Miscarriage??

[Equinox1]

This might be upsetting to some people as it's on the topic of miscarriage. I'm not posting this for attention, I'm genuinely upset and I don't know what to do...

My mom and dad have two kids -my brother and I but my mom was pregnant three times. When I was one year old, she miscarried the baby who would have been the middle child. I'm fifteen years old now, I feel upset because I always wanted to have two siblings and I like to think that I do. I have cried before but only a little bit, it's more of an empty feeling than anything else. I sort of feel like I shouldn't be sad though, I didn't miscarry the baby and I don't even remember my mom being pregnant with them. She told me when I was around ten years old but I didn't really understand death then. I want them to be alive and I don't understand why they aren't because why did it even have to happen? I wish I could talk to my parents about it but I think it still upsets them. When my mom talks about it she only says one or two sentences but I get that she wouldn't want to talk about it. I just wish that I could at least know the gender (I don't think it developed that far though :( ) or what they would've called them. I sort of wanted a sister because I already have a brother. Would it be weird to tell people that I have two siblings? If I say I do, I might have to explain what happened but if I don't then I feel like I'm erasing the baby's existence.

[Abhorrence]

I have never personally experienced this but I can somewhat understand your pain. It may be best to talk to your parents about this and explain how you feel. It may seem a little bit odd to them but they can probably empathise the best considering they have gone through the situation. Maybe you can even talk to your brother about it, siblings and family are there to help you through all kinds of emotions.

Regarding people, I'd maybe just not mention that you have two. It may be additional pain for you and it may seem like you are attention-seeking, even if you are not. Maybe only tell people that really mean something to you, just know that you can forever hold your sibling in your heart and their existence will never be erased in your mind.

[Cadanance00]

Our doc said early term miscarriages are very common. Sad but true. I think the thing to do is experience the grief and move on.

[Desuetude]

I don't understand the pain of a miscarridge but as a comparison my maternal grandparents gave birth to a stillborn and they have never said "I have 4 children" rather than "I have 3". In some ways it's worse you saying that you have another sibling because it may remind your parents of the traumatic time and if they've found out that you've been saying you have another sibling they might get angry. Also, saying you 'have' two siblings is using the wrong tense anyway. You can say I 'had' another sibling but not that you have two. I'd understand if a child died when they were older it might be a bit more difficult to get over the death but the fact that you made no actual emotional attachment to this baby but only the thought of it should make it easier to let go if you tried. I know that my grandparents stillborn was a girl so I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have an aunt as well as 2 uncles, I know that my mums life would have been tremendously differently if she was alive whilst mum was growing up and that's sad to realise because my mums childhood wasn't great.

There are so many possibilities in life and sometimes we're left with a negative outcome in some situations. I think that rather than dwelling on the sibling you could have had and imagining that they're still here you could be thankful that you have a brother and instead but all that energy into building a better bond with him. I know many people who are only children who are extremely lonely because they have nobody else. I understand that it's sad to think about the 'what ifs' that never happened but you have to move on from that eventually.

[Uniquemind]

This is such a deep question you don't even know what you asked...ugh prepare for a long post from me.


I am a very spiritual person, and when it comes to anything of topics that meld the spiritual and physical worlds together (sex, gender issues, birth, death), I have a unique perspective on it.

For all intents and purposes, I would consider you having only 1 sibling thus far for worldly affairs. (Cuz the rest of the world doesn't acknowledge the layers of the spirit world).

I feel that deep in your soul, part of you understands a deeper truth, and that's why from a gut reaction you feel like you have a missing sibling.

You can't reverse death, but whatever happen be it great or terrible happens for a reason, that's a universal fact, but if it helps you mourn it's perfectly okay to go through life secretly considering yourself to have 2 siblings total, one you've yet to meet and something to look forward to upon your own natural death one day (hopefully of old age).

That's my view on it, and in a different context I'm in a similar position because I am aware (but shouldn't be aware cuz I eavesdropped) that I should have 2 more cousins, but they were miscarried.

[Babs]

My mom had a miscarriage with her third pregnancy and it really messed her up. But I think she's comforted by the fact that had the baby lived, we wouldn't have my third oldest sibling.

It's okay to consider yourself to have two siblings. Not everyone may understand, but who you choose to tell and explain it to is entirely up to you. If it helps you to say so, then I say go for it, regardless of whether or not some people may find it weird.

[Uniquemind]

My mom had a miscarriage with her third pregnancy and it really messed her up. But I think she's comforted by the fact that had the baby lived, we wouldn't have my third oldest sibling.

It's okay to consider yourself to have two siblings. Not everyone may understand, but who you choose to tell and explain it to is entirely up to you. If it helps you to say so, then I say go for it, regardless of whether or not some people may find it weird.

Wait, if from your perspective, your saying 3rd eldest, then that means you're child #4 or onward for your mom.

That's a big family in the modern era.

[Babs]

Wait, if from your perspective, your saying 3rd eldest, then that means you're child #4 or onward for you mom.

That's a big family in the modern era.

I'm child #9, wubbalubbadubdub.

[Elysium]

You know something, I had the same experience, so to speak - my mother miscarried when I was a year old or so. Obviously I don't remember it and I've never talked to her about it. Maybe it's because I'm still an only child, but it's never impacted me like it's impacted you. I would think it a little strange if I talked to someone and they said they had more siblings than they did and then went on to explain that one was a miscarriage (unless it was a late term thing). Early term miscarriages are pretty common, unfortunately. It wasn't really much of a baby yet. I guess that's rooted in my belief system, though... Anyway, sometimes if it somehow manages to come up I'll explain that I almost had a sibling but my mother miscarried. I think that's sufficient enough - I'm an only child, but I'm still acknowledging the fact that my mother was pregnant multiple times.

[Uniquemind]

You know something, I had the same experience, so to speak - my mother miscarried when I was a year old or so. Obviously I don't remember it and I've never talked to her about it. Maybe it's because I'm still an only child, but it's never impacted me like it's impacted you. I would think it a little strange if I talked to someone and they said they had more siblings than they did and then went on to explain that one was a miscarriage (unless it was a late term thing). Early term miscarriages are pretty common, unfortunately. It wasn't really much of a baby yet. I guess that's rooted in my belief system, though... Anyway, sometimes if it somehow manages to come up I'll explain that I almost had a sibling but my mother miscarried. I think that's sufficient enough - I'm an only child, but I'm still acknowledging the fact that my mother was pregnant multiple times.


You know what's more of a mindtrip, and further cements the way I see the world regarding what is alive and what is dead, and therefore is the meaning of family or siblings?

I've said before I've had some supernatural experiences in my life, and during these curious periods, I've googled to see other people's creepy experiences.

One of the things I googled was "creepy things children have said" and it got me to a parental blog/forum, where as you read it you have mothers saying their little ones saying out of the blue:

"I had a brother/sister once, he died before we were born".

And stuff of that nature to their parents, and their parents being flabbergasted because they never told their child they were at one time a twin.

Go research it it's creepy, but it changes everything you think about what is life, when memories really start etc..