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View Full Version : Dating, Language Barrier, and Interest


hftarasque
January 22nd, 2014, 12:33 PM
Hey all, I have a question here. I'm currently going to school abroad (started school earlier this month), and I have a dating advice question. There's a girl in my class that I've really started to like, but she doesn't speak English very well, and I don't speak her language. If anyone has experience with this sort of situation, how can you tell across the language barrier if someone is interested or not? Let me give some background (wall of text incoming):

The day after I met her (it took a little longer, since we're both kinda shy), she invited me to her birthday over at a bar. I went and unfortunately didn't really get to talk to her much at all, as she was busy with lots of friends. Then I noticed she was looking pretty upset, and after asking a mutual friend, found out that she had been rejected by her crush. I gave her what support I could, and the night ended and I went home.

Skip forward a bit, and she keeps having this on/off toward me. One day she gets my Skype from me (I don't have a phone yet), and then the next she hardly even acknowledges I exist. One day she invites me and the friend from the bar to lunch, and then the next I might get a hello.

Prom was last weekend, and after the rehearsal I, acting like a dork like normal, went back and asked her if she wanted to go to this event at the library. She said she didn't want to walk that far (fair enough, she had just been dancing), so when the bus came she left. At prom, we saw each other, but never talked except for me asking her where the after party was. During our walk there, she was busy helping her friend who was too drunk to walk. The next day, she is suddenly very interested about where I was during the after party (I left early, not my thing).

One day I decided to ask her (on Skype, unfortunately) a simple question, "who are you?" Initially, she gave me a very superficial answer, but after talking some more, she started going into how sad she was about not being able to be who she wants to be, and how she doesn't like to think about it, etc. I did my best to encourage her to become that person, world be damned, and thanked her for talking with me. She kind of dismissed that by saying "you don't need to thank me, here, people talk to each other". Conversation ended, and we said goodnight.

Next day (today), she doesn't talk to me, and leaves no opportunity for conversation, even when I sat right next to her. Later, I asked her for some help with a translation, and then asked her if she was doing anything tomorrow (second attempt). She said a German lesson. After a short conversation in German, I asked if she was busy after. After over an hour, she said "I dont know yet. I should meet my friend but it's not sure. I will know It just later" I, not thinking it out first, said she could've just told me that. Oops. >_< I deleted the message, but I'm sure she saw it already.

Anyway, anyone have any thoughts at all on this situation? Am I overanalyzing, and I have nothing to worry about? Am I being a jerk? Is she? Don't worry about offending me in any way.

chieko
January 22nd, 2014, 01:29 PM
She is so confusing, some girls have complicated minds but i can't understand her actually. I didn't speak English well before, but i never acted like this to anyone. My ex also has a different native language. So yeah it was very easy for us to talk because English was the only language we can speak to communicate. Personally I don't consider language as a barrier, it even made our relationship not boring and not just all into "talking". We understood each other by doing things most and by facial expressions. We even made our own sign language, it was so fun and we learn languages together~ In your situation, i don't know maybe it would be hard because you're still getting to know the girl and you can't possibly act like you know her interests already.

After reading this I'm not sure of it if she keeps on being on/off towards you just because of the language barrier. It's nice that it seems you were really exerting effort just to talk with her, so if you believe the language is the problem you can still overcome that. Learn some of her language. Use simple words, speak clearly and slowly or in any way that she will understand.

hftarasque
January 22nd, 2014, 01:37 PM
After reading this I'm not sure of it if she keeps on being on/off towards you just because of the language barrier. It's nice that it seems you were really exerting effort just to talk with her, so if you believe the language is the problem you can still overcome that. Learn some of her language. Use simple words, speak clearly and slowly or in any way that she will understand.

She's really not all that good at speaking English, but she can read and write well. So yeah, communicating is hard sometimes. She did tell me once "I like talking to you, but sometimes I can't understand you."

I am learning, and trying to use it when I can. You don't think I'm pushing too hard, though? I don't want to scare her away.

Fireangel
January 22nd, 2014, 03:11 PM
Hey all, I have a question here. I'm currently going to school abroad (started school earlier this month), and I have a dating advice question. There's a girl in my class that I've really started to like, but she doesn't speak English very well, and I don't speak her language. If anyone has experience with this sort of situation, how can you tell across the language barrier if someone is interested or not? Let me give some background (wall of text incoming):

The day after I met her (it took a little longer, since we're both kinda shy), she invited me to her birthday over at a bar. I went and unfortunately didn't really get to talk to her much at all, as she was busy with lots of friends. Then I noticed she was looking pretty upset, and after asking a mutual friend, found out that she had been rejected by her crush. I gave her what support I could, and the night ended and I went home.

Skip forward a bit, and she keeps having this on/off toward me. One day she gets my Skype from me (I don't have a phone yet), and then the next she hardly even acknowledges I exist. One day she invites me and the friend from the bar to lunch, and then the next I might get a hello.

Prom was last weekend, and after the rehearsal I, acting like a dork like normal, went back and asked her if she wanted to go to this event at the library. She said she didn't want to walk that far (fair enough, she had just been dancing), so when the bus came she left. At prom, we saw each other, but never talked except for me asking her where the after party was. During our walk there, she was busy helping her friend who was too drunk to walk. The next day, she is suddenly very interested about where I was during the after party (I left early, not my thing).

One day I decided to ask her (on Skype, unfortunately) a simple question, "who are you?" Initially, she gave me a very superficial answer, but after talking some more, she started going into how sad she was about not being able to be who she wants to be, and how she doesn't like to think about it, etc. I did my best to encourage her to become that person, world be damned, and thanked her for talking with me. She kind of dismissed that by saying "you don't need to thank me, here, people talk to each other". Conversation ended, and we said goodnight.

Next day (today), she doesn't talk to me, and leaves no opportunity for conversation, even when I sat right next to her. Later, I asked her for some help with a translation, and then asked her if she was doing anything tomorrow (second attempt). She said a German lesson. After a short conversation in German, I asked if she was busy after. After over an hour, she said "I dont know yet. I should meet my friend but it's not sure. I will know It just later" I, not thinking it out first, said she could've just told me that. Oops. >_< I deleted the message, but I'm sure she saw it already.

Anyway, anyone have any thoughts at all on this situation? Am I overanalyzing, and I have nothing to worry about? Am I being a jerk? Is she? Don't worry about offending me in any way.

Write her a letter to explain your feelings. (Are you a girl?)

chieko
January 22nd, 2014, 03:13 PM
She's really not all that good at speaking English, but she can read and write well. So yeah, communicating is hard sometimes. She did tell me once "I like talking to you, but sometimes I can't understand you."

I am learning, and trying to use it when I can. You don't think I'm pushing too hard, though? I don't want to scare her away.

What is her native language? I hope you'll get to communicate with her better. You won't scare her, maybe she will even appreciate that you're willing to talk with her. Goodluck.

hftarasque
January 22nd, 2014, 03:16 PM
@Fireangel
I think I've made it pretty obvious. Do you really think that may help? And I'm a guy.