My Bestfriend and Crush, No Longer Mine

[TiorTristan]

my name is Tristan and I'm 15. I've been friends with a girl for over 3 months now and she is one of my best friends. I developed a huge crush on her, and she admitted she has/had feelings for me. She lives about an hour away, and we can only see each other about once a month. The last time we hung out we were cuddling in my room and really close and intimate. Neither of us wanted her to leave, and the next day I found out she wanted me to kiss her (Neither of us had kissed anyone). Well roughly a month passed and I got the next opportunity to see her. I went to her house for the first time, met her dad (already met her mom), made good impressions with him, etc. We went for a walk in the woods, and cuddled in her room (both of us love it). We were so close to kissing, until her dad walked in...

Anyways, I don't have the guts to kiss her and we leave to go to a haunted house with some of her friends. One of them has had a huge crush on her as well, and although she said and promised that she would be with me the entire time, she ends up spending nearly all of that time with him. At first she was spending the time with me, but he is really fucking clingy and kept trying to pull her away, pinch and punch my arm that was wrapped around her. She gives up trying to fight him and spends the time with him. So I'm freezing my ass off in line, while everyone else is hugging and I see him kiss her. This broke my heart... This ruined a night I had been looking forward to since I last saw her. This broke my trust of her, and only fueled my hatred for him. Anyways, they kissed a decent amount more throughout the night and each one felt like a direct stab to the heart. So now they are kind of/kind of not a thing. And I got out of her dad's car and into my dad's car without even her hugging me goodbye, I didn't even hear her say goodbye...

I texted her when I got home, telling her goodnight, sweet dreams, etc. She said sorry and that she felt awful, I said it was fine and lied that I had fun, I did admit I was sad and hurt. Well now, our texts feel... different, awkward, and just not the way they used to be. I used to spend hours texting her, but now they are short and I have to instigate the ones other than good morning/goodnight, etc. It used to be hundreds of texts a day, but now it's barely 25. We used to call and talk for hours until we fell asleep on the phone, that hasn't happened since... I can get over the fact her first kiss wasn't me, I can get over the fact if she dates him, but I can't get over the fact that I feel like I'm losing her. I don't want to leave her, but I don't know what to do. She's my best friend and I at least was her's.

I don't know what to do, my days feels incomplete with how it is now, and I'm on the brink of depression. I didn't do anything, and I feel like everything between us is being destroyed. Please answer this, I know this is very long, but please, I need help, I need advice. I love her so much, both romantically/friend wise, and its tearing me apart. I'm writing this at 4 AM with tears in my eyes, its effecting me this much.

[ObliviousCat]

Hello. I read everything, and in my perspective, I think it should be in your best interest to stop being romantically involved with her. That's what I would do. But, since she's your best friend, you shouldn't break off the friendship. You should express to her how much it's affecting you, and that isn't good. A functional relationship has to be built on trust and loyalty. If you don't have either of those, it probably won't work out.
That's my two cents.

But, there's an alternative. If you want to give her a second chance, give her a second chance, but do not lie to her and tell her everything is fine. You need to talk this out with her if you still want to be romantically involved with her. It does seem, from your story, that this guy was being manipulative, controlling, and could've taken advantage of her. I can't tell if she willingly kissed him back or even kissed him back at all, but perhaps she felt obligated to or maybe she even felt threatened. Ask her about it.
If you give her a second chance, and it happens again, I personally wouldn't give her another.
I think the texts aren't as consistent because of the unresolved tension. It's important that you two talk about it, whether it be in person or over the phone. I think you should call her since you won't be physically seeing her for at least another month, I assume.

[TiorTristan]

Thank you, definitely some food for thought.

[ObliviousCat]

You're welcome.

[SillyShyGuy]

I was reading this and I thought it would be a really cute love story. Then you said that this other guy kissed your friend and I took it personally because I have been in a situation like that where I was betrayed. I know exactly how you feel. You do not get to see the one you like often, the lost in trust, the awkward texts, the heart ache. First, do not blame yourself, girls try to justify cheating on you and betraying you when it was clearly their fault. I hated the guy who took my girl too, but do not blame him because she made a choice too. She chose to kiss him multiple times instead of standing by her word to spend time with you. It may hurt to hear this, but she is not the right girl for you. I would let it go and move on. The depression lasts about a month, but if she is going to break your heart in a cruel way, then you need to stop talking to her. I am sorry friend.

