Being helpless

[Wheatley]

Hey,

I often like being in control of situations, I know some frown upon that but I do respect other's when it's their turn to lead.

Point is, I have this one friend who I count on for support, be it emotional support or general advice. I love him to pieces and I wouldn't let anyone harm him if I can prevent it.

He knows I love him and we have been growing apart for a long time now. I'm worried there's nothing to keep him from drifting away from me, we started as "buddies against the world " as we weren't popular at school but we were really close. Now he's at college and he's a girl magnet, everyone loves him. He's recently started getting into relationships that always end badly for him. Plus he's really changed (Gothic almost) he's in a band and I'm really scared he's gonna get into trouble (Sex, drugs, self harming etc..).

He doesn't see it as he's "in love with life" at the moment. But I don't wanna tell him and then say "I told you so" if something goes wrong.

I have an overly strong attachment and I think that might be pushing him away too. But on a personal level, I can't stand to see him with other girls (as he's all over thrm) and I think he thinks everything I say to him is out of jealousy. Obviously there's the "she doesn't love him the way I do" but it's more than that.

I get so distressed, paranoid and upset about his attitude towards me. He's a compulsive liar and will say purely what he thinks you want to hear, but then doesn't bother to keep the lie going (so it's obvious). The lie hurts. Then he'll just ignore me and say the bare minimum to keep me quiet.

What should I do? I've already sorta accepted the fact that he's changed and is no longer my "buddy against the world" but I don't want it to mean he's not my friend anymore. I used to mean everything (almost) to him and now he treats me like dirt and has hundreds of others who have replaced me. It's a big thing to get over.

When we talk and I ask him what I mean to him he's always very nice about it and says that he trusts me with anything. But then he goes back to ignoring me. It's destroying me. So I'm stuck in a dilemma. Do I just abandone and try to get on without him at all? Or carry on working at our friendship?

Thanks

[Living For Love]

I know the feeling of being friends with someone and then, from one day to another, being replaced by someone else, someone better than us.

You know, it's not very common for teenagers to keep the same friends throughout their lives. Friends come and go, and maybe your time with him as come to an end. He found other people, you need to find other people as well. It's not easy, I know, but if you get other friends, or at least some people you feel comfortable around, then you will eventually forget about him. You don't need to stop talking to him like forever, just move on with your life, because he's doing the same. You can't be left behind, you don't deserve that.

Considering how the situation between you two is at the moment, there's pretty much nothing you can do to avoid him getting into bad stuff like drugs and self-harming, you only can make him know that you're always available if he needs something.

Whatever happens, you can't let this destroy you. You said he knows you love him, but if he doesn't feel the same way, there's nothing you can do. He might in the future come back to you, who knows, but just keep going on now, live your life, and don't cling to the past.

[Forsakenbymyself]

I know the feeling of being friends with someone and then, from one day to another, being replaced by someone else, someone better than us.

You know, it's not very common for teenagers to keep the same friends throughout their lives. Friends come and go, and maybe your time with him as come to an end. He found other people, you need to find other people as well. It's not easy, I know, but if you get other friends, or at least some people you feel comfortable around, then you will eventually forget about him. You don't need to stop talking to him like forever, just move on with your life, because he's doing the same. You can't be left behind, you don't deserve that.

Considering how the situation between you two is at the moment, there's pretty much nothing you can do to avoid him getting into bad stuff like drugs and self-harming, you only can make him know that you're always available if he needs something.

Whatever happens, you can't let this destroy you. You said he knows you love him, but if he doesn't feel the same way, there's nothing you can do. He might in the future come back to you, who knows, but just keep going on now, live your life, and don't cling to the past.

^this.

By the way, being a control-freak is not really that good, it may cause you problems in the future.

[Green Arrow]

I think you should stop messaging him for a bit and let him come to you, carry on with your life talk with/find other friends. You shouldn't knock yourself for something that you can't really control, him. If he trusts you in the ways that you say he does I can pretty sure say that he'll start talking to you more if you play hard to get, if you get me.

[MortimerB]

Been there, bud.

Perhaps cooling the relationship down for just a while could do some things for you both.
I've had friends who suddenly turned to "the dark side" (Too much alcohol, smoking and worse) without any apparent reason, and suddenly they found new friends, who shared more interests in them.

The thing is that people change. A lot. And especially when we're young! That little identity crisis in puberty can mess people up - both for better and worse. Your friend's "gothic" expression and friends of a similar kind might be his way of realizing himself right now.

Even though your ways may part as friends, I'm sure he would prefer you catching him in his fall, then letting him hit the ground and say "I told you so." It might not be a dead friendship but as mentioned before; Identities and friends come and go while we're teenagers. Huge applause to Ryanair for the nice reply :) Best of luck.

By the way, do you love him in a friendly way or a more homosexual way?

[ksdnfkfr]

I can relate to this in a way. I have a single very close friend who is popular.
We met when we were both nine and we are only thirteen now. And wonder
if he is not going to start drifting away. Along with him I also have a cousin
im very close with. I know my cousin will always be my cousin even if/when
there are times of separation. im hoping I can put my friend in the same frame of mind.

[Wheatley]

Well, giving it a rest actually links in really well with what happened the other night. He said he took this personality test (he used to hate those) and it came back saying that he loves everyone and wants the best for the world. So I asked him if he loved me and he said yes.

We were talking about stuff and he made me happy saying sappy things. He never used to like talking about emotions and I think he still feels weird talking about them with me.

I tried talking to him last night and was completely ignored, I know he was there though. My last message was "it's OK, I understand, take as long as you need buddy :)"

So I guess now I'll just leave him alone and wait until he replies...

And yes, I do love him in every way possible.

Thanks for your nice replies, I'll try not to bug him for as long as possible