born and raised in the South racism is something I've grown up seeing and hearing and still do today(I actually think it's worse now than when I was growing up), which honestly makes me really sad. I've never had to deal with this in my family because we've always been really open but I have had to deal with a lot of racist people as well as seeing my friends go through similar situations.

My advice for you has to start with getting to know him more. If you want this thing to work you're going to have to be able to be open and honest with him before he ever even meets your folks. Become his friend. You're going to need to know about his life experiences, what his views are, and determine if this is something he can handle. You said he's 3/4 white so you at least have that on your side. Does he look more white or mixed? Does he "act black"? That'll matter because depending on how he looks and how he identifies himself that's a pretty good gauge to know how much racism he's faced before. Sadly, most people become desensitized to it after encountering it so often which leads them to usually handle situations more positively or more negatively. You obviously have to tell him you have a pretty racist family but you have to make it clear that that's 100% not the way you are. He'll either react positively or negatively and you'll pretty much know how to go from there.

If it gets to the point where he's gotta start coming around and meeting people make sure y'all do it as friends first. Nothing will piss your dad and family off more than just announcing that y'all see dating. Even before he meets them you gotta kinda prep them and keep dropping that you have a friend "he's white but I think he's actually mixed...mostly white though" and keep re-emphasizing that he's really nice, and funny, and pretty much anti-stereotypical "black guy". If anything you can probably get them on your side with the whole mostly white thing. When they meet him just remind them to not say anything stupid or offensive to your FRIEND and you gotta remind him that if something does go down to just brush it off no matter how bad it is. Hopefully after their first encounter they'll see that he's not a "thug" (hate that word) or "n*****" (hate that word too). He's gunna have to do his part in this too by representing the best of black culture while still being himself.

Now obviously if he's white looking and "white acting/sounding" then don't even mention that he's mixed til after your parents grow fond of him. Then when they do you can just subtly let it slip that he's actually 1/4 black...but mostly white.

This is the shittiest piece of advice but I also know a bunch of girls that date black guys and find the type they know will piss their dads or parents off the most just to piss them off and prove a point with blunt force. It never works out well. She usually ends up pregnant and her parents usually get more racist.

No matter what happens I hope your parents see the light one day. Even if it's not with this guy, don't be afraid to challenge your parents/family and their beliefs. Educate yourself on the topic so you can hit them with facts. It's also easy to beat your parents in an argument with this type of thing cause you usually know their go-to points lol good luck.

[Jordan99]

that is a touch situation. while being racist is absolutely stupid, it may not be best to pursue a relationship with that individual at this time, unless you are ready to deal with any fallout which may result from it. it sucks, but you might end up putting yourself in a very bad situation

Excellent advice from Seth