My friend has me questioning my sexuality?

[Raygar]

I'm 17, a senior in HS dammit I don't NEED this right now!

I have a friend that I have officially known since the 5th grade. I have watched him grow up from being a troublesome, really really bad young boy to being a slightly troubled and occasionally bad man. And all throughout the years, I have pretty much maintained the same feelings for him, the feelings you would expect one to have for a friend.

Last school year we talked more than we ever had and I found myself liking him even more due to his blunt, super-explicit approach to everything. He's also really funny, smart, and super nice (usually). But still, I liked him like a friend.

But senior year...it's...different. I'm noticing so much more about him. Talking about colleges, SAT/ACT, and GPA has me realizing just how smart he really is. I started to realize that he grew to like me a lot, something he hasn't been shy of telling me. I've noticed how inappropriate he's capable of being, how he is willing to discuss literally anything, no matter how personal it may seem to be. Everything has me liking him more and more. He has made me slightly uncomfortable at times with an array of explicit and implicit sexual remarks that I've noticed are reserved for me.

So my feelings for him had definitely strengthened and it had me like "Why do I like him so much more now?" but I still considered him a friend. But I had/have strong feelings that he likes me more than he lets on. He sometimes like reassures himself and asks me if I still like him and/or consider him a friend. He has asked about whether we'll still be friends once we're done with high school. But the sexual remarks are what make me think he "likes" me. He has complimented my looks a lot too. I was really curious to find out how much he likes me so I started "testing him", showing off my body to him and opening up more when he and our friends would talk about sexual/inappropriate stuff.

But then I started asking myself "Why do I need to know whether he likes me or not?" And I started to realize I may be a bit attracted to him. I noticed how his eyes look like gemstones, his skin so soft (he touches me a lot), and he has a nice body. Of course he has a nice smile and a contagious laugh too, things that I have always noticed and liked. I'm not a homophobe so none of these things scream "I'M GAY" to me. In fact, he has shown homophobia himself, saying that he feels uncomfortable and wouldn't hang out with a flamboyant/cross-dressing gay guy. Interesting considering that I am thinking he is gay himself but if he is, he's not flamboyant at all and shows no feminine tendencies. But on the other hand, he has not gone out with a lot of girls and actually shoots down/friend zones a lot of them. I don't know if this makes a difference at all because he is usually hit on by ghetto girls and he is clearly not attracted to that. But then one time he said while he was talking about this slutty girl that wanted him that he'd date/fuck me before he'd date/fuck her. Lol...?

When he talks to me, he gets very close to me and sometimes insanely close to my face. And I like it. He's always got his hands on my arm/shoulder and he softly pushes/rubs me in my side when he wants my attention while we're sitting down. And I like it. He sends me song lyrics of songs he likes ("Too Close", "Dreaming of You", "Overjoyed"...lovey songs). And I like it.

What is going on? I've dated and liked nothing but girls up to this point and no other guy has had me like this before. I think of him. A lot. Do I have a CRUSH on him? Or am I tricking myself?

Help.

I'm not really asking whether he's gay or not btw even though I don't know. He talks about sex a lot (like all our friends lol) and has called some of our female friends hot/sexy/doable to their faces before. But he also drops hints (or at least in my opinion they're hints) that he's bisexual. Although any jokes/references to gay sex he makes are ALWAYS directed at me.

Like for example, my friends say that because I'm not entirely sure with what I wanna do in the future that I'm going to become a male prostitute. Then he said he'd pick me up sometime out of pity and will pay double if I'm good. That's not gay to me (clearly joking) but when we were walking to class after lunch (now it's just us) he went into graphic detail on what he considers "good." How does/would he know how to judge the quality of gay sex lol?

It's so hard to tell with him. He says stuff like this all the time but he's so deceptive/sarcastic it's assumed that anything he says in that nature is a joke, no matter how graphic and explicit. But I can't help but think he's dropping major hints on me. But then again, why does it matter to me so much?

Dammit

Posts merged. Next time, please use the "Edit" button. ~Elysium

[Living For Love]

There's a quote that says: "If you can't beat them, then join them". If you can't control those feelings you have for him, and if you don't know what's causing them, then just embrace it.

