Hollywood
January 17th, 2014, 08:58 PM
I'm not really looking for advice here guys, I'm just... boiling over right now. I have to get it out or I'm going to lose my fucking mind.
My life is an absolute clusterfuck. I can't think of another word that describes it better. My mother could give two shits, she's completely ruined my life and yet she expects ME to feel sympathy for HER? Are you fucking kidding me?! So today, my uncle came over and threatened her because my grandad let her borrow his gun and she hadn't given it back despite being asked numerous times by everyone. And of course, as usual, it's not her fault, because [insert standard excuse here, there's at least 500 of them]. And of course, as usual, if she had listened to me this wouldn't have happened. But because I'm not sobbing my eyes out because of her "bad luck", I'm a heartless person. Well let me tell you why I don't give a fuck anymore:
This woman has ruined me. My mother, the one person who said she'd always be there for me, has absolutely destroyed me life. She yanked me out of the 8th grade for reasons that have yet to be layed out for me, and has yet to do a single thing to help me get my GED, something I want more than anything in the world right now. Words can't describe how badly I want to have a job and start my new life, away from this bullshit. But no, that's too much to ask from her. She sat on her lazy ass for months, refused to even look for a job, and then, surprise surprise, we got evicted. My Grandad was kind enough to offer us his empty house in the country, free of charge, so we could get back on our feet.
It's been two and a half years. She had a job for about five months before leaving and has once again been sitting on her ass ever since. She uses me on a regular basis to get to my 84 year old grandfather and coax more money out of him. She probably owes him well over $20k, which she'll never pay back because fuck family, right? Everyone in my family hates her and, as a result, never talks to me anymore. I go hungry most nights because we have no money, I'm 30 lbs underweight which she of course just chalks up to high metabolisim. Did I mention she stole my Christmas money and gave it to her boyfriend to help him build a meth lab?
And yet, I'm the heartless one. I don't appreciate anything. I'm a horrible person, I deserve to pay for all of her mistakes. Fuck my life, fuck my pathetic empty life.
I spend every night alone, and sometimes I enjoy it. But sometimes, I just want someone to love me. Anyone, just someone to hold. I feel so empty inside, all of the people that cared about me turned their backs on me and walked away. I'm too damaged for a relationship, maybe I'm just too damaged for life. Fuck, I hate being alone.
My life is an absolute clusterfuck. I can't think of another word that describes it better. My mother could give two shits, she's completely ruined my life and yet she expects ME to feel sympathy for HER? Are you fucking kidding me?! So today, my uncle came over and threatened her because my grandad let her borrow his gun and she hadn't given it back despite being asked numerous times by everyone. And of course, as usual, it's not her fault, because [insert standard excuse here, there's at least 500 of them]. And of course, as usual, if she had listened to me this wouldn't have happened. But because I'm not sobbing my eyes out because of her "bad luck", I'm a heartless person. Well let me tell you why I don't give a fuck anymore:
This woman has ruined me. My mother, the one person who said she'd always be there for me, has absolutely destroyed me life. She yanked me out of the 8th grade for reasons that have yet to be layed out for me, and has yet to do a single thing to help me get my GED, something I want more than anything in the world right now. Words can't describe how badly I want to have a job and start my new life, away from this bullshit. But no, that's too much to ask from her. She sat on her lazy ass for months, refused to even look for a job, and then, surprise surprise, we got evicted. My Grandad was kind enough to offer us his empty house in the country, free of charge, so we could get back on our feet.
It's been two and a half years. She had a job for about five months before leaving and has once again been sitting on her ass ever since. She uses me on a regular basis to get to my 84 year old grandfather and coax more money out of him. She probably owes him well over $20k, which she'll never pay back because fuck family, right? Everyone in my family hates her and, as a result, never talks to me anymore. I go hungry most nights because we have no money, I'm 30 lbs underweight which she of course just chalks up to high metabolisim. Did I mention she stole my Christmas money and gave it to her boyfriend to help him build a meth lab?
And yet, I'm the heartless one. I don't appreciate anything. I'm a horrible person, I deserve to pay for all of her mistakes. Fuck my life, fuck my pathetic empty life.
I spend every night alone, and sometimes I enjoy it. But sometimes, I just want someone to love me. Anyone, just someone to hold. I feel so empty inside, all of the people that cared about me turned their backs on me and walked away. I'm too damaged for a relationship, maybe I'm just too damaged for life. Fuck, I hate being alone.