2 things this time.

[Professional Russian]

I feel like I've been using this forum alot in the recent months...anyways I need 2 things. The first one is the little sister I never had has been getting alot of shit at school recently and I want to tell her something to make her feel better but I'm not quite sure what to say. Like I want to say "its highschool. People are going to go for your weaknesses and if they know you're insecure about your body they're going to take advantage of that. If they know you're a good girl they're going to call you a slut and whore to try to get tto you. The best thing I can tell you is to ignore them because if you let it get to you ytheyll never stop" I want to say something like that but I want it to sound good and actually be helpful instead of the cliche speech. And the 2nd thing, anither friend of mines grandmother just died and I want to help her as much as I can. She suffers from depression and has a bad cutting habit and has attempted suicide multiple times and I don't want any of that to happen to her because she's a very good friend of mine. I want to help her through this but I've never had to deal with a close family members death like this and don't know what to do. Any help one of ore both of those problems would be very much appreciated, thanks in advance

[Legoboy]

With the death thing depends how old she is and stuff. My experience was I had a lot of people saying stuff at Church and so on, but really no one actually does anything that changes it which stupid as it sounds made me angry at everyone who was trying to be nice to me and of course you can't change it (this was quite a few years ago now).

My view is you can't say any magic words because whatever you say if people are really sad theres a chance they'll react badly or react ok you can't predict it.

So my advice is reach out but be ready to get slapped down, but don't let that stop you reaching out again. Don't be pushy but don't give up.

[Professional Russian]

With the death thing depends how old she is and stuff. My experience was I had a lot of people saying stuff at Church and so on, but really no one actually does anything that changes it which stupid as it sounds made me angry at everyone who was trying to be nice to me and of course you can't change it (this was quite a few years ago now).

My view is you can't say any magic words because whatever you say if people are really sad theres a chance they'll react badly or react ok you can't predict it.

So my advice is reach out but be ready to get slapped down, but don't let that stop you reaching out again. Don't be pushy but don't give up.

I mean I don't say anything to her I just happened to be talking to her yesterday when it happened and I had to say that I wish I could say something to help but I couldn't because I've never had to deal with that. I'm not going to bring it up if she does. It's like my last girl if someone doesn't bring it up I'm.not going to talk about it...although 9 months later people still live to bring I up. Off topic sorry anyways yeah I just want to be able to say something that will help if it comes up again instead of having to leave her to deal with this on her own.

[Legoboy]

If she wants to talk about it she'll probably bring it up. You kind of get sick about it, people ask stupid stuff like how are you doing (my mum just died, how the f**k do you think?) or anything I can do? (yeah, right).

So maybe just "if you ever want to talk, vent or whatever I'll listen" is all you need to say. Instead of 'hows it going' maybe 'its great to see you' is all you need to do. Being a friend, being there, actually helping and doing stuff if you see that chance.

IDK thats just my experience, maybe its different if she's older.

[Professional Russian]

If she wants to talk about it she'll probably bring it up. You kind of get sick about it, people ask stupid stuff like how are you doing (my mum just died, how the f**k do you think?) or anything I can do? (yeah, right).

So maybe just "if you ever want to talk, vent or whatever I'll listen" is all you need to say. Instead of 'hows it going' maybe 'its great to see you' is all you need to do. Being a friend, being there, actually helping and doing stuff if you see that chance.

IDK thats just my experience, maybe its different if she's older.
Well we don't see each other everyday. We're actually really lucky to see each other at all but I text her everyday twice a day, once in the morning saying good morning and once in the afternoon asking how she's feeling and how her day went. I've been doing since before her grandmother died so its nothing out of the ordinary. I told her yesterday when it happened that if she ever wanted to talk about it I was here and would help the best I can or just listen if it makes you feel better. Shes 17, a year younger than me.

[Legoboy]

Well sounds like you're being a perfect friend, I'm sure she is thankful for that. Sounds like maybe you are frustrated like you have an urge to try to act to fix it for her. I'd say you're doing great, and don't let it become about your feelings of not being able to fix it.

[Professional Russian]

Well sounds like you're being a perfect friend, I'm sure she is thankful for that. Sounds like maybe you are frustrated like you have an urge to try to act to fix it for her. I'd say you're doing great, and don't let it become about your feelings of not being able to fix it.

