I guess guys and girls can't always be friends

[City Kid]

So I got this friend, well, I guess he's not my friend anymore. But anyways, we met in school at the beginning of this term. At first we were getting along perfectly. But everything got really difficult when his girlfriend got involved.

She texted me via Facebook and told me to stay away from her boyfriend. Everything was a huge mess but in the end she was ok with us being friends.

But then me and him played some Saints Row IV together. I'll admit that we did play quite a lot. But when his girlfriend messaged me again, saying she didn't want me to play video games with him anymore, I still didn't get what her problem was. After all, we weren't in the same room! We didn't even talk while we were playing.

But anyways, I thought that it would be best to just do what she wanted me to, but then my friend messaged me again telling me we should just stay in touch via Steam because his girlfriend kept looking at his WhatsApp chats.

It worked for a while, but then one day I suddenly got a call from his phone. When I picked up, his girlfriend was on the phone, angrily asking what I was thinking playing video games with her boyfriend behind her back. I took the blame for my friend. I didn't tell her it was his idea. I even apologized to her even though I didn't think I really did anything wrong.

And now he blocked me on WhatsApp, Steam, Facebook, everywhere. It's just ridiculous. He could at least have fucking told me he wanted to break contact. I don't get how he can be such a coward. Why does he let his girlfriend control his entire life?!

[Benelli]

I doubt he was the one who blocked you, but he really does need to get a handle on his life instead of letting her run wild and do as she pleases. I've lost a lot of my guy friends this way. It's because his girlfriend sees things in you that she doesn't have, and sees that you have a connection with him - so she views you as a threat. There are a lot of pathetic women out there. It would be a different story if you guys were talking dirty to each other and doing things you shouldn't but just being friends and hanging out is not and shouldn't be viewed as a problem. Sadly, there is nothing you can do about it but hope that he will open his eyes and see that she is way out of line...

[Babs]

Okay, wow.

What his girlfriend is doing is absolutely not normal. She's overly controlling and that is no good. It's not that guys and girls can't be friends. Guys and girls can absolutely be friends. The problem is that she's a controlling motherfucker, and sounds like she's borderline abusive.

[Jinglebottom]

You need to find this chick and teach her a lesson. I have a ton of female friends and feel nothing romantic/sexual towards them.

[Elysium]

I am really close friends with someone who was in the same exact situation as your friend is. Satan is totally right, except I would take out the "borderline" part; that is definitely abusive behavior. I used to get so frustrated with my friend, her partner, and the whole situation; sometimes we even argued about it. It's impossibly difficult to really get into the mindset of someone who's in an abusive relationship if you haven't been in that position yourself. The best thing you can do is be patient, be supportive, and hope that they will do what needs to be done once they can.

[City Kid]

So do you guys think I did anything wrong? What should I do now?
I initially was just really mad at my friend but after reading your responses I don't know if he's the one to blame anymore...
I also talked with a few of our mutual friends about the whole thing and they all agreed that they found his girlfriend's behavior very strange.
I'd talk to my friend as well but as I said, he (or his girlfriend) blocked me on all social media and I can't talk to him in person because I'm not going to school at the moment.
I'm a little worried about when I eventually go back to school, too. It's probably gonna be pretty awkward between us when we're together all day again.

[Uniquemind]

So I got this friend, well, I guess he's not my friend anymore. But anyways, we met in school at the beginning of this term. At first we were getting along perfectly. But everything got really difficult when his girlfriend got involved.

She texted me via Facebook and told me to stay away from her boyfriend. Everything was a huge mess but in the end she was ok with us being friends.

But then me and him played some Saints Row IV together. I'll admit that we did play quite a lot. But when his girlfriend messaged me again, saying she didn't want me to play video games with him anymore, I still didn't get what her problem was. After all, we weren't in the same room! We didn't even talk while we were playing.

But anyways, I thought that it would be best to just do what she wanted me to, but then my friend messaged me again telling me we should just stay in touch via Steam because his girlfriend kept looking at his WhatsApp chats.

It worked for a while, but then one day I suddenly got a call from his phone. When I picked up, his girlfriend was on the phone, angrily asking what I was thinking playing video games with her boyfriend behind her back. I took the blame for my friend. I didn't tell her it was his idea. I even apologized to her even though I didn't think I really did anything wrong.

And now he blocked me on WhatsApp, Steam, Facebook, everywhere. It's just ridiculous. He could at least have fucking told me he wanted to break contact. I don't get how he can be such a coward. Why does he let his girlfriend control his entire life?!

Quick answer to your last sentence: He's in an abusive relationship with the female having the control, but technically not breaking any laws. In the reverse situation, men usually would've thrown a punch already, and well the law favors the female in that case.



You need to find this chick and teach her a lesson. I have a ton of female friends and feel nothing romantic/sexual towards them.

