friend in crisis

[Loner_97]

One of friends is getting addicted to drugs,smoking and drinking. She started by saying that she just wants to try and I am not judgemental so I thought it was cool that she wanted to experience it all. But now it's affecting her. she is different. she is screwing up all of her grades, bunking... lies to her parents about big things...and she just seems different. I talked to her but I don't know what to do... any suggestions?

[TheRedViper]

This sounds very, very similar to a situation I had. I have a friend who I would describe as being generally wild. She is only 16, but already does a lot of drugs, smokes a lot, gets really drunk and has sex with random guys and cheats on her boyfriend. Despite this, I try not to be a judgemental person, so I don't condemn her or anything. One night (well early morning) she texted me saying she'd just done meth, and that she was feeling crazy and weird. We both just laughed and joked around about it, but then that day at school she came a bit late, and her hair was all messy and she had black under her eyes. She said she didn't sleep at all, and spent ages scratching at her skin, feeling like there were bugs underneath (meth effects). When I said that I wouldn't mind doing meth with her, she immediately told me not to, since it "fucks you up", her own words. She has never really done well at school, and her relationship with her mother (her father left years ago) is very rocky at best. The reason she does drugs though (or one of the reasons) is because she was quite depressed, and even tried to kill herself several times. I felt very sorry for her, so I don't judge or condemn her for it. We continue to be great friends, and nothing has really changed. She still does drugs, and smokes a pack of cigarettes a week and gets drunk a lot, but she is still basically the same person.

Okay, sorry about going off on that tangent. I guess I just thought our situations are similar. As to your problem, there isn't really much you can do. She's decided she wants to do these things, and I assume she likes them enough to continue with them. It's good that you're concerned about your friend, but ultimately the decision is down to her if she wants to keep going like this. You could maybe try telling her you're worried it's affecting her badly and you don't want to see anything had happen, but it's her life, and she'll do what she wants, one way or another. I know this from personal experience with my own friend. She did the same things, but started from a younger age and did a lot worse stuff as well. Sometimes the only thing you can do is leave it up to them to decide what they want to do. May I ask in what way she is different? Is her personality or attitude different, especially towards you? This is an indicator, I believe, of just how much it's affecting her.