Gumleaf
November 2nd, 2015, 03:58 AM
The last couple of months haven't been great at all. I'm not handling it well and it's getting to the point where I'm feeling alone, unloved and unwanted. This probably seems strange coming from someone who does have a loving family and a handful of friends. But within friends and beyond that, I feel so alone and it's getting to me. The reason that it's getting to me I think is because I've had so much rejection, just in the last year alone. I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to figure it out so I can fix it, but until then I think I have to live with rejection. I think you can only be rejected so many times before it just consumes you. I mean, at church last night I was on the welcoming roster which means I go and sit down after everyone has arrived. I asked a friend to save me a seat, but she didn't do it. I was left to sit on my own. Now, that just seems like nothing to most people. But being as messed up as I am, that comes across as people wanting to keep me away and stuff. After church last night nobody talked to me and after about five minutes of feeling awkward, I just left. I've realised that it is very rare for a friend to approach me or ask me how I am. I usually have to approach them. Again, that probably seems like nothing to most people, but to me it feels like i'm just an annoyance. I probably expect too much, I really don't know anymore? But I'm just sick of being me. There is basically no hope, and if there is, I can't sense it anymore. Every time there is a glimmer, it just fades away and becomes even more bleak. I just suck and I think everyone knows it!