Dead Inside
January 22nd, 2014, 04:10 PM
*I wasnt entirely sure which section to post this in, but this section seemed to be the most relevant*
So my boyfriend and I had broken up a little more then a week ago. We were dating for a little over a year and i broke up with him because he just hurt me mentally way too much. Anyways, yesterday in school, (we still are friends) according to one of my friends he had a "secret". So i went up to my ex and asked about the secret and it turns out he had sex with someone. This sent me into a ball of uneasyness and just complete sadness, to the point where i was almost crying in school. My friends were asking me whats wrong but i just shook my head cause it was one of those moments where as soon as i opened my mouth, the tears would come out. Anyways, my ex also knew that it upset me and he got upset that he had upset me. So after school we were texting and talking about it, and at this point, i wanted to cut so badly. And that sucked because i was clean since march of last year, but thanks to this situation i have over 30 cuts marking up my body. Yay. So as we were talking, i also found out who the kid was.Turns out the kid was the same kid my ex would hang out with when we were dating, and that id get upset cause they had a little, tiny, sexual history. That was a nice slap in the face. So here i am, stuck with inner pain from this whole situation, wanting to kill myself because of the pain, and also i cant even think of anything sexual without wanting to cut or commit suicide. It sucks. I thought i was getting so much better just a week ago and now i want to end it all tonight. I cant take it anymore. I dont know what to do. Any time i think of my ex and the other kid having sex i get this shooting pain through me and i just want it all to stop. Can someone please help? Im desperate.
So my boyfriend and I had broken up a little more then a week ago. We were dating for a little over a year and i broke up with him because he just hurt me mentally way too much. Anyways, yesterday in school, (we still are friends) according to one of my friends he had a "secret". So i went up to my ex and asked about the secret and it turns out he had sex with someone. This sent me into a ball of uneasyness and just complete sadness, to the point where i was almost crying in school. My friends were asking me whats wrong but i just shook my head cause it was one of those moments where as soon as i opened my mouth, the tears would come out. Anyways, my ex also knew that it upset me and he got upset that he had upset me. So after school we were texting and talking about it, and at this point, i wanted to cut so badly. And that sucked because i was clean since march of last year, but thanks to this situation i have over 30 cuts marking up my body. Yay. So as we were talking, i also found out who the kid was.Turns out the kid was the same kid my ex would hang out with when we were dating, and that id get upset cause they had a little, tiny, sexual history. That was a nice slap in the face. So here i am, stuck with inner pain from this whole situation, wanting to kill myself because of the pain, and also i cant even think of anything sexual without wanting to cut or commit suicide. It sucks. I thought i was getting so much better just a week ago and now i want to end it all tonight. I cant take it anymore. I dont know what to do. Any time i think of my ex and the other kid having sex i get this shooting pain through me and i just want it all to stop. Can someone please help? Im desperate.