He's clearly interested in you in a certain way. All that physical contact is normal between great friends, but the lyrics thing, those explicit gay sex jokes (which don't sound just jokes to me) that fact that he would prefer to have sex with you rather than with a girl, and especially, the fact that he sometimes asks you if you're still his friend and will be after high school, they're things that I wouldn't say "normal" people would do. What I mean is that, he must have some kind of feelings towards you that also makes him a bit confused, just like you are confused right now. You're always thinking about him because the attitudes he has make you think about him, it comes from him first, it's his intention, and it's working, because if you can't stop thinking about him, it means you're probably as interested in him as he's interested in you, the only difference is that you haven't realised that yet.

You could try to solve this "issue" in the classical way: do the same to him, put you hand or his shoulder/arm sometimes as well, compliment his looks just like he does to you (but be honest), make him know you care, you like being with him, laugh when he says those jokes, show him you're not offended or uncomfortable with them, and then try to study his reactions. That could help you determinate his sexuality.

Problem is, it's kinda useless to know if he's gay, bi or straight if you don't know previously what your feelings towards him exactly are. You need to see where you stand on all this first. Do you like him more than a friend? Would you imagine yourself kissing him? When he's walking towards you, do you feel like a wave of heat throughout your entire body, something you never feel when you're with someone else, something like that? No one can answer those things for you, it can be only a crush, it can be something deeper, only you can tell.

[blarg2011]

i guess at 17 it's not a matter of curiosity... like Ryanair says u need to find ur role in all this... and if u want to do something with him... maybe the best is to meet him alone and talk about it... if it's in your room or someplace u r alone, things will go naturally... or not.

[Raygar]

I am just now getting to read these replies and I thank you two for the input. I actually had an interesting moment today with him, something that really opened my eyes literally and figuratively.

First of all, I tried to test him a bit more in 4th period today. I asked for his help on something in English and he was, as usual, pretty close to me. He had said something and he told me I was wrong but I felt I wasn't. So I got like really really close to his face and said "I'm right". This is something he always does to me when we argue. He got even closer to me, like lips 2 inches apart and said "No you're fucking not" and then he licked his lips a bit and shoved me away.

But anyways onto what happened...I went to his house. I stayed at his house a long time ago when we were in like the 6th grade (other friends were there though) but since then I've only visited. I'm taking the SAT soon (kinda late but eh) and wanted someone to study with. I told him I'd be over around 6 ish but was bored at home and figured he wasn't doing anything so I drove around around 5. His little sister answered and let me in. His parents weren't home so I'm kinda surprised she let me in lol but whatever she showed me to his room. I could hear water running and realized he was showering.

About 20 minutes later he comes in to his room in a towel and though I could tell he was surprised I was here he didn't seem bothered by it. He asked why I came early and apologized for his nakedness as he got dressed in front of me.. I saw it all. And I liked it.

I can't deny it really. I like him, perhaps as more than a friend. And after today, I am definitely attracted to him;). I guess that would make me bisexual. We still studied but I did pretty much everything with a boner. I'm certain he glanced at least 4 or 5 times but didn't mention it. But now I know one thing: I want to experience "something" with my friend.

I am thinking of asking to stay over. I don't know though. He could stay at my house and he'd probably have to sleep with me since we have a full house and no guest room. But my parents are sooooo invasive. And whenever I go over there, he tells his family to leave us alone and they like forget that we're there lol. BUT he has a guest room so it'd be weird if I slept with him instead wouldn't it?

[wattado]

If you are wanting to spend the night with him you should probably invite him to stay at your house first. This way it doesn't seem like you are trying to invite yourself over. This way maybe after he spends the night at your house he may invite you to stay at his. I don't know if this would be the best way to handle it but it may at least open the option of spending the night with each other. I don't think it would be weird if you slept with him instead of in the guest room. I think it would be more weird to sleep in the guest room but thats just me lol. Either way I think you should offer for him to spend the night. I hope I helped a little. :)

[Living For Love]

I agree with the poster above. You should invite him over first to your house, and then he could invite you to yours. It's good that you've decided your position on this. Now, you're interested in him, and he definitely seems interested in you as well. The question is, do you think he would take it further so that you two could experiment? When you're with him at his house, you need to be careful when asking him to do it, or leading him to that purpose. And whether the fact you're attracted to him makes you bi, gay or just curious, that simply doesn't matter for now, so don't think about it much.

