Finding the one

[Aventzger]

Hey everyone,

I've been a couple of rs before and tbh it was the girl that asked me to have a rs. After being single for about 2 years now, I feel extremely lonely because I want to try to find a girl that I like. But it always seems that I never find one. The heartbreaking thing is that I have a lot of friends that are girls and they either are interested in other guys or are already attached. It makes me feel so horrible and unwanted.
I've been the third wheel for god knows how many of my friends who are in a rs. I try my best to take it positively but it can only last so long.
I really don't know what to do. I've told myself time and again not to be desperate but it's already 2 years and I can't help but be desperate.

[Melodic]

I'm on the same boat as you. I just ended a relationship a year ago. It's really hard on me as well because I've been in a relationship on and off with one of the same two guys since I was 13. And even when I wasn't in one, I was always talking to a guy at least.

You know what's helped me with this. Building myself. I've been focusing on my future and trying to find out who I am. I finally feel happier that I'm more focused on myself than another person for once.

[SillyShyGuy]

Hey everyone,

I've been a couple of rs before and tbh it was the girl that asked me to have a rs. After being single for about 2 years now, I feel extremely lonely because I want to try to find a girl that I like. But it always seems that I never find one. The heartbreaking thing is that I have a lot of friends that are girls and they either are interested in other guys or are already attached. It makes me feel so horrible and unwanted.
I've been the third wheel for god knows how many of my friends who are in a rs. I try my best to take it positively but it can only last so long.
I really don't know what to do. I've told myself time and again not to be desperate but it's already 2 years and I can't help but be desperate.

I have no clue what "rs" means. Try not using acronyms. But hey third wheeling is fun. I think of myself as Harry Potter third wheeling with Ron and Hermione when I third wheel. I spent the last two years of high school sitting at an all-girls table. Except for my friend Noe. I learned things about girls no guy should know and I use it to my advantage because I know what girls want and look for. If you feel you are trapped in the Friendzone then branch out of your group to find a girl. My crush for 4 years was in my circle of friends and it was awful knowing we never dated. You could be that guy, or you can get yourself out there. Find that special someone. :)

[Aventzger]

I have no clue what "rs" means. Try not using acronyms. But hey third wheeling is fun. I think of myself as Harry Potter third wheeling with Ron and Hermione when I third wheel. I spent the last two years of high school sitting at an all-girls table. Except for my friend Noe. I learned things about girls no guy should know and I use it to my advantage because I know what girls want and look for. If you feel you are trapped in the Friendzone then branch out of your group to find a girl. My crush for 4 years was in my circle of friends and it was awful knowing we never dated. You could be that guy, or you can get yourself out there. Find that special someone. :)


Oh, sorry! Rs means Relationship! Thanks for your advice!

[SillyShyGuy]

Oh okay. Sure, you are welcome buddy. I hope you find a girl that likes you

[Aventzger]

I'm on the same boat as you. I just ended a relationship a year ago. It's really hard on me as well because I've been in a relationship on and off with one of the same two guys since I was 13. And even when I wasn't in one, I was always talking to a guy at least.

You know what's helped me with this. Building myself. I've been focusing on my future and trying to find out who I am. I finally feel happier that I'm more focused on myself than another person for once.


Thanks for your advice! I've been lately trying to distract myself with my hobby of photography/filmmaking but school has being talking a toll and I have less time to do my hobbies. :/

[SillyShyGuy]

I know it is hard. But believe me, it is far better to be on your own than to be with someone who does not put in effort into the relationship or makes you miserable.

[kenoloor]

I'm on the same boat as you. I just ended a relationship a year ago. It's really hard on me as well because I've been in a relationship on and off with one of the same two guys since I was 13. And even when I wasn't in one, I was always talking to a guy at least.

You know what's helped me with this. Building myself. I've been focusing on my future and trying to find out who I am. I finally feel happier that I'm more focused on myself than another person for once.

+1 to this. i spent a LOT of years pining for a relationship, and didn't realize until after a number of boring, stagnant, horrible relationships ended after the fact that i was pining for the wrong thing. so now i feel almost responsible for spreading this message out to everyone i can: you do not need to be in a relationship to be a person. this is fuckin important, y'all. i talk about self-actualising a lot these days (not necessarily around vt, but in my life in general), and you can't do that if you just spend your time with other people / pining for relationships.

to be frank, i would argue that if you're "desperate" (to use your word), that indicates to me that you shouldn't be in a relationship. if you don't feel comfortable being single, maybe you should examine that and work on what makes you uncomfortable, rather than finding a band-aid for that issue which will inevitably pop up again.

that's not to say that relationships can't help you self-actualise; i believe quite the contrary. BUT, a solid amount of self-actualising / developing needs to be done by yourself with yourself. best of luck.

[DoodleSnap]

I'm on the same boat as you. I just ended a relationship a year ago. It's really hard on me as well because I've been in a relationship on and off with one of the same two guys since I was 13. And even when I wasn't in one, I was always talking to a guy at least.

You know what's helped me with this. Building myself. I've been focusing on my future and trying to find out who I am. I finally feel happier that I'm more focused on myself than another person for once.

This is great advice - work on who you want to be, working out what your identity is, where you sit in the great big world.

Trying to force a relationship is difficult, and I am a strong proponent of letting things work themselves out. Try and open yourself up to more possibilities, meet new people, just see where the wind takes you. You will find someone who likes you, just for being you one day. It just takes honesty and the will to meet new people and try new things.

Good luck.