cccextr
October 28th, 2015, 07:09 PM
Hello! I am a sophomore in college with some issues I want to get off my chest and receive help for hopefully.
About 2 weeks ago, I got into a terrible argument with my dad over the phone. I was being pissy and so when my roommate/best friend came in he tried to hug me. Note that he hugs me literally all the time. But this time I shook him off. When he tried again, I punched him. For a brief second I thought "Oh s***" because my roommate is not someone you want to punch...but instead he just stared back at me as tears formed in his eyes. He turned to walk out of our room and in the doorway he said he's going to give me some space. In response, I yelled at him to stay the f*** away from me for a few hours. And right before I slammed the door in his face, I heard a soft "OK". Then I heard the door to our suite open. He had left.
Well, "a few hours" passed and the door to our suite opened. But it was just one of my other suitemates. Another 2 hours pass. My other suitemate returns. Another 3 hours pass. He hadn't returned. I stayed up til 2 in the morning (usually I'm in bed by 9...) and he still didn't come back.
At around 5, I got up to go to the gym. When I opened the door to my room, I found my roommate just waking up...on the couch. I asked why he didn't knock so I could let him in and all he said was "this is fine." I told him to feel free to come in. He didn't move. But an hour later when I came back, he had taken a shower and put on his clothes for the day. He was on his laptop...on the couch. Normally he sits on his bed doing whatever on his laptop until I get back. He didn't want to be in the room with me.
Now he's NEVER in the room. When he does come in, he gets what he needs before giving me a fake smile and hurrying out. He doesn't text me anymore. He comes in to our room for bed hours after I've fallen asleep. He's avoiding me like the plague.
And I miss him. I miss his hugs, his constant laughter, his jokes, his real smile. It's like he's moved away or something.
You see, I realized quite some time ago that my roommate likely loves me as more than just a best friend would. Yet he supports me, he comforts me, and even helps me woo the girls that I become interested in. He told me one night he's "probably" bisexual. But he is. I know he watches me when I get dressed. He checks me out constantly. And he doesn't just grab and rest his head on my butt "just because"...he is attracted to me. And yet he consoles it all for the sake of our friendship.
And here I am treating him like pure CRAP. I frequently would ditch him to go hang out with some girl or to go work out. He's given me money, sometimes $50-100 and I haven't paid him back once. He shares any food he buys with me and I hoard all mine in a locked chest. He is always always ALWAYS there to try and comfort me when I'm sad or pissed off. And yet there have been nights where I know he is 10 feet away from me crying silently in his bed and I do nothing about it. What the f*** is wrong with me?
PLEASE how can I fix this? He won't respond to my texts or calls and he won't stay in the room long enough for me to talk to him. I think he is pissed off at me for punching him and just hiding it. Or even worse, he is afraid of me. I have been an asshole and I even physically hurt him but I swear I love him to pieces!
Help me!
About 2 weeks ago, I got into a terrible argument with my dad over the phone. I was being pissy and so when my roommate/best friend came in he tried to hug me. Note that he hugs me literally all the time. But this time I shook him off. When he tried again, I punched him. For a brief second I thought "Oh s***" because my roommate is not someone you want to punch...but instead he just stared back at me as tears formed in his eyes. He turned to walk out of our room and in the doorway he said he's going to give me some space. In response, I yelled at him to stay the f*** away from me for a few hours. And right before I slammed the door in his face, I heard a soft "OK". Then I heard the door to our suite open. He had left.
Well, "a few hours" passed and the door to our suite opened. But it was just one of my other suitemates. Another 2 hours pass. My other suitemate returns. Another 3 hours pass. He hadn't returned. I stayed up til 2 in the morning (usually I'm in bed by 9...) and he still didn't come back.
At around 5, I got up to go to the gym. When I opened the door to my room, I found my roommate just waking up...on the couch. I asked why he didn't knock so I could let him in and all he said was "this is fine." I told him to feel free to come in. He didn't move. But an hour later when I came back, he had taken a shower and put on his clothes for the day. He was on his laptop...on the couch. Normally he sits on his bed doing whatever on his laptop until I get back. He didn't want to be in the room with me.
Now he's NEVER in the room. When he does come in, he gets what he needs before giving me a fake smile and hurrying out. He doesn't text me anymore. He comes in to our room for bed hours after I've fallen asleep. He's avoiding me like the plague.
And I miss him. I miss his hugs, his constant laughter, his jokes, his real smile. It's like he's moved away or something.
You see, I realized quite some time ago that my roommate likely loves me as more than just a best friend would. Yet he supports me, he comforts me, and even helps me woo the girls that I become interested in. He told me one night he's "probably" bisexual. But he is. I know he watches me when I get dressed. He checks me out constantly. And he doesn't just grab and rest his head on my butt "just because"...he is attracted to me. And yet he consoles it all for the sake of our friendship.
And here I am treating him like pure CRAP. I frequently would ditch him to go hang out with some girl or to go work out. He's given me money, sometimes $50-100 and I haven't paid him back once. He shares any food he buys with me and I hoard all mine in a locked chest. He is always always ALWAYS there to try and comfort me when I'm sad or pissed off. And yet there have been nights where I know he is 10 feet away from me crying silently in his bed and I do nothing about it. What the f*** is wrong with me?
PLEASE how can I fix this? He won't respond to my texts or calls and he won't stay in the room long enough for me to talk to him. I think he is pissed off at me for punching him and just hiding it. Or even worse, he is afraid of me. I have been an asshole and I even physically hurt him but I swear I love him to pieces!
Help me!