Loving Two People At Once

[JustCallMeViolet]

Okay, so I have a boyfriend, and I really like him and he is super sweet, but I also like Guy B. Guy B is also really sweet and nice and spends a lot of time with me so I like him too. I didn't really consider it cheating until me and Guy B started kissing. That's when things started getting complicated. My boyfriend has never asked me to do anything sexual with him but after a while Guy B wanted me to start giving him oral. I started doing it and it was all new to me and I felt a mix of pleasure and guilt. I want them both to be my boyfriends but I am afraid if I ask for that I might lose them, and I don't want to lose either of them. Have you ever loved to people at once? How did you handle it? Am I bad for handling this the way I have so far? How many guys would be okay with their girl having two bfs?

[JavierDolan]

Okay I'm going to be frank with you here. You need to tell your boyfriend what you're doing with Guy B. Now make no mistake here, I'm not saying that being in a relationship with 2 people at once is inherently a bad thing (some people may disagree with me, but whatever). However, I don't think it's okay to lie to your boyfriend, imagine if it were you.

I think that you should tell your boyfriend what you've been doing and just come clean, no matter how you think he'll react. What you must understand and also be prepared for if you choose to do this is the high probability of losing him.

Just my thoughts, but whatever you want to do is fine :)

[JustCallMeViolet]

Thanks for being nice with your criticism. :) I will take your advice into consideration.

[SillyShyGuy]

First of all that is cheating regardless if your intentions. Second, if you did oral just to explore then you should have asked your boyfriend why he has not tried to take things to the next level with you. I think at this point it is better to leave your current boyfriend since you are not loyal. You cannot be in love with two people, if you loved your boyfriend then you would not have cheated. I am not saying you should feel guilty, you just wanted to try something new. I broke up with one of my girlfriends before doing things with this other girl. I personally would always call things off with my current date, rather than cheat. Cheating is really low.

[ashdyn]

You're too quick to use a word as serious as love. L bombs are special (at least they should be) don't waste it by just throwing it around aimlessly.

Did guy B know you had a BF already or did you not tell him? If you didn't, that's a sign to me about how serious things really are with you're boyfriend. I mean if you're really committed to your boyfriend why are you trying to find his replacement already? You said your boyfriend isn't sexual...have you ever discussed or at least hinted to him that you're open to being sexual. Guys a lot of times don't want to feel like they're pressuring girls into sex so they don't make a move until there's like an overt signal to go for it. If guy B did knew you had a boyfriend then he either really likes you or is just a douche who thinks your easy. I hate to sound so harsh but that's usually how it is. Either way, it doesn't sound to me like what you really need at this point is a serious relationship. Find out more about yourself and what you're really looking for. Whatever you decide...before you blow the other guy again, you need to break up with your boyfriend. It's easier to deal with a break up rather than find out you've been cheated on.

[Salad_Baby]

You're too quick to use a word as serious as love. L bombs are special (at least they should be) don't waste it by just throwing it around aimlessly.

Did guy B know you had a BF already or did you not tell him? If you didn't, that's a sign to me about how serious things really are with you're boyfriend. I mean if you're really committed to your boyfriend why are you trying to find his replacement already? You said your boyfriend isn't sexual...have you ever discussed or at least hinted to him that you're open to being sexual. Guys a lot of times don't want to feel like they're pressuring girls into sex so they don't make a move until there's like an overt signal to go for it. If guy B did knew you had a boyfriend then he either really likes you or is just a douche who thinks your easy. I hate to sound so harsh but that's usually how it is. Either way, it doesn't sound to me like what you really need at this point is a serious relationship. Find out more about yourself and what you're really looking for. Whatever you decide...before you blow the other guy again, you need to break up with your boyfriend. It's easier to deal with a break up rather than find out you've been cheated on.

Completely agree with this - I'm not entirely sure why you are with your current boyfriend if you're willing to go this far with another guy. You should probably be frank with him and tell him what you've been doing, just to stop the situation before it gets worse.

Also, are you entirely sure you're actually in love with either of these guys? Are you sure it's more sexual than romantic?

[Uniquemind]

This is lusting after two people.

It's natural don't feel guilt over the attraction.


Guilt comes from knowing you aren't being honest with both boys.

You can't make anybody stay anywhere that's the life of relationships.


You also discovered you like sex, but a deeper question to ask yourself is:

What about performing sex gives you pleasure? It's healthy to know this about yourself otherwise someone might mildly brainwash, and define it for you...be it a boy or society's labels.

[Cadanance00]

I don't think people are naturally monogamous. I think your attraction to two guys is entirely normal. It's just human society that expects couples to exclude other people. Maybe it's safer and more organized that way. I'd say the only reason not to have two bfs is the complications with them over it.