[ashdyn]

Right off the bat...I would have opened up a can of whoopass right there in the line. Even if you're not friends with the guy, bro code and common decency should still be respected. You obviously had staked your claim at least for that night (I hate talking about women like they're objects...SORRY GIRLS!) so it was fucked up for him to do that but there's always dbags out there. I probably wouldn't have let it get to the point where he was so much of an annoyance that she would just hang out with him out of pity though. Like I would have just been like dude chill the fuck out. You wouldn't have had to make a big scene about it at that point and he'd know you weren't just gunna roll over.

I kinda get where the girl was coming from like she just wanted him to stop acting like ass but at the same time she shouldn't have ditched you completely. I'm also a believer in that there's no such thing as an accidental kiss. So she had at least considered that before then especially cause it's like known that he likes her too. Props to her for apologizing so at least you know she cares about you tho. However, as far as dating her goes, I think the other guy has the upper hand right now especially if he lives closer and sees her a lot more and stuff. An hour is like so far when you don't drive yet.

She knows you like her and it sounds like she likes you a lot too. But at this point I'd much rather hang on to her friendship over anything else. So just let her know that you LIKE like her but that right now you really just want to be her friend more than anything else. You can always come back to trying to get something romantic going when your situations change. Don't believe any friend zone shit if you're her friend now it'll just make you her better boyfriend for later lol

I was reading this and I thought it would be a really cute love story. Then you said that this other guy kissed your friend and I took it personally because I have been in a situation like that where I was betrayed. I know exactly how you feel. You do not get to see the one you like often, the lost in trust, the awkward texts, the heart ache. First, do not blame yourself, girls try to justify cheating on you and betraying you when it was clearly their fault. I hated the guy who took my girl too, but do not blame him because she made a choice too. She chose to kiss him multiple times instead of standing by her word to spend time with you. It may hurt to hear this, but she is not the right girl for you. I would let it go and move on. The depression lasts about a month, but if she is going to break your heart in a cruel way, then you need to stop talking to her. I am sorry friend.

I get what you're saying and totally agree that she made a choice to kiss him too or at least let him kiss her but to be fair she didn't really cheat cause her and Tristan weren't/aren't exclusively dating. Sounds like she hadn't really made up her mind yet especially cause we don't know how her relationship with the dbag is. So I wouldn't slam the door on her quite yet.

[SillyShyGuy]

A kiss is not a big thing either. You can kiss hundreds of people. But would you feel different if it was more than a kiss? I always think to myself if the girl I like is willing to do that with another guy- especially in public- then what could she possibly be doing with him in private?

[TiorTristan]

About him, he lives FARTHER away from her and has actually only seen her twice. And won't be able to see her until after new years. I've been talking with her, it's improved, not where I want it. But I have let her know that I want to be her friend, that I forgive her, but it's gonna take time to mend my trust of her. His friend that was with him actually showed me sympathy and recently told me that he was at his school bragging about it.
Edit: Also, I didn't want her to feel pushed and pulled, I didn't want to treat her like a piece of meat like he was. I respect and value her, and I wanted her to make a choice. Now in hindsight I probably should've grown some balls and straight up told him to fuck off, but what can you do

[Uniquemind]

About him, he lives FARTHER away from her and has actually only seen her twice. And won't be able to see her until after new years. I've been talking with her, it's improved, not where I want it. But I have let her know that I want to be her friend, that I forgive her, but it's gonna take time to mend my trust of her. His friend that was with him actually showed me sympathy and recently told me that he was at his school bragging about it.
Edit: Also, I didn't want her to feel pushed and pulled, I didn't want to treat her like a piece of meat like he was. I respect and value her, and I wanted her to make a choice. Now in hindsight I probably should've grown some balls and straight up told him to fuck off, but what can you do

You can begin to woo her a bit, like stay friends, but drop romantic gestures on her and try to naturally transition the friendship into a sweet romance.

But you have to be in the right frame of mind to do that, and you have to get rid of the notion of importance about "being first kiss, and virgin and all that", it's gotta come from the heart about taking the person for who they are flaws and all, but also clarifying vague areas of what you expect from a partner.

Loyalty and what it means is a conversation to have in private one-on-one at the onset of a romantic relationship. Define what cheat is to both of you, and independently if that's a reasonable line each of you can cross given that LIFE will make you socialize with multiple people of different genders because of what life expects from us socially (work, school, hobbies).

