Best friend suddenly ignoring me

[crowdlost]

It's not as stupid as the title sounds. It's actually really, seriously killing me. I feel like I am dying every single day that passes without us talking. He's been my best best friend for the past 5 years and suddenly without any reason he has stopped speaking to me 3 weeks ago!

I have talked to him about 50 times about it, and he just says nothing's wrong and forget it. Then I try to see him and he is very cold and mean and barely speaks a word.

I go to his house and he is silent the entire time. I ask him what is it? What's wrong? He does not freakin' reply.

Then I bump into him at other places (like a cafe) and he is with his friends laughing and having fun like there is absolutely nothing wrong with him.

This is literally, seriously killing me. I have always known that I cared about him more than he did and I sort of shape my life around him and would do anything just to hang out with him, but I'm not used to him being this mean to me. He's usually always calling me up asking me what's up if 2 days go by without me talking to him.

All my other close friends are telling me to let go and move on or at least stop talking to him for a while, and he'll come back. But it's been 3 weeks and it's never been that long before!

Last night, I kept on texting him and asking him to please talk to me about whatever there is going on, and that I just want to understand why he's acting this way with me. At the end, he stopped replying so I texted again (yes, I know, I am VERY obsessive): "Why didn't you reply?"

He texted back, very angrily, to calm the f*ck down. So I did. I stopped.

But today, I can't stop feeling hurt and annoyed and sad the entire time. Classes are difficult for me to get through because I am just so sad. I want to make things better with him, I don't want to move on :(

I am leaving town in about a month and a half, forever. So I just need to have these last few weeks with him. I don't want to leave with us fighting like this. Then I think, he might not even think I'm mad or sad at all. He's such a complicated yet simple person. He shows zero emotion sometimes (except when he's suddenly open to me and cries when his girlfriend is fighting with him) and I can't stop obsessing over whether or not he actually cares.

Sorry for the rant. But I feel like my eyes are exploding and my hands are trembling. I don't know what to do, or what not to do. Everyone keeps telling me to move on and DO NOT SPEAK TO HIM unless he does so first. But I don't know if I could possibly just wait that long :( :(

This sucks. Life just freakin' SUCKS.

[Living For Love]

It's a shame that he keeps behaving that way towards you, and the worst is that you can't do pretty much anything to change it. If you think he thinks you're not mad at him, you should start by changing that. Tell him you're mad and sad because he's been distant and because he doesn't realise how important he is for you.

You should also let him know you're leaving town, forever, and probably you won't be able to contact him on a regular basis. That might help changing his attitude, at least so that you two can have a bit of fun in these last weeks you spend together.

I'll repeat once again, it's quite sad that your friendship might end like this, but it seems the problem is on him, not you, so in the future you don't have to worry about it, because you tried everything to change the situation.

Just one more thing: people change naturally, I already had quite close friends of mine that left me later because things just got bored, you know. But that should be a motivation to you so that you forget him, move on and find even better friends. You don't have to cling on the past forever, you need to continue living as well, and even though you tried everything to sort out this situation with your friend, it can't always be you to try to fix things, because both parts need to commit, and it seems that you're the only one interested in this friendship to continue.

If he doesn't speak to you about all this, and if things don't change, then, when you're finally leaving town, just go to his house, thank him for every moment you two cherished together, give him a hug, and leave. He will regret it later.

[NeuroTiger]

I'll support Tiago's point of view.

Well, one very important question here: does he know that you are leaving?
If he yes, certainly, he's trying to replace you...which obviously will not be that easy even for him.
If not, tell him you're leaving the town. Try to give him a souvenir and while talking to him, share with him those memorable time together.

Good luck dude!
Hope you settle well at your new place in a month time!

[crowdlost]

Thank you guys for your comments! Great help!

Yeah, he knows that I'm leaving and I think that's the part that's killing me the most. I feel like he doesn't even CARE and already he's spending every single minute of his time with this other guy now, and I HATE how I keep bumping into them every now and then. It SUCKS. It literally makes me red and I feel like I will explode every time I see them.

He's not even being reasonable at all so I don't know how I'm going to leave next month. Like, I'm trying to picture the scene where we're saying goodbye...you know, IF he bothers to say goodbye to me.

:(

[Plane And Simple]

Didnt you think he may quite shocked about you leaving? I've had people do that when I moved. I'd say telll him what's on in your mind.

[SecretlyKnown]

distance strengthens love

[RunnerRunner]

Thats a little similar to what happened to my ex best friend. i got over him in a day thoigh. And there was a reason why we stopped being friends but it was a stupid reason. Friends can be like that. ive gone through so many situations like that. life goes on. you will meet new people. Life is all about meeting new people

[Gumleaf]

You know, he's probably feeling really hurt that you're leaving him too. He's probably thinking that you're abandoning him and he possibly has some resentment about that. So he's probably thinking, well screw this, i'm going to move on now and get over it. I know it hurts you and i know it sucks. But i'm thinking your friend is more upset about the situation then anything about you personally. It's sad that things have had to end like this for you and I know it hurts. I've been screwed over by so many people its ridiculous, so I know how this feels. Dwelling on it doesn't help. Try and be positive and think about how things can and will change for the better after you move.

[crowdlost]

Thank you all for your comments! It really helps to know there's people out there understanding what I'm going through..

Of course I've thought about the fact that he might be hurt about me leaving. I just hate that he doesn't show it, and I know that a lot of guys don't do that (I mean, I'm kind of one of those guys) but we've always had the kind of relationship where we wouldn't keep stuff like that from each other.

He's distant and weird and like a complete stranger. We did have about a 5-minute conversation this weekend and if I had to sum it up, it was... "fine". I didn't straight-up ask him why he's acting the way he was, I just danced around the topic. It's because I'm leaving, but I can't help but think how unthoughtful he's being. I'm the one who's changing my entire life and leaving behind my best friend and my family (to pursue my career dream) so why isn't he trying to make me feel better?

Instead, he's off searching for my replacement.

[ausley]

Yeah dude. I've been through this before, i used to have a great relationship with one of my friends but once i told him i was moving he stopped talking to me and our friendssp just ended. Sadly im not moving toll summer cause we changed dates so now its kind of just a sad old friendship now but I got over it. What you need to do is justfine activities to occupy your mind or you're going to be hurting ALOT.

[Carson99]

"Act like a complete stranger" -- That's #3 on the list of "top ways to hide pain, avoid awkward moments you can't deal with, and move on".

I have used it myself, when no amount of self-analysis, explanation, or half-way measures would fit the situation and the individual.

It's not your fault. It's not something you did or something you can learn from.

It just happens. Being in an exciting new environment will spare you so much pain and open up so many new opportunities for you. What a great new adventure!