I have a problem of always thinking I'm not doing enough and thats why everyone leaves me in the end. I always think that I can never be that persona anyone wants because I don't help enough

[Legoboy]

I have a problem of always thinking I'm not doing enough and thats why everyone leaves me in the end. I always think that I can never be that persona anyone wants because I don't help enough

Well to be honest I don't know about any of that. Some people don't want help, some want to much and could take advantage. If you're trying to help, thats better than ignoring people in your life. Seems like you're trying to be a good person which is all anyone can do.

[Professional Russian]

Well to be honest I don't know about any of that. Some people don't want help, some want to much and could take advantage. If you're trying to help, thats better than ignoring people in your life. Seems like you're trying to be a good person which is all anyone can do.

She defiently isn't using me. If she was using me shed bitch about all the little things to me. Usually we just tlak about something stupid or insignificant but if either of us is having a really bad day we always end up coming to each other

[Legoboy]

She defiently isn't using me. If she was using me shed bitch about all the little things to me. Usually we just tlak about something stupid or insignificant but if either of us is having a really bad day we always end up coming to each other

Having someone to talk to about insignificant stuff is actually a big deal, I've been where i didn't have that for a long time. Just by being a person she can talk to you are already doing something pretty important for her. Keep being there, keep listening.

[Professional Russian]

Having someone to talk to about insignificant stuff is actually a big deal, I've been where i didn't have that for a long time. Just by being a person she can talk to you are already doing something pretty important for her. Keep being there, keep listening.

I'm still going to be there obviously but I just didn't want to say the wrong thing and get her to hate me

[Legoboy]

I'm still going to be there obviously but I just didn't want to say the wrong thing and get her to hate me

Yeah I doubt that will be the consequence though. Its really likely when people are all emotional (well this is how I am) that they say nasty shit and act out but then thats where you just have to deal, let them vent and go back and give them some love even after that. Its like sure you might be the punch bag some day but the punches aren't for you, you know what I mean?

So don't be afraid to talk just be ready to take a few for the team sort of thing.

Sorry this may not make much sense. I've had counselling for the past like 8 months over certain things and I've learned a lot but its not like I'm an expert here.

[Professional Russian]

Yeah I doubt that will be the consequence though. Its really likely when people are all emotional (well this is how I am) that they say nasty shit and act out but then thats where you just have to deal, let them vent and go back and give them some love even after that. Its like sure you might be the punch bag some day but the punches aren't for you, you know what I mean?

So don't be afraid to talk just be ready to take a few for the team sort of thing.

Sorry this may not make much sense. I've had counselling for the past like 8 months over certain things and I've learned a lot but its not like I'm an expert here.
Well I mean the last girl I was with hates me after I treated her like complete gold, look at some of my older posts if you want the story, but it wasn't her emotions that made her hate me. She needed someone to blame for what happened and put it on me so after that I try to watch what I say, although I still stand by my word with what I told her, but I loved that girl more than anything in the world and just wanted her to be happy and did everything I could to make that happen and she still hates me for it. I'm really careful with girls after that even though I still know what I did with her was right but I still get worried about it all the time I'm not worried about taking anything. I took shit for 8 months with the last girl hoping for the best and ended up with a broken heart. I don't want it to happen again.

[Legoboy]

Well some people are just f***ed up because of whats happened to them. We're all a bit crazy in our own ways i suppose. I think all you can do is just do what it sounds like you do anyway, so be yourself, be an honourable and kind person the best way you know how.

It doesn't sound to me like you deserved what happened to you, but it sounds like you might have helped someone in spite of their problems and how it affected you, and thats pretty awesome of you.

[Professional Russian]

Well some people are just f***ed up because of whats happened to them. We're all a bit crazy in our own ways i suppose. I think all you can do is just do what it sounds like you do anyway, so be yourself, be an honourable and kind person the best way you know how.

It doesn't sound to me like you deserved what happened to you, but it sounds like you might have helped someone in spite of their problems and how it affected you, and thats pretty awesome of you.