Like do not draw the line or define cheating as taking another person's phone number that happens to be opposite gender...no that's unrealistic.

[TiorTristan]

A lot of progress this past few days, makes me really happy. I've been talking a lot more with her, it's been mending. 2 nights ago she asked me if I wanted to talk, of course I said yes, and we talked from 10:30 to 2 AM, and fell asleep on the phone. Confidence is being rebuilt, I'm a lot happier, life has been good. I asked her if she wanted to go ice skating next Sunday and she said yes. So something to look forward to during the school week (fuck high school). Luckily its just going to be us unless douche bag finds my address, when, and how to ice skate xD

[ashdyn]

A lot of progress this past few days, makes me really happy. I've been talking a lot more with her, it's been mending. 2 nights ago she asked me if I wanted to talk, of course I said yes, and we talked from 10:30 to 2 AM, and fell asleep on the phone. Confidence is being rebuilt, I'm a lot happier, life has been good. I asked her if she wanted to go ice skating next Sunday and she said yes. So something to look forward to during the school week (fuck high school). Luckily its just going to be us unless douche bag finds my address, when, and how to ice skate xD

Good job bro! Glad it's all starting to work out for you. Honestly, relationships are hard work and if you're able to deal with that little awkward situation and move past it the way you are then you'll be so much better and just brushing things off or working past bigger things later on when you start actually dating.

[Jinglebottom]

This thread made me realize that I'm not the most forgiving person out there... I'm pretty sure I would've told her to never speak to me again. It's one of my worse flaws but I can't help it. I'm glad it's working out for you though :)

[TiorTristan]

Thanks mate, I honestly felt I needed to do whatever to keep her in my life, and I played all the right cards. And me being forgiving, yeah, I am really forgiving when it comes to those I care about and people in general, its a strength and a weakness where I forgive people and they do the exact same thing. But when it comes to my enemies, oh I hold a grudge for a decent amount of time.

[hesaidhesaid]

Continue to be friends brother. Hardest thing to remain friends over but you never know what can happen, right? Keep holding good thoughts and have a good relationship with her and the other guy. It's good to just have them as friends. You never know when he might need you or better still when she will need you. Try not to think about what happened the other night and keep breathing. There are plenty of women out there and one evening doesn't crush the rest of your life.

Be realistic. Smile. And hold your head up high in the storm. All the best. Seriously.

[hamdan]

this actually made me cry, IDK why, anyways i really hope the best for your relationship and more

Thanks For This Emotional Thread.

[TiorTristan]

Well I found out last night that douche bag and her aren't friends anymore, he got pissed because she won't date him. Called her a slut and a whore, so yeah, he revealed his true character. She's been dropping hints about as obvious as a nuclear bomb since Friday, and if all goes as planned, this may finally end with a happy ending xD

[Uniquemind]

A kiss is not a big thing either. You can kiss hundreds of people. But would you feel different if it was more than a kiss? I always think to myself if the girl I like is willing to do that with another guy- especially in public- then what could she possibly be doing with him in private?

The problem with this way of seeing things is you overlook the variable of peer pressure and the natural tendency of a person to be submissive/passive, or dominant, as a personality trait.

Sometimes you are a victim and your going with the flow because part of you screams "huh, danger danger" during the moment.

What you see isn't always "willing" you have to be a mind reader to confirm that in a case like this.


Well I found out last night that douche bag and her aren't friends anymore, he got pissed because she won't date him. Called her a slut and a whore, so yeah, he revealed his true character. She's been dropping hints about as obvious as a nuclear bomb since Friday, and if all goes as planned, this may finally end with a happy ending xD

Prob solved then.

Keep on building that relationship then and let any build up stress you felt earlier go.

Cease her open invitations with playful ones of your own though.

[dysterian]

I feel you bro. I like a girl very badly. I always see her and her boyfriend talk and just look at each other in that way. It drives me insane. I remember in gym class, we did a thing where we layed down on a giant mat. There was about 75 of us on the mat. Anyway, I layed down next to her. We were supposed to stay as still as possible, and lay and look at the ceiling. I went to sit by my friend on the left side of me. And guess who was on the right side? We looked at each other the entire time. I couldn't stop looking at her. But it wasn't in an awkward way. I just loved to look at her so much. I'm just so attracted to her. I don't know how long her relationship with her current boyfriend will last. But if it lasts any longer I don't know what I will do. I like her so much. Somebody please help me.

[TiorTristan]

Welp, today is the day. I'm really excited and she actually asked me to kiss her last night. It was really cute because we were talking and she said she had something to tell me but was too embarrassed. So she texted me that she wanted to kiss me.

[TiorTristan]

Holy shit. I am SOOOO happy. I'm not gonna go huge into details. But anyways, after we came back to my house after ice skating, we ended up down in the living room and I asked her to slow dance with me. I put on the acoustic version of our song, Thunder, and its a pretty typical slow dance with her right up against me, laying out heads on each others shoulders. Then right on the last phrase, I pull back a bit, look her in the eyes. And right before the last chord, I lean in and kiss her. We kiss through the last chord and 10 seconds of the next song and it was honestly super romantic. Afterwards, we sit down on the couch, I kiss her cheek. She looks at me, smiles, and says "finally". Kissed her two more times. So yep, I'm really fucking happy.

[Uniquemind]

That's how you do it.

Nerves, but smooth confidence was key was it not?


Now comes the conversations about limits, emotional boundaries, I assume closed relationship, and clear communication stuffs, including sexual boundaries and health tests and comfort levels.

Let it flow naturally but make sure those talks are in the game plan, including an agreed upon definition of what cheating is.

Or are you in a FWB situation, and be clear of what you want, not just passive of what she wants.


P.s. The title of this thread no longer fits the present situation.

[Jinglebottom]

That's awesome! I'm happy for you. :)

[TiorTristan]

That's how you do it.

Nerves, but smooth confidence was key was it not?


Now comes the conversations about limits, emotional boundaries, I assume closed relationship, and clear communication stuffs, including sexual boundaries and health tests and comfort levels.

Let it flow naturally but make sure those talks are in the game plan, including an agreed upon definition of what cheating is.

Or are you in a FWB situation, and be clear of what you want, not just passive of what she wants.


P.s. The title of this thread no longer fits the present situation.

Oh yeah, very much so, I was extremely nervous looking into her eyes, my mind racing at a million miles per hour. But in the end, just do it won out. I leaned in, she closed her eyes and tilted her head and it happened.

I haven't asked her out yet, but she said that if and when I did, she would say yes of course. We pretty much have had those talks when we were just friends, what we thought cheating was, how far we could go in a relationship sex wise, and everything else.
P.s. I've been looking for that, how do I do that?

[Uniquemind]

Oh yeah, very much so, I was extremely nervous looking into her eyes, my mind racing at a million miles per hour. But in the end, just do it won out. I leaned in, she closed her eyes and tilted her head and it happened.

I haven't asked her out yet, but she said that if and when I did, she would say yes of course. We pretty much have had those talks when we were just friends, what we thought cheating was, how far we could go in a relationship sex wise, and everything else.
P.s. I've been looking for that, how do I do that?

I don't get what you're asking for in your "P.S." please clarify. (PM if you can)

Also that's good, you got farther in those conversations than most people communicate in the beginning stages before all of this happened. Most of the time I notice people dodge the question and run off, play social-power games, or get played. Glad this wasn't that situation.

Did you ever ask her in retrospect what was going through her mind, in the events that are described in the beginning of this thread? Does she even understand her own decision process of why she choose to hang out with the other guy in the first place, did she feel peer pressure into hanging out with him or was she honestly deceived by the other guy who showed his true colors?

[TiorTristan]

I don't get what you're asking for in your "P.S." please clarify. (PM if you can)
Sorry, I was talking about changing the title to be more relevant to the current situation and how to do that.

I never asked her directly what she felt but I've gathered a lot about it this past two weeks, she feels really guilty about it. She's guilty about going against her word and kissing him right in front of me. She saw how much it hurt me. She saw the hurt in my eyes even though I kept a level head and lied (she can read me way too well). I also found out she wanted me to kiss her that day, but obviously at the time I didn't. She said she didn't know why she kissed him, or let him kiss her. Just that it felt right in the moment and incredibly wrong as soon as I left.

One thing that stands out though is that she said she loved how I kissed her. Soft, meaningful, long, and lovingly. Not aggressive, but not submissive. If that means anything, which it seems it does, give me some sense out it.

