Jackr117
October 13th, 2015, 04:59 PM
Hello again, I'm back with.. Well I need a friend, desperately.... I feel like I have no one.. I have my family but I have a fake smile 90% of the time when I'm with them. So this breakdown started when I met this girl over the Internet about 30 minutes ago, I know didn't know her for long but she was really nice and gorgeous, we talked and had a lot in common. Both loved metal and video games.. It was all going well until.. Well she asked to see what I looked like... I panic as I HATE the way I look... Everything from my eyes to my legs, I suck... So I spent 10 minutes trying to get a good picture of myself.. Hating everyone of them.. Until I finally send one.. She read the message with the picture.. I waited for a good 5 minutes... No response.. I sent another and it went through but to the point where it was visible that she had blocked me.. This crushed me... I said to myself.. It's happened again... I been rejected or being treated like I'm not wanted at all. I waited to see if my message was maybe taking a while to go through but it was evident that she had indeed blocked me.. Why? Because of the way I look??? I understand that everyone may not find me attractive but too shoot me down like that? To leave me in the dirt like.. Like some sort of dog?.. I want someone... Not even as a girlfriend... Just as a friend.. Someone to hang out with and talk to.. Is that too much to ask? To just have someone to even go out for a drink or play sports? Because I don't think so.. And don't get me wrong I wouldn't have wanted to get to know her better.. How you ask? Because she is fake, I want real friends, real people to cheer me up.. To pick me up when I'm down.. But I don't have that... All I have is my room... My conscience picking away at me... I feel like I'm going insane... Like my brain is turning on me.. Why me?.. And for anyone reading this, thankfully I am not suicidal... Just to save the question or panic. I really don't know what to do right now... I should maybe stay off the internet trying to meet people.. Make something of myself.. I don't know, I guess this is me just rambling, maybe I have a mental disorder... I don't know.. But what I do know is that my life sucks... I don't want to be a 'cool' kid who's out partying every weekend and who smokes weed etc, I just.. Want.. Someone.. To love me for who I am.. Not for what I look like or for what I dress like... For me, that's all I want.. Please I'm not even religious.. But right now I need a miracle.. Some hope for the future.. Just something. Thanks for reading I guess.. I appreciate it.