I try to be a nice person but after the last girl I had an 8 month period where I was a miserable asshole to anyone who even attempted to talk to me because I still only wanted one person and she was gone and probably never coming. I told our story and there were a few girls who asked me to be their boyfriend because of how I treated her but when I started talking to this new girl it wasn't because she was going to be a replacement. It was because I knew she needed help and I knew no one else was going to give it to her and she showed me not all girls are total bitches like the last one and some of them appreciate what I do for them.

[Legoboy]

Well duh. You are a nice guy, girls like a nice guy so they want to get to know you when they realise that. Thats cool. And then you help someone who appreciates it, which is how it should be.

So what if you went through a bad time, it doesn't mean you are bad person in your heart. I mean lots of us have you know? The people I love right now are the ones who looked after me when I even hated myself and how I was, and you know I am still that person sometimes and I hate that. But they don't hate me for it

Idk do you seem like a sensitive and smart guy and probably exactly what your friend needs. better that she has someone who cares and *might* screw up than someone who doesn't give a shit.

[Professional Russian]

Well duh. You are a nice guy, girls like a nice guy so they want to get to know you when they realise that. Thats cool. And then you help someone who appreciates it, which is how it should be.

So what if you went through a bad time, it doesn't mean you are bad person in your heart. I mean lots of us have you know? The people I love right now are the ones who looked after me when I even hated myself and how I was, and you know I am still that person sometimes and I hate that. But they don't hate me for it

Idk do you seem like a sensitive and smart guy and probably exactly what your friend needs. better that she has someone who cares and *might* screw up than someone who doesn't give a shit.

Yeah...I still sometimes wish my last girl was like that. Did everything I could for that girl and she still hates me. Atleast this one appreciates me and that makes me feel better. Oh those 8 months I was bad. If I wasn't being an asshole to you I was crying asking where I fucked up the last one and wanted the answers to fix it. Then if it didn't work I got super pissed because I thought you were trying to ruin the one good thing I had in life

[Legoboy]

Yeah...I still sometimes wish my last girl was like that. Did everything I could for that girl and she still hates me. Atleast this one appreciates me and that makes me feel better. Oh those 8 months I was bad. If I wasn't being an asshole to you I was crying asking where I fucked up the last one and wanted the answers to fix it. Then if it didn't work I got super pissed because I thought you were trying to ruin the one good thing I had in life
Well good for you seriously, sounds like you legit give a shit about people. Thats awesome. Seems like i have a school full of people like your ex is all I'm saying. People who care more about themselves and their image. Nah, good for you mate.

[Professional Russian]

Well good for you seriously, sounds like you legit give a shit about people. Thats awesome. Seems like i have a school full of people like your ex is all I'm saying. People who care more about themselves and their image. Nah, good for you mate.

Cared more about themselves and their image...how true that is. I really loved that girl didn't want any part of her body, it wasn't what I gave a fuck about, and she ended up going with some asshole that only wanted to fuck her then turned around and blamed me for their break up because I told, when she asked ofcourse, to not have sex with him. So you know lets just blame the guy that loved you and wanted the best for you and was only looking out for you. But that's fine I've moved on and gotten to much better people that actually appreciate when I'm nice to them

[Legoboy]

Wow thats so fucked up. OK so this isn't mine but I was told this. Sometimes you have to be that guy in a movie walking away from the explosion in the background. yes you're all beat up but you are the one walking back towards the audience and away from the disaster zone. Point is, welcome back from the disaster zone, you know?

[Professional Russian]

Wow thats so fucked up. OK so this isn't mine but I was told this. Sometimes you have to be that guy in a movie walking away from the explosion in the background. yes you're all beat up but you are the one walking back towards the audience and away from the disaster zone. Point is, welcome back from the disaster zone, you know?

Yeah I know what you mean. If you look at my old threads and the "for my own sanity" thread in my diary you'll see just how tore up I was over that girl

[Legoboy]

Yeah I know what you mean. If you look at my old threads and the "for my own sanity" thread in my diary you'll see just how tore up I was over that girl

ok well yeah I will but I'm not in a great place myself so it might take me a while, ok?

[Professional Russian]

ok well yeah I will but I'm not in a great place myself so it might take me a while, ok?

I'm just saying if you really wanted to see how bad it was