Motto

[shadyismytype]

I think I made a mistake.
That's a sentence I've said profoundly lately.
So I like this guy and he has a gf but he still flirts with me. Blah, blah, blah. I explained most of it in a previous entry. Well we got a little deeper into this "relationship" that we have. He calls it a relationship. I don't really know what to call it because I wouldn't say we're just friends but we aren't bf/gf for obvious reasons. Either way, I've been trying to get him to see how much I really like him. It's pretty clear that we have an attraction toward each other. But he wasn't making any moves in the direction I wanted him to. We had an emotional connection because we have an almost identical family situation(both our parents split, his dad got married and my mom is getting married and we were both upset about it) and we helped each other through it. It didn't seem like that was enough though, so I initiated something sexual. That was definitely my first mistake, if you don't count trying to form a relationship with a taken guy in the first place. Just to let you know, I didn't do anything without his consent and I didn't force myself onto him or anything. A while back, He asked me for a selfie in a new hat that I had bought. I told him "I have better pictures of me, but they don't have my face in them." He all but begged for me to show him. They weren't nudes. I wouldn't do that although what I sent wasn't better than that. So I sent him provocative pictures and we ended up sexting. After that almost everyday he wanted a picture. I was starting to feel like all he wanted me for was sex. Typing this makes me feel so much more guilty about everything that happened. Anyway, I was feeling the guilt of helping him practically cheat. So I gave him an ultimatum. Sort of. I told him how I was conflicted. I told him I didn't want to keep doing the things we were doing because I felt like I was being strung along. And we talked things out. He said he wanted to eventually move forward in our "relationship" (there's that word ugh). I was satisfied with knowing that but, now that I think about it, I'm not sure if he was telling the truth. I thought things would change after we established that. Well, things did change but not in the way I thought they would. He started treating me like his girlfriend. He offered me his sweater. He lingered around me more often. He got upset when I went out with my friends on Halloween instead of going out with him. Everything he did gave me bittersweet feelings. I felt giddy because he was treating me the way I wanted him to, but bitter because I knew that I was not the only one he was being special to. Then, I get the wonderful news that he's science partners with my brother. They have a project together and he came over yesterday. They did their project in my brothers room downstairs while I stayed upstairs. The whole time, he was texting me about coming down to hang out with them. I played along and even tried enticing him into coming upstairs to my room. He didn't, because he didn't want to seem suspicious. So I went downstairs and we all watched a movie. Every time my brother left the room, he would rub up and down my legs and he couldn't keep his hands off of me. Around the end of the movie I pretended to get cold so I could get a blanket. We held hands underneath the blanket for a while then he started rubbing my side and feeling me up. He only got to second base but that's still cheating. If he had come upstairs, we would have gone further but that's not what scares me. I would have done it willingly. Everything we did was cheating and I feel awful. Flirting is one thing but there's no way to take back what we did. I played into his game. I'm still playing into it. I made so many mistakes. It seems as though "I made a mistake" is my new motto, because I say it so often. I am scared to tell my friends what I did because they are already disappointed that I like him. :(

[Jcml27]

What I think you should do is tell him that, he cannot treat you like his girlfriend when he already has a girlfriend because in the end either you or his girlfriend will end up getting hurt badly and that he should tell his girlfriend that he has been disloyal and that way you will most likely feel less guilty, because if he did this while knowingly having a girlfriend then the only person you can blame is him and you honestly can't blame yourself for how you are feeling as it is him who caused you to feel this way. Hoped this helped:)

[SillyShyGuy]

I am sorry my dear, but us guys are really stupid sometimes. What did you do exactly when you initiated it? If it was something small like using your hands, then it is no big deal. But yes that is your mistake, depending on what you did. You appealed to a guy's weakness. We get horny all the time and now he knows you are willing to do things in that fashion. Sending bikini photos and stuff is another weakness of ours and that is when we start to send mature content text messages. So do not feel guilty for what you did. Feel guilty for carrying it on to that point that you think he is using you. You showed him that you can offer things like that and he wants to take advantage and see if he can get more out of that side of you. I say, either stop the kinky behavior entirely or start dating this guy. Otherwise he will continue to use you and you will make yourself guilty.

[Uniquemind]

Although I liked the above posts, I have to amend or correct a concept Jcml27 raised.


He is not guilty for making you feel a certain way.


Each individual is responsible for managing their emotions, not placing the blame on other people recusing responsibility on a 3rd party....a slight exception is mental illness but we aren't discussing that.

Also forget what you're friends say, you are attracted to him that's fine that's completely natural and your so called friends need respect your love life.

If he ends up being the real deal for you, your friends aren't gonna help you raise a family.

You need to draw a line offer him a chance to be in a relationship with you or stay with his girlfriend, he can't have both without someone getting hurt.

The only exception is if both you and the girlfriend and him have a three way conversation and everyone is cool with a 3-way or open relationship, but none of this "sneaking around" business.

Also might I add the above situation is extremely rare.

[ashdyn]

Sounds like he's taking advantage of you, or of his gf, or most likely both of y'all. You said you gave him an ultimatum....then you gotta stick to your guns. Just be up front and tell him you don't think it's right that y'all act the way you do and do the things you do when he still has a gf. You don't wanna sound all bitchy about it cause I mean you do want him to pick you lol but just let him know that's how it's going to be. Next time y'all get in a situation where it's probably gunna lead to something you gotta kill it when it starts (I KNOW... It's gunna suck and it'll be hard, but you seem to want to do the right thing). Literally just tell him "We can't because you have a gf. I don't want to be THAT girl :/ *SAD FACE*"

The alternative is continue to be the other girl...which honestly sucks for both you and his gf (you get to be a secret side piece and she gets lied to and he gets the best of both). Obviously if you go down this route there's like 15 times the potential for drama like if she finds out or he's stupid and tells her he's breaking up with her for you. Also, the longer the situation stays the way it is then the more of an unfortunate indicator it is of what kind of bf and guy he really is. It feels great and all that he makes you feel good and special but what happens when you're the gf and he does this again :/

You don't need our advice. You already know what you've done and what you need to do. You just gotta stay strong and like muster up every ounce of self control you have. I'm pullin' for ya and hope he does the right thing too (: