I Don't Care About Life Anymore. Wondering why I should even continue to live.

[Sholgoni]

I honestly couldn't care less about life anymore. In fact, it's gotten to the point where I'm kinda looking forward to death. Mainly due to the fact that I've been ignored, bullied, rejected, and pushed aside since the 6th grade(12 years old). Now I'm 16. I was severely bullied until freshman year in high school. On top of that I had a terrible rejection from a girl in 8th grade that embarrassed me to the point of being terrified to even look at girls straight in the eyes. I tried to join the basketball team to make new friends but that didn't work. I ended up actually making the team in 8th grade but I was the worst one on the team. This led to bullying that was so bad I tried to kill myself at least once a week. I was called a bench warmer, water boy, etc. I also lost a fight which continued to feed the bullying. By this point I was the laughing stock of the school and was being made fun of almost every day. I cried and hated myself for at least a few years. But by the end of sophomore year I lost all emotions. I go to school now with a straight face and I don't talk at all. When lunch time comes around I go to the school library and do homework. When the library is closed for testing I have to either walk around for 30 min or hide in one of the bathrooms until 4th period. I hate communicating with people now. My self esteem is rock bottom and I've come to accept my rejection from society now. My family also thinks that I'm a complete failure and they think I'm not going to do anything with my life because I don't communicate with anyone, my grades are bad, and I lock myself in my room every day. I don't believe in God anymore, or any other fairy tale. I want to see a psychiatrist very bad for medication to prevent me from doing something stupid but I don't think I'll make it that long honestly. Today if you met me I would only talk to you if you spoke to me, and it would definitely be brief. Most kids can't tell that I'm suffering do to the fact that I'm self contious and hate to show my true emotions. At school I use all the will I have left to look and act as normal as possible. I never ask for help because I'm scared to. Not to mention the fact that I've lost all my motivation for anything and everything in this world. Now all I do I play video games, program apps and games occasionally, watch YouTube, and watch anime on Hulu and Netflix. Oh, I also recently started smoking weed last summer which has helped me with my depression. I know people say drugs are bad and all but honestly if it wasn't for the weed I have today I would have killed myself by now. In fact, it's the only thing I look forward to now. Whenever I smoke I feel like I'm back in elementary school when everything made sense and life was perfect. My favorite strain of marijuana Is probably Blue Dream or Grandaddy Purple, but that's not relevant. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of the bullying and ignorance of people who see it happening and not caring at all. It's so selfish. It sucks, it really does. I see it happen to other kids every day too and people still walk by, or act like it's not that big of a deal. Well..... If something does happen to me anytime soon I just want all of you that are reading this to take bullying more seriously and actually care. When you care you'll do something about it, not stand by for someone else to. Thank you for reading and sorry for it being so long. Have a good day.

[ptz7649]

think of the good things.
Yes it seems crazy, but just think back to a time when things were good. I find it so hard to believe that there's nothing that you could do that you find enjoyable, and even if there isn't, there are so many new experiences to try and hobbies or talents that you never even knew you had!
I'm sorry if that sounds crazy because it's what everyone says, but just try. I have some more relevant suggestions for now that I hope might help...

The friends you had before 6th grade? Can you get in touch with them, you can have a reunion or catch up which might make you feel more positive in that you have more people than you think on your side.

Move schools. If possible. it sounds like this would really really benefit you. I know it's not something that you can just snap your fingers and make it happen, but have a serious talk about reason ps to move with your parents.

Tell someone you trust exactly what you just wrote here. If you feel like there is no one out there, not even parents, teacher, friend, go to your local GP- (I don't know what the legal age to visit a dr unaccompanied is in the US, so you might have to check that.)

Get some help to stop the drugs. If you can, you are almost guranteed therapy and you can get help with your mental health as part of recovery. Remember, you may think that they benefit you now, but in the future, you will regret it.

Please, carry on with asking for help. One day, you will be so grateful that you made the right choice to continue, even when life sucks as bad as this.

Hope this helps, Hazel

[Uniquemind]

Here's a reason to stay alive.

Join the campaign to stop the bullying that you've endured, it's a huge societal problem, it's something that has gained national attention in the world, and you've probably seen others walk the same path you're on right now.

You need to feel that people are on you side that's all you need to know.


Say this line 10 times a day:

"I am not alone, my existence is proof I am worthy, I determine my fate, I suffer because my content of character is stronger than those who've picked on me, my grades aren't a reflection of my potential, but rather that I can't learn when I'm this upset".

Find others who are bullied like you, bond and gain strength and love from each other, and even reach out to a celebrity who has publicly said they are against bullying if you need to.

If you need to talk to the school psychologist, principle, nurse, then do so. If things get really bad there's a special phone number you can call for support.

FYI: It's scientifically proven that under negative stress you're brain has trouble learning new information. Research Dr.Robert Sapolskey's work if you don't believe me.


Hang in there, and know that we love you as fellow human beings.

[Bebdina]

Hey,
I noticed your post is a few weeks old. How are you today? Are things the same, worse or better? I hope to hear from you soon.

[soccerismylife]

I been and so has my brother and only reason I'm here is cause my older brother he went through depression and he still has it but he taught me that if you live your life with regents and keep remembering the bad things about your life you will never move on. Sometimes you just gotta move on and forget about the stuff and just look forward and keep yourself close to friends that do love you and care about you. And find a hoppy or something that helps you forget about the negative stuff for me is music and art. I love to draw and to listen music and when I really down I just grab my headphones and lock my door and draw my feelings down on paper and just release all the bad stuff.(my older brother taught me that) or if you have a friend or brother and are close talk to him tell him what's happening and why you feeling down. Helps me a lot when I down and feel like crap and hate everyone I talk to my brother and he helps me get through the hard moments in life. And like I said my older he wanted to kill himself one day and I walked in and stopped him and we just talked and we both made a promise to each other they we would loll yourself because We love each other and care and he's the reason I here still i wanted to kill myslef after I lost my best friend.