Douche bag was also let back in the group chat with me, her, and her friends after annoying the fuck out of her to forgive him. We were at first just going to keep everything on the down-low, on my recommendation, but she was so happy she had to tell one of her friends. At first she thought we were joking, but of course, we weren't. We decided it was best to tell douche bag we kissed and are now a thing. My reasoning being I don't care how much I hate him, I don't want him to feel how I felt two weeks ago. Her reasoning is roughly along the lines of he doesn't want him to get worse than he already is towards me, possibly to the point of violence. He fucking hates me, he's jealous that I've been seeing her way more often then he does, and that there is obvious flirting/chemistry between a guy that came in 3 months ago and the girl he has been trying to swoon for a year. Should I not be keeping it a secret, not for revenge purposes, but just for her and to an extent him?

[Uniquemind]

Sorry, I was talking about changing the title to be more relevant to the current situation and how to do that.

I never asked her directly what she felt but I've gathered a lot about it this past two weeks, she feels really guilty about it. She's guilty about going against her word and kissing him right in front of me. She saw how much it hurt me. She saw the hurt in my eyes even though I kept a level head and lied (she can read me way too well). I also found out she wanted me to kiss her that day, but obviously at the time I didn't. She said she didn't know why she kissed him, or let him kiss her. Just that it felt right in the moment and incredibly wrong as soon as I left.

One thing that stands out though is that she said she loved how I kissed her. Soft, meaningful, long, and lovingly. Not aggressive, but not submissive. If that means anything, which it seems it does, give me some sense out it.

Douche bag was also let back in the group chat with me, her, and her friends after annoying the fuck out of her to forgive him. We were at first just going to keep everything on the down-low, on my recommendation, but she was so happy she had to tell one of her friends. At first she thought we were joking, but of course, we weren't. We decided it was best to tell douche bag we kissed and are now a thing. My reasoning being I don't care how much I hate him, I don't want him to feel how I felt two weeks ago. Her reasoning is roughly along the lines of he doesn't want him to get worse than he already is towards me, possibly to the point of violence. He fucking hates me, he's jealous that I've been seeing her way more often then he does, and that there is obvious flirting/chemistry between a guy that came in 3 months ago and the girl he has been trying to swoon for a year. Should I not be keeping it a secret, not for revenge purposes, but just for her and to an extent him?


Assuming he isn't a sociopath, and/or psychopath, you should be okay.

But politeness is a problem.

In love triangles expect the worst, compensate, and hope for the best.

Ask your girl friend's friends for support and actually work as a team with her to create a social environment where you and her can feel safe.


Also do NOT tease or humiliate him, and follow the law to the T, regarding self-defense.

--

Don't think you can change thread title. Just end this one and start a new thread. Reguest a thread lock and resume the conversation in a new thread with an appropriate title is what I would do.


Also last protip: You prevailed in-part by keeping a level head and NOT melting down like this guy obviously is.

And worse, it sounds like he's a clinger. Girls hate that, makes us feel like any history they had with us was a leverage tool to guilt us into a relationship.

Attraction never starts based on a foundation of guilt....Stockholm syndrome yes; healthy relationship no.

[TiorTristan]

Ok, so we agreed to tell douche bag, and she decided to tell him without me and he took it really hard. Like really. He got pissed at her and super pissed at me. He made her cry which that is one of my instant "I'm gonna kill this motherfucker" things. He left every group chat I was in, blocked me, unfriended me, and said he doesn't want her ever hanging out with me again. He got to the point of him practically demanding it never happened again and she responded with something that made me really proud. "Your opinion on him, and if you want me to hang out with him doesn't matter to me... you do NOT own me" She's at the point where she is crying and I feel awful. He claimed he had no idea I had any feelings for her, which is absolute bullshit, and that she had any for me. He said he was going to come to my house and hurt me, but she said "If you so much as touch him I will personally castrate you." I'm in the group chat with her and her friends talking about what the hell was going on, and I honestly felt bad... And that the only way to keep this from going any farther was to personally apologize. So I did, I wanted to just tell him to fuck off, because of what he did. But I told her to message him that I was sorry, and I just talked to him, I said I wasn't sorry for kissing her, or that she has feelings for me, but that I was sorry he was the one that got hurt this time. So finally, things are relatively resolved, but I still think he's hurt. I may be able to see her Sunday, but that's not decided yet.

