Opinions on "rebounds"?

[Firrion]

I dated this girl (Sophie) for a few months earlier this year. I've had longer relationships, one lasting just over 14 months. But Sophie was the first girl I legitimately think I was in love with. She broke up with me in May and I'm still struggling to get her out of my head. Recently I've started thinking I'm over her, but yesterday I saw her crying and immediately wanted to go over and comfort her. However, she was with friends so instead I just messaged her a few hours later to make sure she was okay; she didn't respond well. She thought I was creepy for asking :whoops:

I would never describe her this way but a lot of my friends are saying she's "toxic" for me and that all I need is a rebound and I'd be able to forget about her. I've never considered rebounds up until this point because it feels unfair if the other person has real feelings for me but I really want to forget about Sophie and am struggling to think of another. And it's been months, so I can't keep having little breakdowns just because she doesn't love me.

Opinions?

[Abhorrence]

Well for one it is morally wrong to use someone to get over someone, although it is extremely common. Also, for most people it actually doesn't work. The more you try to get over someone the more you subconsciously think about them and the deeper the love can become. The best thing you can do is attempt to distract yourself with anything that isn't love, or anything that could remind you of her. It is a fucking difficult thing falling out of love and it simply takes time. It sucks, I really know how you feel but you've got to be patient with it. It can take up to a year, honestly.

[Uniquemind]

I dated this girl (Sophie) for a few months earlier this year. I've had longer relationships, one lasting just over 14 months. But Sophie was the first girl I legitimately think I was in love with. She broke up with me in May and I'm still struggling to get her out of my head. Recently I've started thinking I'm over her, but yesterday I saw her crying and immediately wanted to go over and comfort her. However, she was with friends so instead I just messaged her a few hours later to make sure she was okay; she didn't respond well. She thought I was creepy for asking :whoops:

I would never describe her this way but a lot of my friends are saying she's "toxic" for me and that all I need is a rebound and I'd be able to forget about her. I've never considered rebounds up until this point because it feels unfair if the other person has real feelings for me but I really want to forget about Sophie and am struggling to think of another. And it's been months, so I can't keep having little breakdowns just because she doesn't love me.

Opinions?


I have seen what I will categorize as 3 main coping mechanisms, some of them more moral than others.

Note: this post throws morality completely out the door.

1. Promiscuity (after a bad breakup, I've seen/been the hurt person, who completely went wild, I've seen friends both male and female so this too, and sometimes they're playing a jealousy game other times they're soul searching.

I was the latter case.

2. They remain friends and have an on-again-off-again relationship, with moments both parties call "complicated" or "friends with benefits". I think this is an attempt where parties try to diminish the emotional bonds of the relationship by making it a pure physical pleasure carnal relationship....debasing it enough to the point where both can eventually move on?

Idk idk how number 2 works, all I know is it works for some, others end up creating more drama or even pregnancy/std drama.

3. They let time pass, get involved in life's other tasks other than love and sex, and have their mind dwell elsewhere. (Hobbies, movies, friends). Eventually finding someone else.


I've personally done #1 briefly, and now I am on #3. But I am in a distant relationship with someone new too.

[SillyShyGuy]

If she thinks it is creepy for you to still care about her feelings, then she is toxic. You just want to be helpful and she wants to push you back. Yes a rebound in this case would be a good idea. Now that does not mean throw yourself at anyone, unless you just want a one night stand. But you deserve to find someone who will make you happy.

[ashdyn]

It's not wrong or weird to still care about someone even after you've broken up. And it's certainly not creepy for you to want to make sure if she's ok if you saw her upset...it's actually pretty human. Shoulda just gone up and asked if she was ok tho fuck what her friends think.

Anyway, I don't really believe in the whole rebound thing. I mean there's gooking up after a breakup (doesn't usually help but still feels good lol) then there's dating someone else. I don't consider the next person I date to be a rebound because I wouldn't date someone I wasn't genuinely into. If you're not over the other girl it's pointless to make someone else suffer cause of that. Don't rush into anything. Break ups suck and sometimes it takes a while to get over but that doesn't mean blindly start dating someone else just to do it. There's nothing wrong with being single for a while.

[AutumnWinds]

i don't think it's right to use (and likely hurt) another person to try and make yourself feel better, and i think it lessens you as a person. instead, i think you ned to figure out what you can do to move past sophie. if you can't figure it out on your own, there is nothing wrong with asking a professional for help, either. you owe it to yourself to do whatever you can to be happy and healthy, you know?

I dated this girl (Sophie) for a few months earlier this year. I've had longer relationships, one lasting just over 14 months. But Sophie was the first girl I legitimately think I was in love with. She broke up with me in May and I'm still struggling to get her out of my head. Recently I've started thinking I'm over her, but yesterday I saw her crying and immediately wanted to go over and comfort her. However, she was with friends so instead I just messaged her a few hours later to make sure she was okay; she didn't respond well. She thought I was creepy for asking :whoops:

I would never describe her this way but a lot of my friends are saying she's "toxic" for me and that all I need is a rebound and I'd be able to forget about her. I've never considered rebounds up until this point because it feels unfair if the other person has real feelings for me but I really want to forget about Sophie and am struggling to think of another. And it's been months, so I can't keep having little breakdowns just because she doesn't love me.

Opinions?

[Uniquemind]

You know another way to think about it, is to think about things and events as if they weren't you.

Take as fact she broke up with you, but don't feel that it's "you" she broke up with, look at things objectively like a detective wood to figure out what's going on in her life if you're that curious.

I could play devil's advocate here, and suggest her breaking up with you might've been a twisted test to see how much you'd fight for her...(I know it's twisted but you have to consider all possibilities).


However I do not back down from the original assertion that she's messed up in the head, and therefore can only contribute baggage and add toxic personality into a relationship which in turn becomes abusive because it wasn't balanced.