^horrible advice, this isn't your fight to fight. It's his, do not get involved. If she keeps harassing you after you provide distance from them and him, then she's involved you into the fight, and then you can take legal action to protect yourself as necessary.



P.S. I wouldn't have apologized for him, but I do think it prudent that you did verbally meaninglessly apologize to her just so she feels she has the control to minimize her lashing out at you. But also in that same vein, she now attributes blame and hate toward you because she's under the impression you went behind her back...

I'm also very suspicious of how she could've taken control of all her boyfriend's electronics and passwords and all that in order to block you. Either he gave her access to that info, or she's hacked him.

This boy is in a massive cuckhold.

Is this boy 18+ or still a minor? If he's 18+ I sure hope he hasn't let her have access to his bank account info...


--

Other dynamics: Perhaps she's being mean because as a boyfriend he is neglecting her with video games, so in an indirect way his bad habits and immaturity contribute to her upset about the nature of their relationship because she's not getting what she wants from their relationship, and this is her snapping and taking control.

But that's her/his/their problem, not yours. I'm only saying this to paint a more complete picture in your mind about what could possibly be going on since you seemed curious.

[City Kid]

I'm also very suspicious of how she could've taken control of all her boyfriend's electronics and passwords and all that in order to block you. Either he gave her access to that info, or she's hacked him.
Since her boyfriend always had to help her out with ANYTHING technology related I'm pretty sure he gave her access to his accounts. I also remember him telling me that his girlfriend got pissed when he wouldn't let her see his WhatsApp...

Is this boy 18+ or still a minor? If he's 18+ I sure hope he hasn't let her have access to his bank account info...
He's 18, but I don't think that he's been that reckless.

[Uniquemind]

Since her boyfriend always had to help her out with ANYTHING technology related I'm pretty sure he gave her access to his accounts. I also remember him telling me that his girlfriend got pissed when he wouldn't let her see his WhatsApp...


He's 18, but I don't think that he's been that reckless.

Oh well.

I assume she's 18+ as well?

Regardless this is a prime example of maturity not being something that magically hits you due to calendar age.

That relationship is toxic, with a capital T.

--

So enough about them. Where are you at with all this and losing a friend to game with?

[City Kid]

So enough about them. Where are you at with all this and losing a friend to game with?
(Sorry it took me this long to answer.)
I'm not doing that well. It's always hard to lose a friend, but right now I'm also having a pretty hard time with my mental health issues, so I'd need all the support I could get. But instead I have to deal with shit like that... It's just sad.

[Uniquemind]

You might wanna head over to the video gamer section on VT, see if you can move on and find new gaming partners.

[messyme]

His girlfriend felt something strange already, i think its better for you to back off.

[Uniquemind]

girls and boys are never friends. Someone always love the other.


I don't believe this to be true.

The Westermarck effect, does exist after all.

[phuckphace]

a lot of guys have something called "pussy-brain" that's something like a mind-controlling parasite you see in zombie/alien movies, where they almost mindlessly endure all sorts of abuse and manipulation from their partners while the non-infected around them stare in horror at the sight. the girlfriend could be Aileen Wuornos herself and most of them would probably stick around.

your friend is probably miserable with her, as most henpecked guys are, but he'll likely endure it until the day finally comes when she breaks up with him first and the spell is broken. until then there's nothing you can really do.

[Melodic]

I will agree this is signs of an abusive relationship. They will break up. My advice is to simply move on for now and be there for him when it's over and/or he needs your help.

[City Kid]

So I've got a bit of an update about the whole situation for you guys.

I've started going to school again, which means that yesterday was the first day I got to talk to the friend this thread is about again. He basically acted like nothing happened. He even made some jokes about the whole situation.

So right now, everything's pretty much back to normal again between the two of us. At least while we're in school. After school, though, we still don't really talk to each other because he has still blocked me on all social networks.

Something else has changed, too, which is that our mutual friends have been starting to worry as well. In fact, just today one of them told me that he had no clue why he hadn't broken up with his girlfriend already.

Do you guys really think there's nothing I can do except wait?

[Uniquemind]

So I've got a bit of an update about the whole situation for you guys.

I've started going to school again, which means that yesterday was the first day I got to talk to the friend this thread is about again. He basically acted like nothing happened. He even made some jokes about the whole situation.

So right now, everything's pretty much back to normal again between the two of us. At least while we're in school. After school, though, we still don't really talk to each other because he has still blocked me on all social networks.

Something else has changed, too, which is that our mutual friends have been starting to worry as well. In fact, just today one of them told me that he had no clue why he hadn't broken up with his girlfriend already.

Do you guys really think there's nothing I can do except wait?

I'm gonna sound like Rick from "Rick and Morty" with this answer...

Nothin' to do but grab a bag a popcorn and watch the drama unfold like your favorite soap opera....stay out of the loop of destruction and watch the fireworks.

Cuz it's just not your business.