[Uniquemind]

Ok, so we agreed to tell douche bag, and she decided to tell him without me and he took it really hard. Like really. He got pissed at her and super pissed at me. He made her cry which that is one of my instant "I'm gonna kill this motherfucker" things. He left every group chat I was in, blocked me, unfriended me, and said he doesn't want her ever hanging out with me again. He got to the point of him practically demanding it never happened again and she responded with something that made me really proud. "Your opinion on him, and if you want me to hang out with him doesn't matter to me... you do NOT own me" She's at the point where she is crying and I feel awful. He claimed he had no idea I had any feelings for her, which is absolute bullshit, and that she had any for me. He said he was going to come to my house and hurt me, but she said "If you so much as touch him I will personally castrate you." I'm in the group chat with her and her friends talking about what the hell was going on, and I honestly felt bad... And that the only way to keep this from going any farther was to personally apologize. So I did, I wanted to just tell him to fuck off, because of what he did. But I told her to message him that I was sorry, and I just talked to him, I said I wasn't sorry for kissing her, or that she has feelings for me, but that I was sorry he was the one that got hurt this time. So finally, things are relatively resolved, but I still think he's hurt. I may be able to see her Sunday, but that's not decided yet.

You've done all you could.

Just take extra special caution NOT to do public displays of affection when he's around.

He's in a bad psychological state, and since he's already crossed the line of verbally threatening to hurt you in order to make both of you feel pain.

Even if someone seems to simmer down, sometimes that means, their close to acting on it.

Lay low, (both of you), and stay protected within your social network.

If need be get the law enforcement involved and do NOT personally castrate him. You or her, need to stay on the right side of the law at all times in this.

Hopefully in time this will blow over, and fade when he grows up.

But apparently he's still a butthurt little boy fixated on a female out of reach, like an overpriced toy he couldn't afford. This is the tantrum phase. (Don't repeat this to him I'm just telling you a metaphor of what is behavior is).


A real man in his situation should always say, "does he treat you well and make you happy? If so I can live with that. And if he ever treats you badly, you know who to call."

But he didn't do that.


--
Either way put as much distance between yourselves and him.

If you aren't with your girl, stay close to other friends, and do not go out alone.

That goes for both you and her.


If things escalate it may require you to stay off social media since threats and bullying have occurred that way.

[TiorTristan]

xD obviously she is not going to actually remove his balls. I highly doubt this will escalate to the point of violence.
And with the whole "does he treat you well and make you happy." I pretty much asked her that two weeks ago the night when they kissed when I got home. At first she thought that it was just to make her feel guilty, but I was personally asking her if she felt that way. That as long as he made her happy, and wanted to be with him, I was fine.

He acts like I did the worst offense in the book, and punching and pinching my arm and pulling her away was, and then kissing her when she didn't want him to is SOOO much better than kissing her after she said she wanted me to, when she had no romantic connection with him. And that he had "no idea" we liked each other.

She stated it best, "Your opinion on him, and if you want me to hang out with him doesn't matter to me... you do NOT own me" He is way too possessive of a her, with things he has no right to control.

[Uniquemind]

xD obviously she is not going to actually remove his balls. I highly doubt this will escalate to the point of violence.
And with the whole "does he treat you well and make you happy." I pretty much asked her that two weeks ago the night when they kissed when I got home. At first she thought that it was just to make her feel guilty, but I was personally asking her if she felt that way. That as long as he made her happy, and wanted to be with him, I was fine.

He acts like I did the worst offense in the book, and punching and pinching my arm and pulling her away was, and then kissing her when she didn't want him to is SOOO much better than kissing her after she said she wanted me to, when she had no romantic connection with him. And that he had "no idea" we liked each other.

She stated it best, "Your opinion on him, and if you want me to hang out with him doesn't matter to me... you do NOT own me" He is way too possessive of a her, with things he has no right to control.


Hopefully those words of her's got through to him.

But what I am saying to you, is that he is emotional.

In ALL cases where violence has happened, it's always been emotions, not logic which is what her comment is based on, driving the dramatic actions.

I'm telling you, not necessarily because it's right, but because it's wise, to take cautionary actions.

[TiorTristan]

3 months later, and what has changed? We broke up 3 weeks ago mutually, or at least I hope so, due to long distance issues. We are still close friends as before so no harm between us, she says she has a crush on someone and that's fine with me and I like 2 or 3 girls but she doesn't know yet (my school mates know because stuff comes out when playing Xbox at 4 AM). I'm really happy that bridges weren't burned and either of us weren't hurt. But reading this thread again, I remember how hurt I was during some of this crap and how happy I was at other times. It really was an emotional roller coaster with her unfortunately. But now ladies, gents, and everyone else, thank you for your advise when I needed it.

