Girls using Tinder to make friends

[Baconator]

I'll add some context to this. :) Good intro right?

I dated a girl in November of last year and broke up with her the September that just passed. We neutrally agreed to go our separate ways, so there was no bad blood. Went through a depression, found my way to let out my thoughts and now I feel better. I downloaded Tinder, had no luck for weeks until recently where I've had a few matches.

Now, to the topic. I don't understand why about 90% of the girls on Tinder use the app itself for "making new friends." Last time I checked Tinder was used for dating because you include your hobbies and interests, then you get feedback from Facebook that sends you people who you are connected to via mutual friends. You show your interest and chat. What I don't get is how these girls on this app use it just for making friends. Facebook is made for making friends, Tinder was obviously made to help make online dating easier and more secure.

To my experience and question. I started chatting with a few girls who liked me back. About 4 girls now to be exact. None of which state that they're only there to make friends in their bio or state it. 3 were all duds to me, meaning I thought they were attractive but later determined they were not for me. I then met this one girl who pretty much likes all of what I like, our families have the same origins of being Newfoundland, Canada, and we're only a city apart, which I don't mind driving if we were dating. We talked for two days to which she gave me her Snapchat. We didn't snap but we chatted a lot. Today she gave me her phone number so I could text her, then she gave me her full name so I could add her on Facebook. At this point my mind was going crazy, I had met this amazing girl who was attractive, into games and was interested in me because she had given me so much info.

Now earlier today after she gave me her number, we were chatting for awhile and we ended up talking about dating. She then dropped a bomb on me saying she has a crush and wants to ask him out, how she knows he likes him, blah blah blah. Right away my mood towards this girl went from, "I find her very attractive, I want to date her, I want her to be my gf" to, "Why is she still messaging me, this is pointless." Quite the mood shift, especially since I spent weeks trying to find the perfect match, found one and she liked me back.

Should I try to get her interested in me before she asks her crush, or just let loose on her (in a nice way) on how I use Tinder for dating and found our chats a waste of time and an unnecessary lead on since she never said she wanted to be friends?

Thoughts?

[Salad_Baby]

I can tell you're angry dude, but you've got to realise some things -

I wouldn't straight out tell her that her intentions are wrong - the perspective of how the app should be used is different from person to person, and in her own mind she thinks that what she's doing is acceptable, so it wouldn't be the best idea to s**t on her parade. It isn't really your place to lecture her, seeing as she's using the app in good intentions.

I personally don't think it's entirely possible for you to make her attracted to you over the internet, as a large proportion of what makes you attracted to someone is their physical behaviour, appearance and general characteristics. If she isn't attracted to you then, sorry to say, she isn't attracted to you. Many more fish in the sea. I guess if you agreed to meet up regularly it could work out.

However, on the 'bright side', it could be said that due to the fact that she didn't reveal her intentions early may reveal that she's not actually the one for you at all - who knows what else she's hiding? Maybe she even has a betraying personality? I dunno, just some thoughts.

Hope this helps, feel free to question my rambling :)

[Babs]

Dude... I know it sucks and all but don't freak out on her because she doesn't want to date you. Tbh it sounds like she decided that she is no longer interested and got out of the dating arena with you the easiest way possible.

[Melodic]

Well, I don't think there's a way to get someone interested in you. It really just happens naturally. But I wouldn't recommend leaving a potential friendship. Even though it isn't the relationship you prefer, it doesn't make it any less valuable. Plus, a lot of great relationships do start out as friendships.

[Uniquemind]

Flirting rule #1: Never portray anger to the person you're flirting with.

It makes you look like a sociopath, with a chip on your shoulder who could potentially overpower us and hurt us.

Rule #2: Be fun, light-hearted, and live-let-live. These people do the best during the beginning stages of generic flirting. When things go to the next level, then there's a slight shift in tone to the relationship, but in the beginning be light on your feet/feelings/heart.

Rule #3: You are limited in escalating or igniting a passionate romance if only done through electronic communication of text. Being able to be physically flirtatious is a major factor in starting attraction. Touch and smell are directly attached to the emotional part of a human's brain.

Attraction is highly dependent on that avenue of the nervous system, the rest is based on personality.

[Baconator]

Sorry, when I made this a few hours ago I was going on a bipolar rage-rant. I get why everyone here is so defensive. Thanks for the advice and everything :)

[Salad_Baby]

Sorry, when I made this a few hours ago I was going on a bipolar rage-rant. I get why everyone here is so defensive. Thanks for the advice and everything :)

No need to be sorry dude - I wouldn't expect anything different when something like this has happened to someone!

[Uniquemind]

Sorry, when I made this a few hours ago I was going on a bipolar rage-rant. I get why everyone here is so defensive. Thanks for the advice and everything :)

Better you vent here than leak that anger/frustration out on her.

She's sense it and distance herself from you accordingly.

My advice would be playful about it, like look at he guy, and say "oh so your into dark haired guys eh?"

Or describe his appearance and just tease her friendly but not in an accusatory way.


Also please understand that girls in large part really resent guys who get to know us but at a blunt level just want our bodies, and intend to dump us after. The flip side: "you only got to know us because your intention was sex" that's basically using us and manipulating us.

Tinder or otherwise girls rate males on how we end up feeling when around them. And there may be tests but within that period of time we categorize what that role that person will play in our lives (friend, lover, older family support figure) etc. within a couple minutes we know if a intimate romantic relationship is possible. Miss that window of opportunity and it's usually to the friend zone.

[SillyShyGuy]

So why is this Tinder thing so infamous?

[ashdyn]

Dude...that sounds like the worst possible situation to be in. I think she might have actually been looking to smash and found a nice guy to think of in a completely non-sexual way instead. If you want to be her friend then do that but I think you might have missed the dating/smashing window.

[Uniquemind]

The point of online dating is speed.


First few lines of communication should always be around:

So what are you looking for: friends/smashing/relationship/other?

Be polite but drop that question ASAP within social acceptable timing.

That's how you avoid friend zone too early or prolong the timing. Context is vastly important.

[AngelMolly]

I don't get what's wrong with just wanting to be friends? Sure, Tinder can also be used to date, but it's a nice fun way to meet new people.

[Uniquemind]

I don't get what's wrong with just wanting to be friends? Sure, Tinder can also be used to date, but it's a nice fun way to meet new people.

It's because he feels deceived and time wasted.