Thinking about suicide everyday

[Sammy07]

Hi.

I wasn't really sure about posting this, but I think I need to do it. I've always had depression and anxiety problems, but now it's worse than ever. I wake up every single day thinking ''Aw shit another day begins''. I have money issues, I can't even pay my credit card bill this month, this adds up to my anxiety... I've never found love, I'm all alone, I think I'm unattractive, I feel like shit. I don't have fun in life. I never smile, because I hate my smile. I don't have motivation for school, no end goal. I'm just sitting here, watching people living their beautiful lives. Getting jealous when I see that they have what I don't have. So many people have told that life gets better. Not for me. It gets worse. I don't see the point of living anymore. Sometimes I just get so fucking drunk that I forget my shitty life, and that's when I feel happy. I don't give a fuck about anything. I drink and drive, text and drive, smoke and drive, and if it kills me, then fine. I won't have to do it myself.

I don't know what to do now...

[Uniquemind]

Well you need help, but you also need to stop thinking that "life gets better" on it's own.

When people say that phrase, it's usually in the context that the person also "never gives up on themselves".

If you've given up on yourself, yet expect the former saying to come to fruition, it's not, and now you've looped your mind into irrational circular logic...which creates depression and loops you around again.

You need to break that cycle and the first step is to talk about your problems, self-analyze your behavior at a detailed level, and tweak aspects about yourself, bad habits etc.. that you wanna change.

Slowly you change one habit at a time, until the whole person is transformed.

Also almost everyone has money issues since 2008, so don't take that personally.

[Bebdina]

Hey,
I am sorry you feel alone, and this is a really good place to write about it.
How do you feel about volunteering someplace where they need lots of help?
The hospitals, soup kitchens, shelters, elderly facilities could use your help.
I have done it and it really helped me see things differently.
I hope you try it.