Edit: Forgot she also invited me to see Panic! in 2 months so that's awesome

[Uniquemind]

3 months later, and what has changed? We broke up 3 weeks ago mutually, or at least I hope so, due to long distance issues. We are still close friends as before so no harm between us, she says she has a crush on someone and that's fine with me and I like 2 or 3 girls but she doesn't know yet (my school mates know because stuff comes out when playing Xbox at 4 AM). I'm really happy that bridges weren't burned and either of us weren't hurt. But reading this thread again, I remember how hurt I was during some of this crap and how happy I was at other times. It really was an emotional roller coaster with her unfortunately. But now ladies, gents, and everyone else, thank you for your advise when I needed it.

Edit: Forgot she also invited me to see Panic! in 2 months so that's awesome

Thanks for the update, but yeah this was quite a learning experience for you, and I guess as outside parties for us advice givers too.


You did such a great job keeping us posted, and explaining the narrative details of actions and of your internal emotions and her responses that I want to ask you something.

You don't have that many posts here, but I want to know if you wouldn't mind allowing me or other VT posters here to reference your (this thread) to future posters who are suffering from the same or similar issues you did.

This is without a doubt one of the most positive threads in relationships and dating (probably also qualifies as family and friends too) I've ever seen here.

Also I hope you post here more often, I really did enjoy our conversations, and I feel all of this has made us both wiser and (for lack of a better word) "refreshed", despite you not having the Disney's idea of happily ever after.


Emerald Dream
Abhorrence City Kid Living For Love

Can this be done?

[Living For Love]

I don't see why not, if the main objective is helping other people with similar problems, then go for it. :)

[TiorTristan]

Of course, probably one of my most weird experiences to date and if it can help other people through similar situations, I'm all for it. It may not have been that "Disney happy ending" but I believe it's the perfect happy ending for me. She's still one of my best friend's and I don't regret meeting her, I didn't loose her like I thought I would 4 months ago when I started this thread. I still deeply care about and love her, but for reasons other than romantic. And the breakup was smooth and without hurt, it felt the right thing to do. It could of ended much worse. It feels weird to know this was I who wrote these, like I'm not the same person I was, I have definitely grown.

I also just realized for the first time in 3 months that douchebag's friend owes me $20, well I'm probably not getting that back xD

[Uniquemind]

Of course, probably one of my most weird experiences to date and if it can help other people through similar situations, I'm all for it. It may not have been that "Disney happy ending" but I believe it's the perfect happy ending for me. She's still one of my best friend's and I don't regret meeting her, I didn't loose her like I thought I would 4 months ago when I started this thread. I still deeply care about and love her, but for reasons other than romantic. And the breakup was smooth and without hurt, it felt the right thing to do. It could of ended much worse. It feels weird to know this was I who wrote these, like I'm not the same person I was, I have definitely grown.

You have what I say, experienced a small personal death, and have been reborn anew.

It's a kind of maturity I don't think just comes with age either, it comes by the process of doing and experiencing and really listening to oneself, and filtering out what is beneficial and what is harmful in each interpretation of the human experience as well as acknowledging what you cannot control.

(Like that other guy, tried to, and may not have been self-aware of how control was important to him, that he starts to hurt his partner and therefore can no longer meet the requirements of what it means to love.



For a second there you almost missed this boat too, because the emotions blinded you and it took the advice we gave you to kinda center yourself. Luckily you heard us, through the fog.

[TiorTristan]

Just gonna put this here because I don't want to start a new thread but I was asked to prom by one of the girls I have a crush on. I think she likes me, definitely leaning towards yes because she asked me a month and a half in advance and we've been flirting for a few weeks.

Other than that, life has been really good, I've been happy. I also get to see her for the first time since we broke up this weekend. I don't think it will be awkward because of how our texting has been this past month but you never know.

[Uniquemind]

Just gonna put this here because I don't want to start a new thread but I was asked to prom by one of the girls I have a crush on. I think she likes me, definitely leaning towards yes because she asked me a month and a half in advance and we've been flirting for a few weeks.

Other than that, life has been really good, I've been happy. I also get to see her for the first time since we broke up this weekend. I don't think it will be awkward because of how our texting has been this past month but you never know.

New crush new girl? I wouldn't keep her hanging especially since she asked you.