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View Full Version : How to deal with my mom?


thematthewad
November 6th, 2015, 04:52 AM
Sorry about the length.

I've known I was trans since April of 2012. I came out to my sister two months later, and she told my mom for me (I asked her to) a month after that. I've never directly talked to my mom about this because she really hates talking about sensitive things like this. My sisters have both talked to her about it because she feels like she can talk to them, but not me. She tells them that I "don't involve her" in the details of my transition.

I've emailed her a lot these past 3.5 years. I asked her opinion on names. No response. She said she wanted me to go to therapy before doing anything, so I asked her if she could get me a therapist. She said she would, never did. She said she wouldn't let me start hormones until I was out of public school (either by graduating, dropping out, or doing homeschooling.) I started homeschooling. Nothing. I've bought her books, sent her links to websites for parents of trans teens. I've done so much, and I don't know what else I can do. I'm starting college in less than a year. Where I live, this is about when I should start therapy if I want to be on hormones long enough for my voice to drop before college. She knows that I won't start college if I'm not on hormones. I made this perfectly clear to her. She's screwing me over.

She talks about Caitlyn Jenner, and she supports her. She supports Laverne Cox. She supports everyone but me. She's a liberal democrat. She even gets into Facebook fights with strangers over stuff like this. I can't keep doing this. I won't turn 18 until I'm a month into college, so she has control over me until then.

tldr; my mom won't support (or acknowledge) my transition, even 3.5 years after I came out. She blatantly ignores it while she supports other trans people.

Student of Magic
November 14th, 2015, 04:34 PM
I don't really know many things about trans, but I can try to help you.
I think you know that the solution is to talk with her (or your sister or someone to do that) and convince her unless she convinces herself. So, I guess, the question is: "How to convince her?".
"She knows that I won't start college if I'm not on hormones. I made this perfectly clear to her." (from this, I understand that you did talk with her)
How much did you talk with her about this (not emails or something)? If she supports other trans people, maybe she's just not sure about you yet. It might be something like she wants the best for you and doesn't want you to suffer if you do a mistake with that. Try to talk with her about this (although "she really hates talking about sensitive things like this") in a calm way (I guess you should not scream or something if she doesn't agree :D) and tell her how much this thing matters for you (that much that you don't want to start college if you don't do that) and that it's gonna make you happier.