[salty]

Being gay is an emotional attraction and sexual attraction. Perhaps you need to explore this with your friend

[Tarannosaurus]

It sounds like this guy is really to the point and blunt when he wants to say something. You could try asking him right out, he doesn't seem like a person that would be offended by it.

[Biscuithead13]

You are in quite a unique position right now, and you should be able to enjoy the moment and what is of life. To potentially have the opportunity to explore your sexuality is a wonderful, wonderful thing, and I wish you luck. As far as your friend goes, he seems to at least be curious about you. He could just be very comfortable around you, as I've had many guy friends that were like that, I thought they showed signs of being gay, but they were in fact just comfortable with me. Your day with your friend you referred to is quite interesting, and im quite honestly jealous cuz I wish I was in your position there xD but to be serious, if you feel it is worth potentially experiencing something with your friend, go for it. But one thing, you have to VERY carefully read them, because if you ask or make an advance and hes uncomfortable, it can take a bad turn. He definitely seems to have some sort of curiousness or interest in you though, and I think you potentially have something special there. Just remember to be your natural self, and take things slow. Enjoy each others company, and see what happens! Good luck!

[JamesSuperBoy]

whatever it is what it is for now -

[Brice]

Gosh. I wish I could have an opportunity like that. Probably won't ever get one though. Anyways, I think you should go ahead on with your plan. Get him alon, drop subtle hints, and if his reaction is the one you desire, let those hints get bigger until you're completely convinced about his interest. Then, you can start to make advances physically. Play truth or dare maybe? Ask him if he's ever played the nervous game. Lay your hand on his head or his feet and ask if he's nervous then move your hand higher asking if he's nervous every time you move your hand. That may be a good way to see how physically comfortable with you or how attracted he is to you. And if his feelings/attraction is not returned, sorry dude.

[Raygar]

Bringing this back lol. You guys said to invite him over and actually I didn't even need to do that.

He invited me over to watch the Super Bowl with him and his millions of cousins and then stay over if I wanted. Of course that wasn't the fun part of it (LOL Broncos btw). His family...they're ALL like him. I've never seen that before.

We then stayed up for most of the night playing on his XBOX One. I did sleep in his bed too. He sleeps in his boxers:P.

No moves were made though. I didn't really notice any hints last night.

I'm doing this right now on my laptop that I always bring with me. It's like 6:30 and he's still asleep lol. We need to leave for school at like 7...I'm wondering when he's gonna wake up

[centropede]

He seems really nice :)
I wish i had such a nice friend.

[Tenoka]

Is it me, or is this to damn adorable? :D It does seem you have a little thing for him, more emotional feelings over physical from what I've read. Take it as it is and jump into it, see what happens. Keep us updated about it too, so dang cute. :P

[chiisaiaoiryu]

Hey man, that's a pretty cool story you got. Hope everything went well between you and your best bud.

[AbyssalLight7]

From the sounds of it he likes you, however this is old from what sounds like an optimistic perspective, it might not sound as good from another view, idk, but it seems like he's flirting with you and might like you. Someone above suggested truth and dare, that is a really good suggestion. Also, I feel like it's more normal to sleep in the same room than it is to take a guest room during sleepovers, try and get things going so the sleepovers become more of a regular thing, good luck. Also with the truth and dare thing, there are a lot of ways to make use of leading questions, it's how a friend and I ended up admitting we were curious, though he ended up as strait and I came out as bi so that was, well nvm that, this is about you. Um, Approach the whole gay/curious thing slowly (like I said, leading questions) and see where it takes you

[nippletree]

I have a gf that is always walking around me with her breasts showing and about a week ago I spent the night . I am kinda prude so I slept in boxers, she was nude. I do think of myself as bi but I couldn't stop staring at her bald pussy. It didn't take long before she started rubbing her clitoris and I got sopping wet. I was getting pretty worked up so when she offered to go down on me I said ok, I didn't know I could squirt when I orgasm til then. I really think it's normal to occasionally want penis and sometimes vagina and I have had incredible times with both.

[Living For Love]

Please don't bump old threads. :locked: