Worth staying friends? (friend doesn't seem to want to meet up)

[Dan1234]

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[Uniquemind]

Sorry for the long post, but the background info is probably needed

Me and this girl were really close around Christmas last year, though she led me on quite a bit, I made some silly mistakes, arguments etc and for various reasons we never ended up being together. I struggled with depression mostly because of what happened, resulting in me doing poor in my exams in the summer. We were on bad terms until about May when we became good friends again.

However, since then we've only seen each other once (in July). When I asked whether she wanted to meet for my birthday in August she dodged it. Last week she said she 'doesn't know what she'd do without me', though she didn't invite me to her birthday meal a few weeks ago where around 20 people were invited. Obviously I don't expect to be invited, but if I truly did mean that much to her surely I would've been. Her friends don't have that much of an issue with me regarding what happened between us in the past, so that's not likely to be the reason.

It's been getting me down quite a bit, and I'm beginning to wonder whether I should bother staying friends even though she means the world to me. The difference between what she's saying and what she's doing are confusing me.

What do you guys and girls think I should do? Thanks in advance :)

When you had a falling out, what exactly was said?

Repairing friendships is hard and there may still be lingering affects.


When you said she "led you on" was that on her or was the assumption on you based on vague actions by her, but you biased those actions to arrive at meaning favorable to you?

[Dan1234]

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[Pulp501]

I had something similar happen to me. I had a girl who always said she wanted to see me but never invited me and said no when I invited her. It wasn't worth trying to stay friends for me so I'd say it's not for you either.

[Uniquemind]

She said she loved me (knowing I had really strong feelings for her too), then cut me out of her life and treated me as though I didn't exist without offering a proper explanation.

Most of what was said consisted of me sending drunken texts to her basically saying "how could you do this" "You mean't the world to me" etc. The typical stuff you say when you're drunk, in love and depressed, nothing too significant.

We both forgave each-other for what we did when we became friends again so although not ideal, the past shouldn't really be an issue. When we talk on-line it's perfectly fine but whenever it comes to seeing each-other in person it just doesn't happen.

It's understandable for her to not really want to be friends after what happened between us, it's the fact that her actions don't match her words which is sorta getting me down

She's just a bad egg, and has poor communication.

I also don't drink or do drugs, but I can say never text drunk, just remember that's a weakness of yours going forward.

Best advice is to move on, all indications say she's psychologically unstable or unfit to carry on a healthy relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets in with the wrong crowd either.

She's the kind of person that will seek emotional support from you in the near future when she realizes she needs stability.

Begin distancing yourself from her now, she is toxic.

[Dan1234]

She's just a bad egg, and has poor communication.

I also don't drink or do drugs, but I can say never text drunk, just remember that's a weakness of yours going forward.

Best advice is to move on, all indications say she's psychologically unstable or unfit to carry on a healthy relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets in with the wrong crowd either.

She's the kind of person that will seek emotional support from you in the near future when she realizes she needs stability.

Begin distancing yourself from her now, she is toxic.

Thanks for the advice, some of my friends have been saying pretty much what you've said so it's interesting to hear similar from someone who I don't know.

[Uniquemind]

Thanks for the advice, some of my friends have been saying pretty much what you've said so it's interesting to hear similar from someone who I don't know.

Sounds like you have some really good real life friends.

[Dan1234]

Sounds like you have some really good real life friends.
Yeah :) It's going to be tough cutting her off because she means a lot to me and I'm not sure she is doing it consciously, but I guess it might just be for the best in the long run :(

[justindw199]

Yeah :) It's going to be tough cutting her off because she means a lot to me and I'm not sure she is doing it consciously, but I guess it might just be for the best in the long run :(

Hey man, I've been in your situation before, twice. Almost the exact the situation actually. XD

Anyways, it isn't easy getting them out of your mind, especially when you see them almost every day, having a relationship with someone else, pretending you don't exist. It hurts man, I know it does.

What I did, I just went and spent as much time as I could with my absolutely closest friend, and just talked about it with her. She would comfort me and just put me back in a good mood. Usually, she would just take my mind off it by just having fun together.

By the sound of it, you have a friend like mine that you can talk to about this, use them (not in a bad way of course! :P), and just do things to take your mind off her.

Before long, you'll get over her, just give it time.

Also, if you find yourself depressed about ANYTHING, give one of your close friends a call, don't text. Texting makes it hard to feel the emotions of the other, and it just doesn't work as well going forward. I personally despise texting, other than quick questions or conversations, I don't text about anything. I just ask to set up a time to talk on the phone or meet in person. You feel a lot better afterwards rather than texting. It probably will help your relationships as well. It will be a lot harder to get lured into those situations, and it just stops happening.

I hope this helps man,

-Justin